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cleostar09 Offline
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Exclamation 9 year old brother is horrible!! NEED HELP! - July 26th 2010, 10:11 PM

So a little background before I get started. I'm 19 years old and I watch my siblings while my parents are at work in the evening. I have 3 little brothers and 2 little sisters that I care for ranging from ages 4 to 16. The boy directly in the middle is the one I have the most problems with. He doesn't listen AT ALL! He torments ALL of his siblings, doesn't listen to his parents, is very aggressive, very manipulative, and is down right out of control! Anytime someone tries to correct him it turns into a HUGE issue. Most of the time he isn't punished for anything that he does and that has made him spoiled rotten. He seems to always be in the center of my parents and my other siblings kind of get pushed to the side. They see how he is but don't do much to stop him besides yell. I think they realize that they created a monster and don't know how to control him without going to extremes. I just need help on how to deal with him. It's really crazy at our house and most of it is because of him and how he acts.


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Re: 9 year old brother is horrible!! NEED HELP! - July 26th 2010, 10:17 PM

Hey Annastesia,

It sounds like your brother is a bit hard to handle. I'm sorry to hear that he's been giving you a hard time, and I can definitely imagine how stressful it must be. It's not fair that you are put in charge of your brother, and his behavior shouldn't be your worry; it should be your parent's. I think that this is something you need to approach your parents about, because it shouldn't be your responsibility to change your brother's behavior. Sit down and talk to them and let them know how your brother acts while they are gone. Ask them what you should do when he acts this way. It sounds like the three of you need to try to come up with a solution together.

Hopefully your parents are willing to work towards this, and that they are helpful when you talk to them. Good luck.





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Re: 9 year old brother is horrible!! NEED HELP! - July 26th 2010, 10:23 PM

Ignore him if he throws a tantrum. Maybe talk to your parents about using some of these techniques:

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Search.a...ext=discipline

a naughty step would be good. He goes on it for 9 minutes for every year old he is. Keep putting him on. You are bigger then him and smarter then him. he cannot win. If he hits you then restrain him and tell him clearly how he is not to do that. Be clear and firm. You need your parents help with this. If he is awful then simply give him cereal and juice (or something hes not keen on but is healthy enough) for his meal and no pudding etc. Don't interact with him as a punishment. If he physically hurts your other siblings then restrain him and verbally let him know you mean what you say, that he has to stop. He is 9. He may be a little shit right now but he cannot mentally, physically or emotionally win. You just have to be really really firm.



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Re: 9 year old brother is horrible!! NEED HELP! - July 27th 2010, 02:50 AM

my lil brother is the same exact way. he just turned 10 and im ready to stangle him. hes spoiled rotten and thinks the work serves him and will scream and yell if he cant have what he wants and all he gets is a stern 'thats not nice' from my parents. i used to babysit him, he was violent and rotten >:/ id say go to your parents, and very calmy explain all the things hes done and all the other kids agree hes out of control. dont get mad or theyll think your just being mean or somthing. ask if you can send him to his room or the corner or somthing. and being firm dosnt allways substitue actual punishment. my parents tried being firm and nice and hes still a little demon from the pits of hell. he laughs when they tried to just be firm and stern. i say fear works better.


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Re: 9 year old brother is horrible!! NEED HELP! - August 1st 2010, 09:58 PM

Ok so I tried talking to my parents about him and they got mad at ME! I don't think I can take it much longer in this house. All I do is watch my siblings I'm practically raising them. I have set rules for the kids that they know they have to follow until my parents overrule what I say. I know it should be the other way but if they expect me to watch THEIR kids all the time they shouldn't over ride my authority. That's pretty much teaching them that they don't have to listen to me. Anytime I say anything they get mad at me like right now. I can't do it!!!!!


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Re: 9 year old brother is horrible!! NEED HELP! - August 2nd 2010, 06:41 AM

im the exact same.. but im 14 and i have 3 little brothers. theyre all out of controll.

just tell your parents you refuse to babysit them untill they do somthing about how the child acts.. dont interact with it, dont react, dont give him the satisfaction he wants. tell the other kids to do the same, and if your parents dont do anything about it, why should you? your not the parent here.


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Re: 9 year old brother is horrible!! NEED HELP! - August 2nd 2010, 12:11 PM

Story time that relates to what you're facing.

I've worked with large groups of children around your brother's age occassionally to help at the dojo for teaching. I suppose I'm lucky because in the dojo, doing things such as push-ups are a common punishment if you want to be allowed to join with respect. There was one kid who for some reason, during breaks would go and hit or kick other students. I'm not sure why, I suppose just to bully them.

Anyways, after being told not to by the sensei and then got a pretty harsh talking to with his parents, the sensei allowed me to use my way. This way was kind of how I was raised and it's pure intimidation and causing fear (also raised with hitting, left out-doors for long periods of time in winters, etc...). My father did lots of this and he's a damn big man, and I adopted this from him but added/improved it. My father "taught" me to intimidate other people/person for gaining knowledge of things or getting certain things finished that don't need to be discussed anywhere here.

Anyways, for this kid I didn't do much. When he began punching kids, I stepped in, he pushed me away (I was 19-20 so his push didn't work) and I used my body size to direct him to a corner. With no shouting, yelling, threatening, cursing or hitting, I looked him face-to-face in the eyes, spoke calmly and quietly while challenging him as being a "man" for a minute or two and just by that, he pissed his pants. I kept him there for a minute or two longer, other kids saw his pissing, I commented too then let him clean up. He hasn't hit a kid except during sparring for at least 4-5 months. If he begins to, and if I'm there (usually am not) I ask if he wants to "have another chat or is everything fine?".

----

Point is, yelling isn't going to do anything for you. Your parents probably yell because there are many frustrations at work and each child brings at least one frustration, they just do what's natural. The fear tactic may work depending how it is done and what you use/do. Ideally, positive reinforcement and such but as I said, I never grew up with a lot of that, I know what the books say on it only. When I see other kids getting it, lots of it is kind of foreign depending on the amounts but you've been raised with it.
   
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Re: 9 year old brother is horrible!! NEED HELP! - August 2nd 2010, 05:10 PM

Thanks for the advice but I can't simply refuse to watch my siblings. I love them to much to just leave unsupervised (or rather I love them to much to leave them to be bullied by their brother). I think I'll write each of my parents a letter expressing how I feel and what I need from each of them. I'm sitting down with the sibs tonight (after my parents leave for work of course) and asking them what they would like to see change. From how I watch and discipline them to how they treat each other. I hope this will encourage my brother to act better towards us because talking to my parents is useless. My mom will either ignore me, put ME down, yell, or change the subject and my dad will just go and directly yell at the kids. After years of watching my sibs, I've found that yelling a them does nothing but create chaos and more frustration. I haven't tried sitting down with them and asking them how they feel so I'll do that and tell you all how it went. Thanks again!


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