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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Family fights...HELP - August 21st 2010, 03:44 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So me and my mom live together and we're dealing with a DHS custody court case and it puts a strain on her. We have been snapping at each other lately and it bothers me so much to see her mad, I isolate for days. She is a big part of my support group since my therapist wants to end theripy but i dont feel ready. My mom is also making me change theripists and i dont want to, but i cant speak up. I cry till 2 am everynight clutching a doll i made. Im 14 and i need a doll for support! I hate that ive fallen on the support of a doll Im losing my support and im falling back into my destructive habits but my theripist is done with me and my mom... Im so caucious around her. I need help. I cant depend on my caseworker, i dont want to be in foster care again I dont want my addictions again...
   
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Re: Family fights...HELP - August 21st 2010, 10:41 PM

Hi Dorothy.

I think that, at this time, it's especially important for you to take a step back from your mother when you two begin to get frustrated with each other. Snapping and yelling at each other isn't gonig to help, and is only going to put a bigger strain on your relationship. Focus on using "I-statements" when you talk to her (ex: "I feel as though..." rather than "You...") to put take the blame off of everyone and adopt a more neutral stance.

As far as speaking up about wanting to keep the same therapist, I know you feel as though you cannot, but have you thought about writing a note? It may seem silly, but it's actually a very effective method of communication and sounds like it'd be really helpful for you and your mother! It will also allow you to get down all of your thoughts on paper while you're more relaxed and not as on edge as you would be if you were verbally communicating with her.

You are in charge of your addictions, Dorothy, so take ownership of that situation! You don't have to fall back into anything you don't want to fall back into - much of it is a mental addiction, so if you can continue to resist wanting to fall back, you won't! Try to keep your mind off of it, and instead, focus that energy on brainstorming different ways you can continue down a positive path.

Take good care of yourself; I hope things work out!



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