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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy out cast amoung friends - August 14th 2010, 11:31 AM

I love all my friends and I'm so glad they all get along for the most part and I really dont have the drama of liking someone who dont like another one of my friends this said sometimes I feel like an out cast. Like now. See I'm not the most outgoing person never have been and when I'm in small groups of people normally I just shy away until I know everyone pretty well. Tonight I'm with the normal group Anghel Mona Ninja Kat Shadow and Jessie Anghel Mona and I cat napped Ninja kitty and we went to see shadow and Jessie and like always I feel so left out with them it seams like whenever Ninja Kat or Jessie is around suddenly I'm not wanted around at all EPICALLY with Jessie I can be talking just as loud as the rest yet I say something someone says I'm being too loud I'm interrupted a lot usually by Mona but she dose that to everyone I don't think she really realizes it Shadow and Jessie are staying at a hotel tonight and I just told them my allergy's were acting up (witch they kinda are thanks to the AC) but here I am sitting in the car about to cry. I know I'm not the most attractive or smartest or anything really and each and everyone of my friends are grate to me when its us one on one or like tonight in the car getting Ninja Kat I was fine Anghel Mona and I were having a good time and I felt apart of the group and even after Ninja Kat got in the car I was still apart of the group its only when it gets to be five and six people that I really start having problems getting a word in edge wise. When James is around is when things sometimes get weird but in a good non sexual way He always takes time to listen to what I have to say even when the rest of them are being crazy but still I feel.... left out right now and I'm also upset cause we got some food earlier tonight from white castle I said I'd share well I'm not someone who can sit down and eat everything at once I eat a little here and a little there I littler had three chicken rings and NO cheese sticks well I went to get some out of twenty rings two were left and out of ten cheese sticks NONE were left I thought sharing was making sure everyone had some? and the thing is this is not the first time this has happened. I'm not really skinny but I am average Mona (who was supposed to share with me) is a big girl and has a habbet of if its right there she will eat it every time we share something I feel like I'm in an eating contest I'm not trying to be mean I know that's how it can come off but its just she is a fast eater I'm slow and if I do eat fast I get sick there is a reason I eat the way I do. I've tried talking to her but she always changes the subject and or says something like well you've been saying you want to lose weight just think of how much I've saved you. that is just rude. still all of my friends are there when I need them like when things happened with my family when I within a weeks time lost everything I owned got evicted from my place because of my mother and my family what was left of them or at least the only person that really mattered to me moved to Georgia and I was left homeless with nothing but some cloths and a stalker that would not back off and leave me alone once even calling the cops for a False suicide attempt it was James who took me into his place Jessie also lives there James has been helping her out for over a year now because she broke her foot and is still unable to work is on crutches all that Mona has been there along with Ninja Kat and Anghel for emotional support so its NOT like they are not all my friends and are just a bunch of ass holes still tho I'm frustrated and upset. has anyone else ever had these kinds of things? how do you deal with them? what should I do? I love all my friends I just dont know what to do atm
   
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Re: out cast amoung friends - August 17th 2010, 02:40 AM

I understand what you're going through. I do well when I'm talking to someone one-on-one. As more and more friends join the conversation, however, I begin to feel like I'm being left out. It's not because I'm shy or because they're rude... some of my friends just "stand out" a bit more. They're more exciting, and naturally take the spotlight when we're with a bunch of people. I'm good at holding a conversation, but I can't command everyone's attention like some of my other friends can. It's frustrating, and it can make me feel a bit unwanted at times.

What you need to realize is that it's not personal... and if it's not personal, then you can't blame your friends for how you're feeling. They can only do so much to ensure that everyone is happy. At some point, you need to take matters into your own hands, and either accept the situation for what it is, or change it as best you can. If you accept that you're not going to "stand out" when there are a bunch of people around, then you can learn to sit back and enjoy the show, versus constantly attempting to get everyone's attention (and stressing out when that doesn't work). If you accept that your friends can't always look out for you when you're with a group of people, then you can start monitoring your own actions/moods and work toward being happier when you're in a similar situation.

Let's use the food as an example. You eat slower than most of your friends. Your friends know this. Therefore, when you're just with one or two people, they're likely to be considerate and save some food for you to eat later. When there are a bunch of people around, though, you need to start looking out for yourself. What I would do is grab some food ahead of time, put it on a plate, and take it with me. That way, you have whatever you want right away, and no one is going to take it off of your plate. You can eat it whenever you'd like, and they don't have to think about whether or not you're getting enough food later on. It's a win-win scenario, and little changes like that will add up over time. =)





   
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