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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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hopeful41 Offline
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Unhappy FAMILY ISSUES - February 16th 2009, 03:47 AM

I am hoping that using these forums will help me cope with a couple of problems that are occurring in my life.

My sister just graduated college and has decided to live on her own. Coming from a very traditional family, my mom and dad are not too happy and my mom is ALWAYS crying. I try to comfort her for the longest time (the whole crying thing started when my sister started college) but I have become so sick of it.

My mom and dad actually had an arranged marriage and they never seem to get along. Whenever my sister comes over (btw my sister is the most STUBBORN PERSON EVER) there always seems to be fights all around my house.

At times, my mom compares me to a lot of other daughters she knows and says some of the most demeaning comments a person can say. She puts me down a lot and says how I will never be like the other girls in the community. Sometimes she tells me that she wishes she never had me.

One thing that my mom and I just don't seem to agree on is marriage. She believes that you HAVE to marry someone within your religion and shares the same beliefs. I agree, but looking at my parents, I feel that there are other priorities that should be considered when you decide to marry someone.

Since I was a little girl, I have been dealing with a lot of family problems and am so used to this. I am the pacifist within in my family and try to look at everyone else's point of view. Sometimes I feel really alone because a lot of people don't think that i have problems because of my financial security.

Whenever there is a conflict, I try to remind them that there are people in the world who are suffering so much more than we are, but they just don't try to understand.

I just need advice on how to approach my problems. It has been about 15 years since I have been dealing with this. Currently, my sister is trying to arrange a family counselor.

Any advice will be appreciated.
   
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Re: FAMILY ISSUES - February 16th 2009, 03:54 AM

I have a lot of the same problems, if i knew how to fix them i would tell you, but i havnt quite figured it out. The only solution I have is, when you get out of highschool, go off somewhere, go as far as you can. The way i planned it (i live in a smalllll town so ive always wanted to get away from here) is: pack all my stuff in a car or a uhaul or whatever it takes, drive as far west or north i can(i live in the south east, the only place i can go if i go east is the beach and south i end up in florida) within 3 days, get a motel and find a place and a job, and if i ended up somewhere i had family id keep going
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Re: FAMILY ISSUES - February 16th 2009, 04:01 AM

I don't think I would be able to leave my family like that. In my culture, we have learned to respect our family and appreciate them, which I do most of the time, but there are many obstacles we still have to overcome.
   
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Re: FAMILY ISSUES - February 16th 2009, 01:19 PM

Hey there,
I just moved this into the family and friends forum just because I think you may get more responses here. (If mods disagrees feel free to move it).

I think your sister is good for trying to find a family counselor. Your parents do have some issues that they should have sorted out. Your mom should not be putting you down like that, so don't take any of her comments to heart. The counseling may help, but make sure everyone is open to the idea and isn't closed-minded about it when you all first start. You're doing a good job holding your family together but it shouldn't be hurting you to do it. Take care. :]


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Re: FAMILY ISSUES - February 16th 2009, 03:25 PM

Hi hopeful41,
Welcome to TeenHelp! We'll do our best to help you however we can.

I think it would be a good idea to do some family counseling. It sounds like everyone needs to talk things over and find out how to work this out. No one seems happy with the current situation, but a counselor could help all of you figure that out together. I agree with moyshi's comment too, though- everyone needs to be open about it. If you all agree that something needs to be done, then that is a step in the right direction. Just make sure everyone agrees with this.

I know it's difficult, but the best way to deal with your mother's comments is to ignore them. Just know that you are not those other people and those other people are not you. You don't need to act like they do just because your mother thinks you should. Keep your own views.

I think it's great that you are trying to see things from other peoples' point of view as well. That will help you a lot in the future. Just remember to not bypass your own views for someone else.

Stay strong.

Nat.


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