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Leheina Offline
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Question Why do I only attract rude people? - July 13th 2010, 11:51 PM

I am extremely shy but I'm very gentle,polite and would never be rude to someone even if this person was rude to me.I think I'm too kind to everyone and that makes me more bad than good.
I'm so kind to everyone but I only attract rude people.Only rude people like me and want to be friends with me.I can't understand that.I only have rude friends who treat me very rudely.And they are so impolite.I get hurt when someone treats me rudely.I can't stand my rude friends anymore!I have already ended a friendship with a girl because she was very rude to me and treated me very badly.And my friends are also arrogant and loud.They have everything I hate in human beings.But I only attract those types of people.
I want so much to be friends with kind and polite people!But those people don't seem to be interested in me.
If I'm so kind I shouldn't be attracting rude impolite people.
Why do I only attract rude people if I'm so gentle with everyone?
   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 14th 2010, 02:42 AM

There may be a thousand answers to your questions. But I have some ideas :

1.) What if these rude people also need that gentle presence around them. Remember they are also human beings, and they may be rude but perhaps they want that gentle presence of yours around them.

2.) Maybe because you are kind and gentle, they see you as a good friend and would lie to be friends with you.

Its cool that you have a kind spirit, think about it, humans sometimes need a good friend and its highly likely they become your friend because of that. So when you make another rude friend, instead of cutting all ties with them, why don't you try asking them not to be rude to you, and then just continue teaching them such stuff and you might just find them turning to become like you, kind.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 14th 2010, 03:00 AM

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Originally Posted by Jacksonian View Post
There may be a thousand answers to your questions. But I have some ideas :

1.) What if these rude people also need that gentle presence around them. Remember they are also human beings, and they may be rude but perhaps they want that gentle presence of yours around them.

2.) Maybe because you are kind and gentle, they see you as a good friend and would lie to be friends with you.

Its cool that you have a kind spirit, think about it, humans sometimes need a good friend and its highly likely they become your friend because of that. So when you make another rude friend, instead of cutting all ties with them, why don't you try asking them not to be rude to you, and then just continue teaching them such stuff and you might just find them turning to become like you, kind.
Why would a rude person want a gentle person around her/him?

What do you mean by ''they would lie to be friends with me''?

I've asked a friend of mine to stop being so rude and she said to me that that's the way she is and she will never change.
   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 14th 2010, 09:20 PM

I hate to say it... but because you're shy, certain people may see you as "weak". You're attracting people who believe they can take advantage of your friendship, people who believe you'll never stand up to them and demand you be treated as their equal. Because you're always surrounded by these people, kinder, more polite people may believe you're rude as well, and will avoid you. I know that's not fair, but you WILL be judged based on the company you keep... so if you want to attract the right people, stop being friends with the wrong people! Be pro-active, overcome your shy tendencies, and seek out friends vs. waiting for them to come to you. Show interest in them, and they may show interest in you in return. If they don't seem interested, then keep looking! You'll find worthy friends sooner or later. =)





   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 15th 2010, 07:53 PM

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Originally Posted by PSY View Post
I hate to say it... but because you're shy, certain people may see you as "weak". You're attracting people who believe they can take advantage of your friendship, people who believe you'll never stand up to them and demand you be treated as their equal. Because you're always surrounded by these people, kinder, more polite people may believe you're rude as well, and will avoid you. I know that's not fair, but you WILL be judged based on the company you keep... so if you want to attract the right people, stop being friends with the wrong people! Be pro-active, overcome your shy tendencies, and seek out friends vs. waiting for them to come to you. Show interest in them, and they may show interest in you in return. If they don't seem interested, then keep looking! You'll find worthy friends sooner or later. =)
My friends are rude,impolite and loud but they are very loyal and are always there when I need them.
Some of my rude friends are shy and most kind people I know are shy.
   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 15th 2010, 11:25 PM

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Originally Posted by Leheina View Post
My friends are rude,impolite and loud but they are very loyal and are always there when I need them.
Some of my rude friends are shy and most kind people I know are shy.
Then perhaps it's just due to their age/immaturity? It could be something that they'll grow out of in a few years.





   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 15th 2010, 11:40 PM

I hate to say it, but it's the price of being shy. I understand where you're coming from because I'm shy and quiet like you too. I absolutely hate loud and obnoxious people. When a person is shy like you, people tend to think that they can walk all over you and treat you however. You need to make a point to show other people that you will not and cannot take that type of crap and abuse. Use your words and let people know how you feel. I can guarantee you that once you change your attitude and show other people that you won't take it anymore, you will start to attract different types of people. As for your friends, I also have friends who can be very rude and just annoying. I would tell them how you feel. Tell them that their behavior is is mean and rude and that you don't like it. If they don't listen to you or if they continue to treat you badly, I think it's time to find some new friends.




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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 16th 2010, 02:36 AM

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I hate to say it, but it's the price of being shy. I understand where you're coming from because I'm shy and quiet like you too. I absolutely hate loud and obnoxious people. When a person is shy like you, people tend to think that they can walk all over you and treat you however. You need to make a point to show other people that you will not and cannot take that type of crap and abuse. Use your words and let people know how you feel. I can guarantee you that once you change your attitude and show other people that you won't take it anymore, you will start to attract different types of people. As for your friends, I also have friends who can be very rude and just annoying. I would tell them how you feel. Tell them that their behavior is is mean and rude and that you don't like it. If they don't listen to you or if they continue to treat you badly, I think it's time to find some new friends.
Like I said,my friends are loyal and are always there when I need them but I can say that sometimes they kinda ''abuse'' me and I don't do nor say anything to stop them.I totally agree with you when you say that When a person is shy like you, people tend to think that they can walk all over you.

Why do people tend to think thay shy people are weak?
   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 16th 2010, 02:48 AM

Well, when I think of a "strong" person, I think of someone who is pro-active, assertive, and isn't afraid to say or do things in order to ensure that they are where they want to be in life (to the best of their ability, of course... there are some things we can't control). Because a "shy" person may not be willing to make the first move or speak up in a situation that isn't in their favor, they may be seen as "weak" by people who WILL say or do something in a similar situation.





   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 16th 2010, 03:51 AM

I know how you feel. I'm a people pleaser. I can't tell anyone no. The past few months I have been used and abused in so many ways. It's because I'm a passive person I've let people walk all over me my whole life. Try to act more assertive. They may not be so rude if you do.
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 19th 2010, 02:55 AM

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Originally Posted by Leheina View Post
Why would a rude person want a gentle person around her/him?

What do you mean by ''they would lie to be friends with me''?

I've asked a friend of mine to stop being so rude and she said to me that that's the way she is and she will never change.
Because they are human beings too. Some people are rude and hard. But in some of them they have gone through rough things which made them this way. Some of them are just lonely. And some of them are just rude because they are. But in all of these(except a certain few, who are just like that) they have that same place everyone else has, a simple heart capable of being a friend. Some of them its hard to reach that place and it takes time but none the less, its there and it will be reached. They are human, so they will have flaws. But they also still have a heart. And some of them need that friendship. They too need a friend and your kindness is what it is. A kind, soft loving heartful spirit which welcomes many and is special. And is now becoming rare.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: Why do I only attract rude people? - July 19th 2010, 02:12 PM

i ahve friends who arre similar to yours im not a loud person im rather quiet, most of my friends know my weakenesses and no how to minpulate me as such. it just seems like because your quiet the horrid people target you, like you my friends can be nice they can be very caring but they can also be very arogant and unreasonable and manipulative. last night i was in tears because of i had a row with who is supposed to me my best friend.



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