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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I care too much and I'm exhausted - July 21st 2010, 04:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So last school year I was starting at my third college in three semesters of college. Over the summer I started talking with the girl over facebook. She was transferring too and we both had the same major. So I felt good having at least one friend going into school.

So I finally met this friend (let's call her Amy). She was very shy and didn't seem to put herself out there that much. Of course neither did I. At the start of Spring semester I decided to change this, so I basically forced myself onto this group of people, also with the same major. So Amy kept making comments on how she wished she could hang out with them too, so I got her more involved with them. Unfortunately being involved with this group involved drinking. I have been watching this girl fall apart for months now and it's killing me. I got cast in the lead of the musical we were doing and she was my cover, and one day in rehearsal she broke down about not thinking she was good enough. The girl spends at least 4-5 hours a day in the practice rooms singing (this is not a good thing, it just shows stress and is not good for your voice). And in a year I only saw her eat a meal maybe 10 times. So I knew something was up there, she is not a big girl by any means, but the fact is this business is based on looks. I went home for Easter break, and I knew she was planning on drinking with two friends that weekend. After several worrying text messages I called her at 2am and she was having a full on panic attack. Couldn't stop crying said she felt horrible. I was in a completely different city I didn't know what to do, she was at the apartment with the two other people but they were passed out. I wanted to call an ambulance but she is underage so she wouldn't let me. I finally got one of the other people to get up and help her. At the end of the conversation she admitted to me that she has an eating disorder. That she has since denied and avoided completely.

She has so many issues from self confidence, to the eating thing, to not liking being around her parents even though as far as I've seen they are very supportive and nice. I worry about her all of the time, and it's really draining me. I just hate to see her hurting herself, she drinks way too much now I just don't know what to do.


Also something else that bothers me. The friend she's with smoke weed pretty much every day (idiotic considering he's a singer and hopes to make a career out of it) anyway she's taken to it. And then is surprised when her voice isn't sounding the way she wants. I just think there's a certain lack of sense involved. I just don't know if I can handle being her friend anymore.


"For Ignorance killed the cat, Curiosity was framed." -Caitlin McGrath

"For this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." -Mary Pickford

"But the music's so happy!" -Little Sally: Urinetown

"If our own policies aren't supporting equality then what are we fighting for?"- Kathy Griffin
   
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Re: I care too much and I'm exhausted - July 21st 2010, 05:40 PM

I can't blame you for being exhausted... you're trying to "save" a friend 24/7, while also trying to concentrate on your career 24/7. The fact that your friend is also tied in your career makes things even more complicated, in a way, because you can't COMPLETELY ignore her if she becomes too much to handle.

If I were you, I would begin to distance myself from her... not completely, but enough where you aren't the sole person watching out for her. You're her friend and colleague, but NOT her therapist. As her friend, you should encourage her to seek psychological help. As her colleague, you should share your knowledge with her, such as how to continue improving vocally without pushing herself too hard.

Other than that, there really isn't much more you can do. At some point, she needs to take what her loved ones have said to heart, and get help. You can't force her to see or do anything, only nudge her in the right direction.





   
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Re: I care too much and I'm exhausted - July 21st 2010, 10:05 PM

Yeah I just worry that if I distance myself from her then I'm only leaving her with people that have been bad influences on her, getting her to drink more ofter, smoking weed etc. Unfortunately in the department right now, I'm really the only person who won't do those things. Hopefully freshmen and transfers will come in to change that, but I have no way to be sure. I think the reason I'm so protective is because she reminds me so much of myself.


"For Ignorance killed the cat, Curiosity was framed." -Caitlin McGrath

"For this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." -Mary Pickford

"But the music's so happy!" -Little Sally: Urinetown

"If our own policies aren't supporting equality then what are we fighting for?"- Kathy Griffin
   
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