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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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It's a friendship, not a relationship - July 24th 2010, 05:29 PM

I'm going to be a HS Senior, he'll be a HS Freshman. While he's only going to be a Freshman, he's really smart and into the whole science/biology field (like me) so we'll go on and on about random things we find interesting, like the effects of caffeine and altitude on the body... And we're super competitive with each other at practice, always trying to best each others time, go faster/catch whoever's in front. At meets our goals are to beat each other. We'll text each other homework questions and help each other with homework (I'm not a stupid student either, I'm a straight "A", top 10%, High GPA, All-honors student. He's just a freaking genius!).

But people are starting to look at us differently, asking if we're dating. We're not. We haven't even talked about dating or relationships. I don't think he even sees me as more than a friend. I mean, we get along REALLY well, but it's more of a brother/sister relationship. It's kind of awkward when some of my friends ask me (when he's not there) if we're going out and say they think he *likes* me. Is it really that weird that we're good friends? Do you think he could like me in a way more than a friend?
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Re: It's a friendship, not a relationship - July 24th 2010, 07:03 PM

If he has not shown any signs of it, or flirted with you, or anything like that, then I doubt he sees it as anything more than platonic.

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Re: It's a friendship, not a relationship - July 25th 2010, 01:16 AM

That's how I see it. Just friends, good friends, but just friends. I'm not looking for a relationship right now either. I just want to be friends.
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Re: It's a friendship, not a relationship - July 25th 2010, 03:57 AM

Honestly, I've run into this problem before. I've had brother/sister relationships where I've felt completely comfortable with the person, therefore speaking and acting differently when with them as opposed to when with other friends.

The thing is, people are always going to look at males and females with the possibility of seeing them as involved. Why? I have no idea, and to be honest, I find it quite silly. But that's the way that people are, and they especially tend to do this when they don't understand the closeness of a male/female platonic relationship (it's most likely they haven't had it).

Honestly, no one can tell you for sure whether or not he has feelings for you. Like Adam said, there are signs of it, but even those aren't fool-proof. I used to be a very flirty person before I got involved and many people mistook that personality for having feelings for them. Only he can tell you for sure whether he does or doesn't... However, I've found that oftentimes, people get a gut feeling. If your gut says he doesn't like you, then I would say go with it and he probably doesn't.

I wouldn't recommend telling him you want to stay friends or even bringing the issue up with him at all. With no proof that he does or doesn't like you, it's possible bringing it up might make it awkward or even make him think you're the one with the crush. I would honestly tell your friends to back off, that you're not more than friends and you're never going to be and to please respect that relationship. And if they don't stop, ignore them and their claims. That would be the quickest way to get them to stop.
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Re: It's a friendship, not a relationship - July 25th 2010, 01:25 PM

People at high-school will jump to dating because they see two people with a strong relationship who are together. The most likely reason is dating but most likely doesn't mean correct in all cases. There will be the group of people who are very gossipy and know more about relationships of others than they do of their own, and if you say you're not dating, they may say one or both of you are denying it because you don't want to show your relationship to others.

It's not a good idea to ask him about dating because it's always awkward in this situation. Either he thinks you've got a different idea he doesn't want or he loves the idea of it, making you feel awkward for not going out with him sooner. The gossipy people will act like the tabloids and it gets worse.

Don't ask him about it and explain to others that you're not into dating him. If some people, including current friends shove their noses in and keep asking him and you about it, then that's when it needs to be said more bluntly and aggressively. You could also say, even if it's a lie, that their snooping is making him feel awkward and he's steering away from you because your friends won't go away. Statements like that will make the friends leave, often accompanied by some loud voices and some swearing. If they still cant or won't get the message, my advise is then to tell them two words: fuck off, hence, threaten or actually get rid of them as a friend.

The benefit of this is it shows others to also snoop less and be a tabloid less around you and him.
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Re: It's a friendship, not a relationship - July 26th 2010, 03:18 AM

OMG no! I would NEVER initiate the subject of dating! That would be so awkward for both of us. I definitely see it as a brother/sister relationship. I definitely don't want to give him ideas that I'm interested (and honestly, I'm not right now). Not to mention that it would definitely cause friends to take even more interest in us, which is definitely unnecessary! If he brings it up that's a different story. But as for now, it's not brought up.

I'll try being more assertive when answering that we're not in a relationship. We aren't. We're friends. Swearing might work if its necessary, I'm known to NEVER curse unless I'm dead serious and frustrated about something. If it gets to the point where they won't stop I may have to have a conversation with some colorful language to get them to stop!
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Re: It's a friendship, not a relationship - July 27th 2010, 04:40 AM

High school students (yes, totally stereotyping here) love drama, romance, and DRAMA. I'm not at all surprised that they're gossiping about your friendship. =P Imagine how exciting it would be to find out that a freshman boy is dating a senior girl! Lucky stud, right?

Just keep telling people they're reading too many romance novels, they should focus on their own lives and stop worrying about yours, etc. Don't deny it TOO vehemently, but don't ignore their questions, either. When they pester you and pester you, and still don't see the two of you kissing in the hallways months later, they'll eventually grow bored of the idea and move on to matchmaking other friends. xD

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Re: It's a friendship, not a relationship - July 29th 2010, 06:39 AM

I've had the same best friend for ten years, and guess what? hes a guy. It can get awkward people like to ask us "Have the wedding date set yet?" and other such nonsense. He's my best friend, knows me better than most, so we are really good friends, but people, even my family members, dont understand why we havent dated yet - UMMM, maybe cause we are not into each other like that? ew! lol hes like my little brother we are three years apart, heh heh. Just continue to calmly as possible tell your friends your not dating (to forcefully will just make them believe it even more) and probably dont need to hear this but - treasure your friendship, sounds like you've found a great friend!

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