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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ninabonita Offline
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Name: Lee
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Unhappy I don't know what to do. I need to get out of here... - August 17th 2010, 06:03 AM

This is a repost from my Yahoo! Answers account, but it sums the situation up fine. :/

I currently live with my mom and my brother.
My mom mentally abuses me and my brother physically and mentally abuses me.
My mom is always telling me that I'll never be successful, calling me fat, blaming me for everything that goes wrong, and lots of other things.
She goes out drinking every night, even work nights. She recently got a boyfriend and now she pays no attention to me. If she does, it's completely insults.
She tells me to move out all the time and go find another family that will take me.
I'm a very sensitive person. :/
And like, I'm not even a bad kid. It's just I'm not afraid to tell her what's up and I'm not going to lie about what I'm feeling to make her feel better about herself.

I have another family that may or may not take me in. The lady who lives there has known me since I was 6 months old and is a close friend of mine. She is also friends with my mom, but she is aware of the things my mom says to me.
I just can't take all the constant insults and having my self esteem torn down by her. I don't like my brother being so unruly and thinking he owns me. I can't stand crying for hours, literally, every day.
My mom will then tease me and say "Why are you crying/why are you crying now?" when she sees me doing that. I don't like how I get to just sit around all day, staring at walls because she won't buy me anything to keep me busy - yet she does for my brother and herself. The most I do is go on the computer, but when I don't and someone is using the tv, I have nothing to do. My brother has an xbox and the whole two tvs shabang in his room. My mom has a tv in her room but refuses to watch anything in there. But if someone is on the computer, I can't watch anything on her tv. I don't go outside often because I live on a resort and I can't stand walking around by myself with everyone just staring at me. :/ (I live by no friends)
The house is always a mess and I can't stand it.
Yet the lady I want to live with has a clean house and an all-around positive attitude in her house hold. I feel it would raise my grades and improve my being, as in a brighter person and open to more things.

How do I talk to my mom about moving out and persuading this lady to allow me to move in with her? :/ I have no idea myself. Thank you.


It's just really difficult. I don't want to call child services or anything like that, you know? I wouldn't suggest that. I don't even know if it qualifies, I just can't stand being around these people. My father died over a year ago. I didn't know him well. I can't go to him, nor other family. The closest family I have is 1,400 miles away. But this lady, I'm real close to her. How can I bring up this topic with my family, and then discuss moving in with the lady? I don't know where to begin. I have a feeling my mom wouldn't care, because she wants to get rid of me as much as I'd like to leave her. I'm just too ... like idk, confused to ask the woman about staying at her place. Sorry if this is a bit confusing or jumbled up.. but if this goes on any longer at my house, I don't know where my life is going to be headed.


Que lo que siento por ti es ternura y pasión. Tú me has hecho sentir que hay en mi corazón, amor.
What I feel for you is tenderness and passion. You have made me feel in my heart, love.
   
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Re: I don't know what to do. I need to get out of here... - August 17th 2010, 08:18 AM

Hello, Lee. I'm sorry to hear about everything that's going in your life right now. =(

You're right... CPS probably couldn't do much to help you. If you were able to take pictures of injuries (ex. bruises) caused by your brother's physical abuse, then they might have something to work with. Emotional abuse can be difficult to prove, however. It's also hard to define emotional abuse. For example, your mom could claim that she is tired, that you're uncooperative, that you're just jealous because you brother has more stuff, etc. She could come up with several reasons as to why she's always yelling at you... and unfortunately, it wouldn't be enough to get you out of the house. =/

If you have the opportunity to live in a safer, more loving environment, I would go for it! First, be sure that you actually have somewhere to go. Talk to the woman you mentioned in your post. Even though she's your mom's friend, she may not know about EVERYTHING that's going on in your household. Once she has a clear picture of what's going on, ask her if she would be willing to take you in. Work out the finer details BEFORE you move in: how you're going to get to school, what chores you'll do as "payment" for rent, what will happen if you're ever injured, etc. That, in my opinion, will be your greatest challenge. Depending on the country you live in, you may need to legally change your guardian from your mom to this woman. Perhaps your mom can simply sign a contract, saying that you have permission to live with this woman from now on... but then you'll need to figure out if your mom is still responsible for your medical care and other living expenses, too.

Once you've got as much of that sorted out as possible with this woman, talk to your mom. State that you've found someone who has a spare bedroom and is willing to rent it out to you. How much more you want to say is up to you. Maybe you'd feel comfortable enough to ask your mom for help with packing and moving your bed, dresser, etc. Maybe you'd just want to stick to the basics, and ask your mom to sign the contract/paperwork after informing her of your future plans to move out. It may help to have this woman present when you break the news... that way, those two can discuss things together as well.

It's a delicate situation, but I am confident in your ability to work something out! =) I wish you all the best.





   
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