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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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13_hannah Offline
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Unhappy My parents have SUCH high expectations of me! Please help! :( - August 21st 2010, 03:42 PM

I've always wanted to impress my parents and make them feel proud of me but that's very rare. I'm not saying they don't love me or anything, because they do care a lot about me and my older brother. I'm almost 14 years old, and will be starting high school soon.

Since I'm Asian, (therefore there's that stereotypical "smart Asian" thing), I've always been suffering from immense pressure by my other Asian (Korean, Japanese, Chinese) classmates to achieve the same academic standards as them. They have tutors, textbooks, workbooks, and academies every single day. But my parents don't think like that, they're always telling me that it's always the best thing to study by yourself instead of paying someone to "study" for you. So I didn't have any of that...

So I did... from 1st to 8th grade, I've done everything myself, corrected my own mistakes, and did my best. My parents say they want me to be happy, to do what I want. But then they tell me that when I go to college, I better get a scholarship because they're definitely not paying for both me and my brother. They badger me soo much about what I'm going to be when I grow up... It's like they're disappointed I haven't invented a new language or like... a 4D television yet.

I understand that to truly stand out in the world, you have to be unique and "ahead" of everyone, but I wish they'd give me a break sometimes... I am only 13, I just want to enjoy my few years as a child before I spend the rest of my life as an adult. I've done what they've asked, for 8th grade I've gotten all A~A+s, I've done loads of charity work, participated in music festivals, sang in the talent show, asked a lot of questions in class, and tried to make as many good friends as possible. I even got a congratulatory letter for academic achievement signed by President Obama (I don't think he signed each letter.. more like made photocopies.. but you understand)!!

I don't know what more they could want from me. Yet still they complain I'm not saying I'm perfect in any way, because I'm not. No one's perfect, and I wish my parents would acknowledge that I can't be their "perfect" daughter. Now that it's summer vacation, I just want to relax, swim, hang out with my friends, you know, be a normal KID.

But no... My dad talks about how I should study my Spanish for when school starts, and how EVERYONE else is studying during summer and I should prepare for high school as well. If I tell him "I've gotten A+s last year, what more do I need to study?", he just goes... "Anyone can get an A+ in middle school. You have to do MORE than that! DON'T YOU GET IT??"

I think HE doesn't get that it's not really easy to get a 100 on a test... I had to study for three hours straight, past 12, lug around a 10 pound textbook during school, study endlessly on the bus ride to and from school and at any available moment. Once I get a satisfying A+, I show my parents. They're happy for the first 30 seconds. And then they say, "Ok good. Now go back and study because that A+ could always turn into a C."

My dad ALWAYS looks at what I do on the computer, like he wants to catch a glimpse of me making a new Hollywood movie or writing a brilliant new program, or something. If he sees me watching The Simpsons and chatting to my friends on Skype, he just gets this HUGE disapproving frown and sulks around the house for a few days. May I as, what is so wrong about a 13 year old girl wanting to talk to her friends and watch The Simpsons??

Whenever we get into an arguement, they always do that thing.. either the "I'm an adult and I know what I'm talking about" or "You guys aren't grateful enough... Imagine if you were living in a one roomed house with five siblings and no computers. Look at all you have!" thing. Of course I'm grateful for everything my parents have given me! I just wish it would be the other way around sometimes, that MY parents would just SMILE for once when I get high honors in class, or whenever I learn a new piano piece in 2 days to play for them, or when I show them a new movie I made.

I've given up pretty much most of my teen life (aka... social interaction) to try and impress them. Nothing's working. I'm so sorry about this huge, long post. It's just I've had a LOT bottled inside! If anyone is kind enough to read this... what do you think I should do? I don't think I could keep doing this for longer...

ANY answers would be appreciated! Thank you guys so much, have a great day
xx
~13_hannah
   
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BrokenHeart315 Offline
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Re: My parents have SUCH high expectations of me! Please help! :( - August 21st 2010, 11:36 PM

Hey hon.
I understand what your going thru. My parents are the EXACT same way. Nothing I do can please them, but unlike you, I've given up long ago.
I know it's probably bad thing to say to give up...but there's nothing you can do. First of all, believe me, NO ONE is studying for school during the summer. NO ONE goes thru high school going crazy about every little assignment or quiz. The ones that do land in the hospital. Literally.
What I would advise you to do is to stop trying to please your parents so much. Still try to get good grades and be ambitious, but remember that you are a teenager and you deserve to have a social life and some fun.
'hugs' Hang in there, sweetie, and message me anytime. Remember, just find a balance that works for you.



I don't understand why I hang around,
They see what's going down.

Cover up with makeup in the mirror,
Tell myself It's never gonna happen again.
I cry alone,
And then you swear you love me.

Do you feel like a man,
When you push me around?
Do you feel better now,
As I fall to the ground?
   
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thebigmole Offline
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Re: My parents have SUCH high expectations of me! Please help! :( - August 23rd 2010, 04:22 AM

My parents are similar to yours. And like Belle I too gave up, I just gave up on having a social life. However I was lucky, I never needed to study to get the grades my parents wanted. Some advice, in high school make friends with your teachers. That way if they like you, and they know the type of pressure your parents put on you, if you mess up a little and don't get the grade you want, that could be fixed. Some times it's about playing the system. Still work hard, but don't kill yourself over it.


"For Ignorance killed the cat, Curiosity was framed." -Caitlin McGrath

"For this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." -Mary Pickford

"But the music's so happy!" -Little Sally: Urinetown

"If our own policies aren't supporting equality then what are we fighting for?"- Kathy Griffin
   
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13_hannah Offline
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Re: My parents have SUCH high expectations of me! Please help! :( - August 28th 2010, 01:25 PM

thanks SO much guys!! You've really made me feel a lot better... I'll try to do what you guys told me... *hugs*
   
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Re: My parents have SUCH high expectations of me! Please help! :( - September 6th 2010, 02:42 PM

You sound like you do amazingly well in life btw.
I would talk to a counselor at school and ask for advice on how to talk to them, then write a letter or sit down and have a talk about how you do realy well but you also would like to relax sometimes and everyone needs a balance.
Remember, your life is for YOU not them.
And, for the computer thin, just have a window for something educational minimized and pull it up when they come in. :P
Best of luck!!


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"And if you take my hand, my son, all will be well when the day is done."
   
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