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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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rednailpolish92 Offline
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Angry Overprotective Parents - August 9th 2010, 08:09 PM

SO, this is what prompted this post. last night, i told my mom that i was going to the movies with some friends. everything was fine until she told me to send her a picture of where i was at becasue she didnt believe me. then, after i sent her a picture of the theater, she went to the theater and stood there and waited for me to come out. well, i wasnt at the theater, i was just hanging out at the mall with some friends. we werent being stupid. we werent drinking or smoking or anything. we really were JUST CHILLING. this type of thing happens all the time tho, and i dont understand why my parents cant just trust me. like, i have a 3.9 GPA (straight A's and AP classes), ive never done anything stupid before, ive worked at my job for a year and have only called off once. im a really good person and i just dont see why my parents cant trust me. her ridiculous and embarrassing little stunts are causing major issues with my friends... they dont want to hang out with me because of all the shit they have to deal with from my mom. my parents will call their parents to make sure that they know where there daughter is. who does that????? how can i make my parents let me do stuff? im almost 18 and think that i can handle myself. im honestly considering moving out when i turn 18, i just have nowhere to go. its really THAT BAD
   
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Re: Overprotective Parents - August 11th 2010, 01:08 AM

My mom was overly protective of me when I was younger. She usually accompanied me on play dates, and she if couldn't come with me, she always met with my friends' parents first. As I grew older, she went from being overly protective to overly controlling. There's a huge difference between the two.

When a parent is overly protective, it's usually because they fear for their child's safety. They may be out of control, but they do it out of love. Perhaps one (or both) of your parents had negative experiences in their own childhood... maybe this is how their parents were, so they see this kind of behavior as perfectly normal.

When a parent is overly controlling, however, it's usually because they enjoy having power over another human being. Instead of fearing for their child's safety, they fear for their own happiness... so in an attempt to preserve their happiness, they force their loved ones to obey them. Essentially, they get rid of their own fear by causing other people to be fearful of them.

So ask yourself which of these two scenarios you are currently dealing with. Is your mother overly protective, or is she overly controlling? If your mother is overly protective, then there's still hope. You can sit down with her and discuss what is and is not acceptable behavior on both of your parts. For example, it was not okay for you to lie about where you were going... but it was not okay for your mom to follow you around town. The two of you need to learn to trust one another - both to be honest AND to do the right things in general. Ask your mom to share with you her reasons for being overly protective. Maybe you can find a way to ease her fears. It's not going to happen overnight, but with time, the two of you can learn to communicate better and come to an agreement about what is and is not acceptable behavior.

If your mother is overly controlling... well, I don't know what to say, other than to prepare for the day you turn 18. Keep saving up money, and start asking other family member and friends for support. An overly controlling person usually cannot be reasoned with, and you have to do something drastic (like moving out) to demonstrate that they CANNOT control you forever. With time, they may be willing to negotiate, as having some contact with you is better than having no contact whatsoever. They'll learn they can't control you, but that they DO have some control over their own lives (and consequently, their relationships with other people).





   
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Re: Overprotective Parents - August 11th 2010, 03:05 AM

My parents are over protective too. Its feels good to know they care but sometimes they just get plain annoying. I find the best way to deal with it is to be open with them or have another family member that they are comfortable speaking with, speak to them. My dad relaxed a little bit when my cousins began talking to him about that type of stuff. They basically told my parents that im a big kid and that they should be able to trust me and what im doing. and that they should know that i know what is right and wrong.
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Re: Overprotective Parents - August 11th 2010, 09:03 PM

I know what you mean. My parents are like that too. Telling your mom how annoying it is probably won't help, but you could try.
Good luck
   
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