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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Yours Truly Offline
Regular TeenHelper
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Name: Ashley
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio, USA

Posts: 388
Blog Entries: 8
Join Date: July 21st 2010

Angry im so fed up - July 22nd 2010, 07:21 PM

IM SO FUCKING FED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright. this may get kinda long. im going to sum it up best i can. k? (:
that was a sarcastic smile btw..

so yea.

Im ashley. 14. new to the site. i'll be 15 in august.

Im the oldest of 4 kids. we used to be a big happy family. like one youd see on tv. sure there were little fights here and there but overall it was seriously the family everyone was jealous of at the time. It was great.

ever since i was little i was bullied because i was overweight. im diabetic. kids are so cruel.
this has caused the sever school anxiety i ahve to this day.

but back in... ehh... 2000, 2001 my dad got diagnosed with a braintumor, and my mom got huniated(sp) disks in her back, and i started being the mini mom to my 3 little brothers (who are now 11, 9, and 7. and all have anger/depression issues of their own now cause of our current situation)

so after numerous switches in schools, homeschooling, moving, etc etc etc, my moms mom dieing, causing my mom going into a vicious downward cycle of depression taht shes now been in for 3 years, my parents are getting a divorce, my mom lives in her car, dad doesnt get paid shit at his job, his parents help out constantly, im in intense counseling and have clincial depression, anxiety, ptsd, diabetes, acid reflux, the list never ends.

so yea.

thers a bunch more. im just too lazy to type it. i have tendonitis, so typing this is killing my wrist.

my point is.

i had a doctors appointment today at my therapy.
its a therpy school. i go mon-friday 4 hours a day. even during the summer.
then during the school year you get schooling aswell.

my mom didnt show up

and my dad sent my grandma, who i despise, and he knows that.
shes a bitch to me. and she said im just like my mom,
if it wasnt for me,
my brothers would be dead -.-
my dad wouldnt have a house
AND my mom wouldnt be alive.

and im only fucking fourteen!

and im fucking fed up with it!
i have two friends that i havent totally lost yet.
and i hardly ever get to see them!!!! theyre so busy.
im so jealous of them, cause they get to be in activities and stuff and see friends and go to the pool,
and here i am all alone in my house while my grandparents parent my brothers since im not allowed to anymore,
then im alone and alone all day every day from 1-7 till my dad gets home, then its total chaos.

i know this is confusing. but its my life
i hate it. so much. so fucking much.

i used to cut. but its not the answer. i know its not. so i stopped.
i stopped eating for a few days. but it doesnt amtter, i still fucking gain weght cause of the stupid diabetes, so it doesnt change anything.
nothing i do changes anything. ive done all ic an do to cope with my shit positivley. i write i play guitar i text i take walks i do whatever.
the situation im in WONT FUCKING CHANGE AND IM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my dad promised me vocal lessons last year for my birthday..
it would get me out of the house and ive wanted them for years...
well guess what? my birthdays on august 22 and i still havent gotten them.

my grandparents pay for my brothers to do all sorts of shit,
and they refuse to pay for me to do anything,
cause im the fucked up kid.

im 14. no one will hire me. no one wants me to babysit for them cause i have a nose piercing.

i have YMCA pass but no way to get there.

i have no way out of the fucking house.
im gong fucking insane.

WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!?!?!!
how do i get out of the house with no money?!
there has to be a way :|
i need to make more friends


sorry its so long.. i jsut needed to rant /:

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3

Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.

Last edited by Yours Truly; July 22nd 2010 at 07:33 PM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
WillO'Wisp Offline
I've been here a while
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Gender: Other

Posts: 1,715
Join Date: January 1st 2010

Re: im so fed up - July 23rd 2010, 01:11 AM

I doubt your nose piercing is a problem for people. That isn't a big deal. Perhaps you shouldn't be looking for a job or looking into babysitting yet. I think you should focus on your own needs more and getting better, put more focus into your own well being.
It's very good you stopped cutting and realized it wasn't the solution. It takes alot of courage and strength to stop that, and you should be proud of yourself for that achievement. That's definitely something to be proud of.
Even if you are overweight, you still are beautiful, on the outside and the inside, weight doesn't matter and weight doesn't ruin your beauty. You have a warm loving heart and care about people and that's what matters the most, and that is what stands out to people, and people will see that and admire you.
I know alot of people in School can be cruel, but you know what? I had that too, and there's a thing called karma, they will recieve the same shitty treatment they give towards people, people won't want to be friends with them or hire them or have anything to do with them in the future, they won't get very far in life being the bitter hateful pricks they are, and they always get what's coming to them and I smile at that because I know all the stupid pricks in School who used to tease me get what's coming to them, karma. And they deserve everything they get. I just make peace with knowing what goes around comes around, I remember they weren't ever right about anything they said about me because they didn't even know me, so the people who made fun of you aren't right, they don't know you, and it's their loss for not making you a friend trust me.
If you need a friend to talk to or someone to vent out to, I'm here anytime. Please don't hesitate to write me, anytime. And remember, things always get better.
*Hugs* Hang in there!
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