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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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someoneoutthere Offline
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what should i do - August 27th 2010, 12:01 AM

my parents are divorced and since i was a baby i've gone back and forth between houses. both parents remarried. i want to stop living out of a suitcase because its really affecting me right now. i want to tell my dad that i want to live at my moms most of the time and visit him some weekends. all i really want right now is to know what its like to have a regular family but i'll never have that... i dont know what to say to him, because he hasnt done anything wrong and i dont want him to think its his fault. i dont know what to do and i dont know what to say. what should i do? what would you do?


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Re: what should i do - August 27th 2010, 03:44 AM

Well you deserve a steady home and if you want to live full time at your moms and just visit him from time to time, you need ot tell him that. And tell him why, theres no reason he wouldnt understand that and respect that. Yes he may be abit hurt by it, but he will understand, and will know if its whats best for you, that you should do it. Jusr assure him you will still come around and call him and what not to make sure that connection never falters
   
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someoneoutthere Offline
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Re: what should i do - August 27th 2010, 05:44 AM

i just dont know how to say it so that its not awkward whenever i talk to him. he always tries to guilt me into feeling bad and he ends up getting what he wants. i know when i tell him what i want, he is going to say stuff to get me to change my mind, so i'll try my best to let all that go. as stated in the divorce agreement, i am legally allowed to say where i want to be, so its really not a question. i'm just really confusedd and mixed up these days.
i go to my moms to get a break from my dad, but my dads is also a break from my mom.
i just really want a normal life, with one house, two parents, and no suitcase. every few days i shove all of my clothes into a bag and get in the car. i understand it now and i hate it....


-i still believe,
that there is more love than hate, theres more heart than ache,
and we are stuck in this great big world together-
<3
-red jumpsuit apparatus
   
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Re: what should i do - August 27th 2010, 06:57 AM

I would bring both parents together and talk about this. They need to both be aware about what is going on in your psyche. You are not being selfish by doing what is best for you in this thorny situation. Tell them that you are going to settle into a single house, and be firm but gentle. It is not considerate or fair of your Dad to manipulate you into serving his whims and desires. You need to be firm, it's now or never. It's nice enough that you are willing to visit him on some weekends and not to completely lose contact with him. You can tell him you are moving to your Mom's for reasons of convenience, like if friends or certain stores are closer to her house or if the neighborhood your mom lives in is more suitable for you. Allow him to make compromise, but make sure to not lose your original stance of living with your Mom. You don't deserve to be treated like a ping pong ball. Eventually you have to face the truth, so you might as well get it over with before the dilemma becomes more complex. Good luck, I hope everything works out for the best. You can always PM me, as well.


"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

   
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Re: what should i do - August 27th 2010, 07:37 AM

Well man i understand you want one house one room, and for that your gonna have to tell your dad. What your gonna have to do it sounds like is just sit him down and tell him, look it, "I need this for me right now, maybe not forever, but right now i need this and i really need you to accept that and not argue with me about it and not be mad about it or make me feel like i am doing something wrong or hurtful to you." He is your dad, somewhere somehow he will understand, it may take him awhile to see it (hopefully not) but it might, just don't ruin your connection with him, by moving in with your mom and then never seeing him.
   
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someoneoutthere Offline
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Re: what should i do - August 27th 2010, 11:29 PM

thanks i'll add that in while i'm talking to him
   
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Re: what should i do - August 27th 2010, 11:34 PM

Keep me posted on how it goes. He is your dad and no matter what he does want whats best for you, sometimes its just hard for parents to see what really is best for their children when it doesnt directly involve them or isnt their doing/idea. And again with anything sometimes there are a bit of hurt feelings, but in the end as long its what you need and you don't just drop him, things should work out just fine. Just be sure to try and make a solid effort in staying in good contact with him. by calling him/texting, going over there maybe for dinners or lunches once in awhile or just meeting up and having coffee/lunch somewhere, things like that. It will make him see that yuo didn't just want to ger away from him, and that it really is just about feeling like you have a solid foundation for a living space.
   
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