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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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xxprincessxx Offline
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Name: Sammie
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 488
Join Date: March 7th 2010

moving.... - August 8th 2010, 07:56 AM

so i live with my mom and step-dad.
and i'm moving in a few weeks for college.
so i called my biological dad up and told him i really wanted to see him sunday (he's busy during the week, so the weekend is the only time.)
and he was like, "well, i kind of wanted to go out of town."
so that just kind of upset me, because i mean, his daughters moving away, i won't see him for months and he's acting like it's not big deal if i don't see him before i leave.
so i was like "but dad, this is basically the only time i'm going to get to see you for more than five mins. can't you rearrange this."
and he went off on me basically saying "you don't rule my time and dictate when i see you, when i see you i see you and if that's not good enough that's to damn bad."

which totally hurts because i'm sitting here like wtf? why am i not worth his time, i'm hardly going to see him. and i'm not important enough even just for a couple of hours i really don't know what to say, think or do. he's pinning this on me like it's my fault ((
and i just don't get it.

all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
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Re: moving.... - August 11th 2010, 12:32 AM

I'm sorry to hear that, Sammie. =( How long will he be out of town? You said you won't be leaving for a few weeks... so would it be possible to meet with him on another weekend before you leave?

I've gathered that the two of you aren't all that close... which is a shame, since he's your biological father. Unfortunately, when you don't get to see someone very often, your relationship with them DOES tend to change. My relationship with my dad certainly changed, when I moved away to college and was no longer able to see him on a daily basis. At first, we wanted to see each other every weekend... but after a while, we grew apart. I guess that was our way of coping with the separation. That doesn't mean I love my dad any less, and vice versa... but it does mean that our relationship is different. I'm living a life that is separate from his, and he is living a life that is separate from mine. This last weekend, I ditched my friends so that I could go home and visit my dad... but the two weekends before that, I decided to visit other people. My dad is the same way... sometimes he'll want to come visit me, and other times he'll want to be with his new girlfriend.

Perhaps your dad was simply able to "move on" more quickly than you were able to. It doesn't mean that he no longer loves you, but it DOES mean that he's going to want to live his own life now. To him, you're family, which means you're important... but you're not his little girl anymore. You're an adult now, and sooner or later, you'll have to create a life of your own as well. That may not be something you can understand right now, because you're just heading off to college... but after a year or two, I think you'll be able to wrap your head around the idea. Again, it's not a bad thing... but it IS different, and change can be stressful for everyone.

With that out of the way... it wasn't right for your dad to say what he said. Maybe he felt like you were guilt-tripping him, and maybe he wanted to have his "freedom", but that doesn't give him the right to attack you like that. Since it's been a few days, I would give him a call and discuss what happened. Apologize first, and see if he'll apologize in return. Then, ask him what day/time would work prior to your going off to college.

Last edited by PSY; August 11th 2010 at 12:38 AM.
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