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charismatic21 Offline
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Unhappy please help - August 7th 2010, 06:56 PM

I have finally reached the end of my rope, but I need your advice to make my final decision.
I have a younger sister. She is only 10 months younger than me. People have always assumed we were twins. And up until a certain point, we've always been joined at the hip. We were lucky. She was my God-given best friend. We're even in the same grade. Same school. Used to share the same bedroom. Same clothes, same everything. I loved her so much, because she was like my other half. I could conquer anything as long as I had her beside me.
She's always been kind of weird. Odd. Socially awkward. But I didnt care, she was my sister and she had a good heart and that was all that mattered.
Puberty hit. 7th grade came. Peer pressure was inevitable, and I started smoking and dating older, tough guys. It was a phase that passed and thankfully was contained before it got out of hand; it only lasted a few months, and I stopped smoking before the end of 7th grade.
I got snide remarks afterwards of course. Slut, smoker, etc. because I was the first girl in my grade to have tried smoking, and im guessing the girls were jealous that I got an older guy they could only dream of. But maybe thats just me.
Anyway I pretty much repented. Swore off smoking and didnt bother dating anymore, I thought I was too young and just not ready.
She started changing around then. Because we were in the same grade, people would tell HER "your sister's a slut, your sister's a smoker, etc etc etc". But we were TWELVE. naturally people eventually realized how silly they were being, it was just a cigarette and he was just a boyfriend. 8th grade came and people pretty much forgot. but my sister didnt. she harbored such anger toward me. she told me she was tired of defending me, even though the whole thing lasted less than 2 months. people literally forgot and never mentioned it again. but she didnt!
slowly and VERY painfully we drifted apart. i cant count the number of times i have cried myself to sleep simply because i miss her. oh, we got seperate rooms too. we would fight too much when we shared a room.
academically, i was much smarter than her. socially, much smoother. she found school really difficult and would cry in the car on our home every single day. my mother would tell her im sure u did fine, u studied well, and my sister would get angry and defensive and tell her NO, im going to fail the test. her negativity drove me and my brother crazy--she did this in the morning on our way to school and in the afternoon on our way home. we snapped one day and told her to just stop complaining if she wasnt gonna accept my mother's encouragement.
my mother was also very patient with her. i suppose because shes her mother and shes supposed to be. my siblings and i, not so much. i tried. but after a year of negativity and fighting and unexplained anger we just gave up. she treated us like shit and lashed out at us for absolutely no reason all the time. she wouldnt say good morning, she wouldnt say hello. if by some miracle she decided to sit with us in the living room, she would sit there and emit negative energy and give us all dirty looks and make snide comments and tell us how stupid we all were (always finding ways to make our conversations seem stupid).
in 8th grade my older sister was diagnosed with MS. my way of coping was by starting an awareness campaign. my sister refused to participate in it, which really hurt my older sister and my mother. merely because she didnt feel like it. not because she was in denial or anything. she knew, and she chose to hurt rather than help.
high school came. at this point we are not speaking. we walk past each other like strangers and dont look at each other. her presence annoys the living shit out of me because she is an embodiment of anger and negativity and resentment and she has no reason to be that way because we live such a good life. i still had hope for us, though, so one night i went to her room and sat down and in a very kind way asked her if there was something bothering her, that we could get her help , that there was no shame in getting help, i was her sister and i would support her no matter what.. she completely blocked me out. told me there was nothing wrong and she just wanted us to leave her alone and wanted me to get out of her room. i told her i would ask her one more time, and never again. i asked , and she gave me the same response. i walked out and permanently gave up.
my parents, siblings, and I have always just assumed she has an attitude problem. But I dont think so. I think she suffers from some kind of social or mental disorder. She is always angry for no reason, her mental capacity isnt all that wonderful, shes unable to show love or gratitude, she lashes out at the people who care about her the most without any trigger, she has odd hand gestures and is always defensive and refuses to admit when shes made a mistake..
whats wrong with my sister?
i want to help her, i want to have some idea of what she has and then go to my mother and present her with my theory, and finally get my sister the help she needs.
she keeps hurting me and everyone around her unnecessarily and i cant take it anymore. i dont want to be 50 years old and not speaking to my sister, i dont want to have to eliminate her from my life.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
BrokenHeart315 Offline
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Re: please help - August 8th 2010, 01:33 AM

Umm...wow. First of all-'hugs'
Well, I'm not a doctor, so I can't diagnose your sister's problem-but I'm fairly certain she has one. Talk to you mother & see if you can bring your sister to a doctor-hopefully they can help.
Then you should look into some family counseling. These kind of issues can be resolved, but they won't just go away.
I'm really sorry you're going thru this. If you need anyone to talk to, just shoot me a message. Good luck.

I don't understand why I hang around,
They see what's going down.

Cover up with makeup in the mirror,
Tell myself It's never gonna happen again.
I cry alone,
And then you swear you love me.

Do you feel like a man,
When you push me around?
Do you feel better now,
As I fall to the ground?
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
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Re: please help - August 8th 2010, 10:06 AM

I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been going well for you, for your sister, and for the rest of your family.

It does sound like your sister may be suffering from a mental disorder. Many mental disorders develop or become more pronounced during the adolescent and young adult years. A few mental disorders that come to mind are depression, conduct disorder, bipolar disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder. Since I am not a psychological professional, however, I cannot diagnose your sister (nor would I recommend that you search the internet for symptoms and come up with a diagnosis on your own).

Your best bet would be to convince your mother that your sister needs to see a psychological professional (preferably a psychologist that works with adolescents). You can get a referral from your family doctor, search for psychologists via the internet/telephone book, ask family members/friends for recommendations (if they are currently or have seen someone in the past for their own mental disorders), etc. If cost is an issue, you can call nearby non-profit/low-cost clinics and find out what mental health services they offer (it's not ideal, but it may be better than nothing at all).

Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you have any other questions. =) Again, I am not a psychological professional, so I cannot diagnose your sister... but I am a psychology major, so if you need general knowledge or resources, I may be able to offer those.

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