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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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crazykate Offline
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emotionaly abusive mother ... - August 5th 2010, 05:29 PM

I feel so helpess right now, and im not even sure why im writing this on here. i guess i just need opinions and help for my situation.. so i live with my mom and six year old sister. my father lives in another provence two hours away and he comes down every weekend to see us and he brings us to live with his girlfriend. My mother is probably the worst human being i have ever met. Im not trying to exagerate or anything.. she pretty much emotionally abuses me and my sister and she neglects us alot. Generaly my moms a sad and angry person who is very irrational, irresponsible and selfish. she's pretty young (35) and she had me at a young age. During the week when we stay with her all she does is work, then when she gets home she will literally scream at us abour anything at all. she makes it feel like home is a prison and if we dont do everything her way she'll scream at us and insult us. she's never warm or affectionate with us but rather cold... she never does anything with us and she just doesnt take interest in us. shes better with my sister thought thank god. but me every time i ask her for something she shrugs me off and starts yelling at me. i cant tell you how much this has affecte me emotionaly i have a really hard time getting close to people because she hurts me so much.. i tried being nice to her and telling her that she hurts me but she just calls me a drama queen. She never lets me get out of the house except for two of my best friends houses. because she 'knows there parents well' she wont let me do anyhing else because she thinks im just a lying bitch.. All my friends hate he because of how she treats me .. Also the only thig she seems really interested in is going out with her friends whitch is usually 3-4 times a week. when shes with her friends sh'es all lit up and happy but with us shes the exact opposite .. Ive learned to not care about her and expect all thia irrational behavior from her but the thing that pisses me off is that she uses all her money to go out and then she says she has no money to buy us clothes or groceries. Whitch she blames it on our dad because he doesnt support us.. whitch he in reality does.. im only fifteen so i still have three years of my own little hell.. am i overeacting? i know alot of people dont like theyre parents but i think my mom isnt a parent at all.. also is there anything i can do? this is really affecting my life in a negative way.
   
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Re: emotionaly abusive mother ... - August 6th 2010, 07:45 PM

No, you're not overreacting, and I completely agree with your assessment. Your mom gave birth to you when she was still young (19?), so chances are she feels like you "stole" her young adulthood away from her (even though she's the one who got pregnant). As a result, she's still trying to enjoy her young adult years at 35 years old.

Unfortunately, emotional/mental abuse usually aren't enough to get social services involved, but you could talk to your father about moving in with him. He'd have to be 100% behind you, and he'd have to hire a lawyer to draft the necessary documents... but you could go back to court and attempt to change the custodial agreement. At that time, you could present evidence against your mother: that she does not spend her money on you, and thus is an inadequate parent. Your sister could also testify in your favor, and perhaps she'd even like to live with your father as well.

When I was in your position, it helped to think about the future... not in the "I have three more years of this crap" sort of way, but the "I have three more years to come up with an escape plan" sort of way. I couldn't get a job at 15... but I certainly explored possible careers, both minimum-wage AND something I could obtain after earning a bachelors degree. I researched community colleges and four-year universities, talked to my father and learned more about financial aid. Basically, I did my homework, so that by the time I turned 18, I was able to pack everything up and leave, with several "plans" in case things fell through somewhere along the way. Even if you can't live with your dad, you can talk to him and come up with a plan for the future. You could also talk to your sister, and encourage her to do the same.






   
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Re: emotionaly abusive mother ... - August 7th 2010, 01:41 AM

I agree with everything that PSY said. I have been in your situation and it's really hard to describe exactly the way parents like that ARE abusing you, and exactly how much it effects you. I ran away from home when I was 16 and stayed gone til I was 18 and had to move back in with my mother and that was a major kick in the rear for me.
I went to social services and [at least here] they wouldn't help me. They went so far as to tell me that "there is no such thing as emancipation in the state of colorado." but also, like PSY said you may be able to try to get custody changed. That may be MUCH easier said than done. If your mother is like mine, if you try to do that she'll freak out over it and take it all out on you even though any other time she complains that your dad isn't doing his part. =\
Stick it out and have a plan for when you turn 18 so that you CAN just up and leave and you don't get stuck like I did.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can figure out a better arrangement sooner rather than later.
   
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Re: emotionaly abusive mother ... - August 7th 2010, 02:03 AM

I agree with PSY too.
I am in a similar situation and like the other two have said its really hard to prove that someone is emotionally abusing you unfortunately.
If you try to get the custodial agreement changed talk to your dad first to see if he will back you then start to gather evidence against your mom.
If she ever cusses at you you can hide a tape recorder and use that as evidence.
If she ever gives you any sort of physical injuries take pictures of them for proof.
It really does suck that you have to go through all of this but start making plans now so that when you turn 18 you can be as independent as possible.
If you ever want to talk or rant or anything feel free to PM me cause like i said im in a similar situation.


~Samantha~

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