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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Twisted Offline
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This is getting me down so much. - August 22nd 2010, 01:22 PM

I've made a few posts about this before. I just don't know what to do anymore, things between me and my friend aren't great. I'm sitting here, eyes streaming with tears i really don't know what to do, i want my friend back but it's hard. Since she's got pregnant we've drifted massively. I said some things, she said some things but i apologised to her and things started to go back to normal. But it's like we're drifting again. I text her the other day because i needed info on our friends wedding next week, but i also wanted to see how she and her bump was doing. She didn't even acknowledge the question when i asked about her, so that conversation didn't really last. I thought she'd want to tell me everything, but no. She moaned at me before when we didn't speak for a couple of weeks because she thought that because she was pregnant i didn't want to know anymore (so stupid to be honest) when really it was because i was stressed with things going on in my life and i found it hard to talk to a lot of people during that time.

I just feel really intimidated by her as well, i don't know why. It's like i don't wanna say something in case she's not in the mood to talk or she stresses at me or i say something wrong etc. And it's not like she's really making much effort to talk to me either, and it's making me feel like she's not interested in being friends anymore. Me and my boyfriend are both good friends with her boyfriend, he's completely fine with us. I can talk to him like i always have but it's like since my friend became pregnant all she cares about is whether people acknowledge the fact that she's pregnant. It's like no one else is allowed to have problems because they've got a baby on the way her boyfriend works a lot and they don't have a lot of money. I mean i can fully understand what they're going through it must be hard for them at the moment, but i just want her to understand that even though i'm not pregnant, i still have things going on. I don't want to be 1up'd all the time by her i just want a little understanding.

This morning i posted a lame status on facebook that wasn't really to do with anything (i don't think before i post stuff i tend to just say what i think at the time) and she posted one when she came online about how people attention seek over facebook and stuff. I had a feeling it was directed at me, just like when she made a status about people not caring about her being pregnant (brief outline), that was about me. It's just like "who cares who posts what on facebook, i don't care what other people put, i don't really care about what i put. I forget about it pretty quick". If someone wants to post a depressing status or whatever, then let them its their facebook. I left a comment on her status it wasn't mean or anything it was light hearted, just so show that i wasn't pissed at her or anything. But she was really cold in her reply, like i tried to make light of the situation and she was just like "no". I just don't know what her problem is, i really don't. She can put it down to being pregnant but i've met a number of pregnant women before and they've never been like this. My auntie has had 3 kids and she's never acted in the way that my friend has.

She's become friendlier with a couple of other people that i know, i'll admit i do feel a little jealous. Because she's always going on about how they went round to so and so's house or how so and so bought them this for the baby. I mean, we don't have money to buy them gifts, not at the moment. I was hoping that just being there for her would be enough but it's not. I just feel like i should give up it's a lost cause and let her get on with her life, she doesn't want me to be a part of it. I know i've made some mistakes in this friendship but i've apologised and tried to make things better, its just like it's all crumbling before me and i can't do anything. I need some advice to make things better, i really want to talk to her but as i said i feel really intimidated by her and i'm scared that if i try and talk about this then she'll turn it completely and make me look like the worst friend in the world. I don't want to lose my friend over this, no one can understand how much i don't want this to happen. SH has been crossing my mind a lot lately, and i haven't done anything like that since i was 16. Anyone have any advice to help me with this situation? I just want us to be able to get along like before she was pregnant, i don't know what's changed. I don't know what i've done.

Thanks for reading.

Last edited by Twisted; August 22nd 2010 at 01:31 PM. Reason: Accidentally posted before i finished.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This is getting me down so much. - August 22nd 2010, 01:59 PM

By the way you write, you are clearly an intelligent person.
However, have you ever just thought of moving on? I know it sounds harsh, but friends come and go, people change all the time in your life. If she's not making an effort why should you? Your friend sounds as if she is giving you a needless amount of stress.

You've tried, you have nothing against her and if she's hanging around other people, you could go and find your own set of friend. No one's stopping you, try expanding your horizions it's not the end of the world! You life is just beginning, Your 19!

You have problems in your life so does she we can agree on that, however if she's going to be like a huge rollercoaster then why should you always be on the ride? Okay if she's preganate and hormones, I wouldn't know that could possibily change things. Yet you always seem to be the enabler in this friendship? Always asking what she wants, what she needs and that shows signs of an excelent friend however, every once in a while say I.

From what I understand a friendship should make you equal, your friend makes you feel as if your not on the same level as her. I think you should just need a little more confidence and just say No, or I would like to do this.

It's okay to say what's on your mind everyonce in a while, your no different from your friend you deserve the same rights she does!
And gosh girl you haven't done anything wrong, just say "Screw it and move on"

Hope this helps
Nina


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This is getting me down so much. - August 22nd 2010, 02:28 PM

Thankyou for your reply and the compliment on my writing, i enjoy writing so it means a lot.

The thing is because i'm friends with her boyfriend and my boyfriend just so happens to be her boyfriends best friend of 7years i risk losing both him and her as friends. And my boyfriend could lose his best friend, not saying it will happen but it could. Chain reaction and all that. I have thought about asking her boyfriend if she thinks i've done something wrong but i don't know how my friend would react to that. I don't know maybe as a last resort but i'm worried that if he tells her then she'll think i've been bitching about her when really all i would have asked would be "is she annoyed at me for something?". Maybe that's a little irrational but it could happen.

I don't want to walk away, maybe i will eventually if there is nothing i can do to make things normal but i don't give up easy unless i know its the right choice and at the moment walking away doesn't feel like the right thing to do, may sound weird but that's just me. Also if i just walk away that will justify what she said about me not wanting to know anymore and i'm not one to give people the satisfaction of thinking something that isn't true. Because if i did walk away it wouldn't be because i don't care, it would be because there is nothing i can do to make it work, and i'd want them to know that.

I've even tried giving her the benefit of the doubt because she's pregnant and has all these crazy hormones but i just can't do that anymore. She keeps saying stupid things about how hard it is being pregnant, basically attention seeking but of course she's pregnant so she can do what she wants. I know its hard being pregnant, you feel uncomfortable, achy, hormonal, etc. I haven't been through it but i know what to expect and i can feel sorry for and relate to women who go through it but there's a limit, you know? Millions of women fall pregnant every year, yes it is amazing but at the same time its nothing new either, she acts like she's the only pregnant woman in the world. It's all me me me with her and she doesn't even realize she's doing it.

Sorry if i got a little mean at the end there but i'm so frustrated with everything.

Last edited by Twisted; August 22nd 2010 at 02:57 PM.
   
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Re: This is getting me down so much. - August 24th 2010, 03:40 PM

I forgot to mention, me my boyfriend my friend and her boyfriend are all travelling together to a wedding on Sunday, we'll be spending about an hour in the car, i'm really worried that it's gonna be awkward or something. I don't really know where i stand at the moment since there hasn't been much communication between us. Also i'd assume we'll be sitting together at the wedding and the reception so i'm kinda panicking. I hate confrontation and i hate awkward situations even more. The one thing that worried me most is if me and her are left on our own, i won't have a clue what to say and i have a feeling that its just gonna be horribly awkward. I'm going to try and act normal but if i feel intimidated because she's not responding and just being quiet then i won't know what to do.

Anyone else care to share an opinion? Even if its having a go at me i need more opinions to help me with this, please? (not that what ILoveDimaBilan said wasn't usefull cuz i really appreciate the help i just like to hear different views on things), Thats why i post on this website so i can get more than one opinion when it comes to a problem. Thanks.
   
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Re: This is getting me down so much. - August 26th 2010, 06:37 AM

I remember reading your other posts about this so-called "friend", and I'm sorry to hear that things are still rocky between the two of you. =(

Honestly, I would like to back Nina up, and ask that you reconsider ending your friendship with this girl. In my mind, losing her as a friend is a win-win... you don't have to deal with the drama, and she can spend more time with her new friends (ones who are willing to listen to all her crap xD). You seem to be concerned about losing her boyfriend as a friend, though. Well, this is all I have to say to that: if he's that WEAK of a man, where he won't even stay in touch with you because of what his girlfriend thinks, then you're not missing out on much. People disagree... that's life. Friends disagree, co-workers disagree, family members disagree, etc. Your friend will eventually learn that, just because she doesn't like someone, it doesn't mean that she can force everyone else to stop liking that person, too. She is NOT the center of the universe, and relationships WILL carry on regardless of what she thinks. Again, if your relationship with her boyfriend DOESN'T carry on, then that says something about his character... and in my opinion, you won't be missing out on much.

In regards to the upcoming wedding... what time will you be leaving? If it's early in the morning, maybe you can just close your eyes and take a nap during the first car ride? If you're returning late in the evening, you can do the same thing. xD You could also bring "important paperwork" along, and claim that you would looove to talk, but reeeally need to get some stuff sorted out. You could also bring a book to read in the car, and chime in whenever other people strike up a conversation (that way, you won't feel pressured to make "small talk" with her). You could talk to your boyfriend ahead of time, and ask that he strike up a conversation with you after being in the car for 5-10 minutes. When you get to the wedding itself, you can always excuse yourself and greet a few of your friends. Even after sitting down, you can take a few bites, then turn to someone else and talk about the wedding and how wonderful it was. After eating, you can get up from the table and wander around, greeting more friends (or even meeting new people). You definitely do NOT have to sit at the table the entire time and make "small talk" with your friend.





   
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