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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Jasna Offline
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Name: Jasna
Age: 29
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Parents sometimes make me insecure - February 14th 2009, 09:48 PM

Don't get me wrong, I usually get on really well with my parents. In fact, for the past six months or so there haven't been any real upsets and we get along fantastically, but there are little things which make me feel really insecure. I'm certain they don't do this malliciously, but they make me unhappy and it might just be me.

One thing is my weight. My father's family's European, primarily Croatian but there are other things thrown in, and they have an almost stereotypically European relationship with food in that they a) love food and b) love cooking food and c) love thinking about food =P Anyway, as a kid I was always on the fat side, much fatter than my friends, and the last year and a half I really focused and managed to drop about three dress sizes, although that might have been a natural change. The problem is, my parents now make me feel guilty for trying to lose more weight and when I was losing weight, I had to fight my mother to get new clothes in the right size, not the size that was now massively too big for me. Same for bras and stuff, which was much more embarassing at times. She and my father's family also make eating very difficult for me. Buying food for myself with them in the supermarket, like, if we're going to buy a prepackaged meal for time or buying more unhealthy items, I like to calorie-count and look at the fat and salt amounts. I wouldn't say this is unhealthy. In fact, the government encourages us to do so, but if I say to my mother / uncle / whatever 'I don't want that, that has 677 cals and I had a big lunch, I'd rather have something healthier', they get really annoyed at me. I don't have an eating disorder, I just like to be healthy.

Another thing, sometimes my parents make really bitchy comments about strangers for no reason. Even though they're usually very nice people, they get annoyed about small things (again, this is usually my mother because she's a very...fierce woman, I suppose, while my dad is more mellow and agreeable). Like, if someone walks in front of her she'll say something nasty behind their back, or she'll say something like 'that woman's wearing the most hideous dress I've ever seen'. Nothing big, usually, just little sniping comments. I've asked them not to, but growing up with that has made me quite insecure with the idea that strangers might be saying that about me in the same way. My brothers don't have this problem, but my sister sometimes agrees with me, so maybe it's not just me.

Anyway, I love my parents and we normally get along well, it's really just those two quite small things. I was wondering what I should do about it? Should I say something? If so, what?
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star_crossd Offline
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Re: Parents sometimes make me insecure - February 14th 2009, 10:40 PM

Hey, Jasna (i love that name, btw)

I think its great that you're trying to eat healthy! I cant imagine why you're parents would have a problem with it, I mean, you could be bulimic or anorexic but no, you're actually eating healthy. I wish I had your resolve, haha. I would just tell point that out to them and if they continue to give you crap for it, just ignore them

My parents are the same way with people. Like if someone is obesely fat, they just have to say something about it and it really gets on my nerves too. But dont ever let that make YOU feel insecure about what others may think of you. My philosophy is screw anybody who might have a problem with how I look. Dont worry about it, honey.

Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.

Music is life. Start living.
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glittermist Offline
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Re: Parents sometimes make me insecure - February 14th 2009, 10:46 PM

Hello there, Jasna.

Please do not post numbers relating to weight/calories/sizes anywhere on the forums as it is against the TOS.

Personally i think that if these things are upsetting you then you should definitely talk about it to your parents; even if they ARE doing it without intending to offend you - it'd still be wise to tell them so that they will be more careful in future.

People talk whether you're fat/thin/tall/small etc - there is always going to be somebody, somewhere that's talking about another person. It's how the world works and i do admit it's very sad and silly but it's something we have to learn to ignore. Ignorance is everywhere; look around you. It's hard to change people's mindsets once they've been preprogrammed.

Next time your mother/father brings up the weight issue, just politely say that it's YOUR body therefore only YOU have the right to choose what goes into it and how you live your life - say you appreciate the concern but it's time they accepted that you are your own person.

Hope i've helped and i hope you can get these issues sorted out soon as it sounds as though you have a good relationship with your parents and that is considered quite a rarity in this day and age and it'd be such a shame to have that spoilt over a few misunderstandings and such.

Take care of yourself :]

& it's just like she's in another world.

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