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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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someday75 Offline
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friend with drinking problem? advice PLEASE - July 8th 2010, 08:02 AM

a text one of my best friends sent me has been bothering me for weeks...

one of her close friend's dad died suddenly, and i found out before she did so i called her to break the horrible news. she ended up sobbing on the phone, and i felt awful...but i had to tell her because i didn't want her to find out through facebook, or anything else, and she couldn't see me until later that day. so i was texting her the same morning asking her how she was doing, and told her i'd really like to hang out with her later to keep her company during such a horrible tragedy, and she responded:

"i was just gonna pull my regular stunt of getting drunk at the beach and crying by myself like i do when i'm upset but if you wanna chill call me!"

it just upset me that apparently this is something she does "regularly" and i had absolutely no idea. i mean, i've drank with her in party situations and its seemed normal because we are 19...but still. it just worries me. she's one of my closest friends, and i just wish she'd talk to me instead of drinking by herself when she's upset.

and i've tried to bring it up, but she's just sort of laughed it off and changed the subject every time...and i just don't know if i should bring it up, or how to, i just don't want her to go into some huge downward spiral. she's already dealing with a life-threatening disease that she was diagnosed with a year ago, forcing her to stay home instead of attend her freshman year of college, depression, a boyfriend who is always ignoring her, and self-esteem issues that are obvious to me as her close friend. she means so much to me, and i haven't been able to just let this go....

i just need help. i don't know how to talk to her. i'm scared because she completely abandoned and doesn't talk to her old group of best friends that sent her to rehab (but for anorexia, not drinking) a year and a half ago...and i don't want to lose her friendship. she's someone i trust with everything....and i don't know what i'd do without her. but at the same time i don't want her to be abusing alcohol either.

any advice is appreciated. thanks for reading all of this...i just needed to get this out.
   
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Re: friend with drinking problem? advice PLEASE - July 8th 2010, 09:27 AM

I understand how your friend drinks when she's upset.
I used to do that too. Its the burn of it I think.
Its like cutting, but drinking instead you know?
It takes your mind off of everything.
Its a bad habit though, and she shouldn't do it.
Its harmful to herself, and your right. It could go downhill at any moment.
I suggest you sit her down and talk to her about it, and don't let her change the subject.
She's one of your closest friends. And she should understand that your just looking out for her well being.
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Re: friend with drinking problem? advice PLEASE - July 8th 2010, 06:19 PM

I'm glad you where able to get this out.
As for your friend I'm really sorry about.
The reason you never knew is casue it sounds really personal to her.
It doesn't sound like somthing she would openly bring up.
All you can really do is tell her your their for her & want to help her.
If she starts getting drunk alot or anything like that can you tell her mom or somthinglike that?
Casue its a really bad habbit to drink when your sad , its just not worth it.
Plus when she's drinking alone she a danger due to she could ackidnly hurt herself or being taken advaggete off
   
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Re: friend with drinking problem? advice PLEASE - July 10th 2010, 07:02 AM

thanks guys, your advice really means a lot.

i just dont know how to bring this up without her laughing it off...i tried again and i'm too timid to force that kind of conversation on her. ahhh i just don't know how to talk about it without her getting upset, and she's one of my few close friends and i would never want to lose that friendship...yet i know i do need to eventually say something

anyway i can say something without her getting mad?
   
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Re: friend with drinking problem? advice PLEASE - July 10th 2010, 10:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by someday75 View Post
anyway i can say something without her getting mad?
Probably not. Either your friend knows how bad this is for her (and doesn't care or isn't ready to get help), or she's like some teenagers who recklessly believe that nothing bad can/will ever happen to them. There's a high chance that she WON'T enjoy being told what to do by her goody-two-shoes friend... but if you're really her friend, you'll say what needs to be said, even if it means losing her friendship. Chances are, you'll be the only friend who has the courage to speak up... everyone else will either keep their mouths shut or try to rationalize her behavior, saying that what she's doing isn't all that dangerous. Unfortunately, she may have to hit rock-bottom before she realizes just how valuable of a friend you are.

If she ceases contact with you out of anger, then perhaps it would be worth contacting her parents or other family members. I know that she's no longer a minor, but family members CAN intervene on another adult's behalf. They could speak to a family law attorney, and find out what their options are in regards to forcing treatment. Hopefully, it won't come to that, and a simple "verbal" intervention will help your friend to realize how dangerous her behavior is. With a great deal of luck, she'll listen to YOU. =)





   
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