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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Yours Truly Offline
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help... - July 26th 2010, 07:19 AM

my friend has a lot of issues..

im in intense therapy and stuff, and i try to get her to go to help, and i tell her im always there for her and im always an open ear if she needs it, and stuff..
i give her advice based on what ive learned in therapy over the years,
and she doesnt take it.
shes about to kill herself right now,
and shes truly my best friend.

her words, exactly:

If you drive up here, I'll end up fucking killing you too
I'm going to the mall with Kayla tomorrow.
The people at Hot Topic questioned me about the scars on my legs the other day.
Imagine what they'll end up seeing tomorrow.
I dont think he fucking gets it.
I picked him for a reason.
I love him.
And he wont get that through his damn head.
I finally gave him another chance, and this is what I get!
Its bullshit!
He doesn't even give a fuck that he's going to push me into like killing myself soon

i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
help, please?

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3

Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Stupidity Kills
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Re: help... - July 26th 2010, 12:59 PM

This is going to be a long answer.

Her message doesn't seem suicidal, it just seems angry and stressful. She may indeed be depressed and has done some self-harm on her legs. But I'm assuming she will not kill herself, she's simply very stressed. I don't know the background information regarding Hot Topic but it seems to imply you told them in some way.
As you've said, you've been a listener for her and that is all. You may have given advice but she apparently ignored it (according to you) because she wants an ear to listen to her, not to tell her what to do or how to relax. Telling her the same advise you were given over and over, no matter how good, can get dismissed because she only hears you saying the same stuff. However, I don't think she'll commit suicide, I think she may self-harm again though.

As a little story, my female cousin who is about 1-1.5 years younger than me had plenty of shit going on with friends and parents. She lives close by so I got called over several times to her house to help with some of her friends exhibiting the same behaviours. I went and listened to the friend's story (already knew my cousin's version which usually was very accurate) and broke the story down into segments. When emotional, one cannot analyze the situation, so that was my job as well as gaining the person's trust to help them.

For you, this is what you can do but it works only if you approach it right. If they're emotional, don't get emotional also, you only fuel the fire. If you keep repeating the same things, you're going to get ignored as a "broken record". It is hard to stay calm in the situations but you have to do so. Telling her to calm down over and over isn't going to work much either.

When talking to the person, I don't address the issue right away, I ignore the issue and simply start talking to the person. After, give her questions to answer not only be an ear, you must also give questions. That makes her analyze the situation step-by-step, so it's easier to give advice. She may still be emotional but keep staying calm and asking her questions about it while giving some advice. It's vital to take a break after a bit, talk about something else, perhaps give a little bit of stuff that's happened to you that's relative BUT only a bit as the focus is her.

Online through chat it's much harder because you're so limited. A webcam can work better because you can speak and type.
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Re: help... - July 27th 2010, 04:47 AM

Do you know her in person? If so, I would show what she said to her parents and possibly even to the local police department. Yes, maybe she's just stressed and venting... but maybe she's serious. Better safe than sorry, right? And besides, if she's cutting, perhaps it's time you took things to another level and got someone else involved... someone who actually does have an influence over her, whether it be her parents or another authority figure.

There's only so much you can do for a friend. If she's not willing to listen to you, then all you really CAN do is 1) get someone else involved, or 2) continue to pass along information and hope something will eventually sink in. Given that she's already taken to harming herself and seems to have a history of mental instability, I think getting someone else involved would be a good move, if at all possible.

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Re: help... - July 30th 2010, 12:51 AM

Well, don't go up there. Don't approach her until you feel safe/or you see you are in public where you won't get hurt. When you are with her, continue being a good friend and make sure you be a good friend. But when you sense danger keep away.

But be wise around her and monitor her so as to be safe, ok?

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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