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puddleotter Offline
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A misunderstanding... - August 27th 2010, 10:27 PM


It's been a while now, and I figured I might as well post this to try and get some advice, since the situation hasn't worked itself out. I am changing the names for privacy reasons, to Sally, Jack, and Frank.

There had been a situation in which I had blocked Jack on skype, because I couldn't cope with someone as distressed and suicidal as he was, as I was already stressed out and frustrated enough as it is studying and revising for my GCSE exams, especially when it seemed that everyone from teachers to parents were pressuring me to not fail. I had, however introduced him to my friend Sally before I felt the need to block him, around about the time when he got worked up when I wouldn't stay up to 4am online because he couldn't sleep.

When the exams were over, and I had cooled off, I pretty much realised how douche-baggy it was that I had just left my friend without a trace, and hardly any explanation, and attempted to apologise to him, even though I knew I couldn't just do horrid things like that and expect everything to be fine and dandy again. Obviously, he still disliked him, and I didn't blame him for that, I just felt extremely guilty.

Let me tell you now that my friend, Sally, is an 'irl' friend, and can be considered one of my 'best' friends. (I don't really use that term a lot because all of my friends mean a lot to me) We've been friends for about eight years, and ever since she moved up to Scotland around 3 years ago, we've been sending each other packages, letters, talking on skype non stop, you name it! I even went up to visit her twice.

However, when this situation with Jack was happening, she would talk about Jack a lot, about how awesome he was, and when he was on webcam, etc. Of course, this made me feel even more guilty, since I presumed that Jack hated my guts. Jealousy also let me to believe that since Jack hated me, he would try and turn Sally against me, or say bad things about me to her.

All of this made me very upset, and when I was still up at 3am crying my eyes out, I really needed someone to talk to. So I logged onto my ipod touch msn, and someone whom I presumed a friend was there online. I will call him Frank. He told me that I sounded upset, and I explained the situation. I wasn't nasty about anyone, I simply explained how I felt, and how I felt guilty and jealous because of what I did to Jack, and how it seemed to me that Sally might soon start taking preferences.

This was in July, please keep that in mind. Frank has done some bad things to me before. He is an 'internet' friend. A long time ago I was at my friends leaving party, and they had invited someone I shall call Jade, whom I didn't like too much at the time. Jade gave me a birthday present though, that was really thoughtful and kind. Later on that day I told Frank on msn that Jade had been invited to the party, and it was a shock for me, since I didn't expect her to be there. I also mentioned that it seemed she was staring at my breasts a lot in a jokey way, but she gave me a really thoughtful birthday present. Frank started talking to Jade on msn, and told her that I hated her, and that she was a gross pervert and I only 'liked' her because of her present. However Jade understood when I told her that what he said was NOT true - I would never say anything as awful as that. I was contemplating ignoring Frank, and deleting him but like the trusting person I am, I forgave him, thinking that he wouldn't do it again, but I was wrong.

On the 16th of August, I got a message from Sally, asking what I had been saying to Frank. Confused, I asked that I hadn't said anything and that I would ask him. She told me NO and then asked again what I had been saying. I was shocked... and confused... so I thought back, and remembered the only conversation I had had with Frank about Sally, since me and Frank hadn't really spoken a lot since July.

I told her that I told him I was upset when Jack hated me, but she was friends with him (she knew I was upset, but didn't really understand why in July), however this was before everything was resolved (Me and Jack made up, and we haven't had any arguments since. I'm not ever going to do anything as horrible as I did to him again.) I don't know exactly what Frank was saying to Sally, but what he did say upset her greatly.

[16/08/2010 18:05:53] Sally: ffs so now im the bad guy
[16/08/2010 18:06:06] Sally: i didnt "steal your friend"

I told her that all I told him was that I was upset because I felt left out.

[16/08/2010 18:07:07] Sally: we he obviously got that impression from whatever you were saying

[16/08/2010 18:11:35] Sally: well i just got back, im getting a load of abuse from frank who hates me for some reason and i was just trying to figure out what ive done
[16/08/2010 18:11:44] Sally: but thanks. just bitch about me to all your little friends

Frank had been saying horrible things about her and Jack. She thinks that he "got the impression" that she's the "bad guy" from "whatever I was saying"

Basicly, she thinks that I had been 'bitching' about her, and saying horrible things behind her back. I would NEVER do this to my best friend.

Finally, Frank had the cheek to say he "thinks they're faggots", and then he sent.

[16/08/2010 18:24:46] Frank: np >trollface.jpg
[16/08/2010 18:25:01] Frank: OH DRAMA

Which gives me reason to assume that he was trolling me, or causing freaking drama on purpose to stir things up because he knew that Sally was my best friend, but there was tension between me, her and Jack. I have never done anything to Frank that caused him to do this to me.

Another fact to back this up, is that if he were a real friend, and I had been making Sally out to be this 'bad guy' and such a 'horrible' person, he wouldn't have had a sudden urge to bring this up in MID-AUGUST, when I told him I was upset in the start of July.

Sally, now hates me, and I don't think that she ever wants to speak to me again.

[16/08/2010 18:13:53] Sally: its not the point that hes bringing it up now its the point that hes having a go at me cause of whatever you said
[16/08/2010 18:14:18] Sally: i didnt think you if all people, one of my closest friends would actually do that to me and i dont even get what i did wrong

I've told her my case, and she's ignored me. It seems to me that she doesn't want to consider that I've done nothing wrong. The thing that pains me the most, was that it was so easy for her to assume that what Frank had been telling her was the solid truth, and what he was saying was coming straight from my mouth.

I don't know what to do. If I try and speak to her, I just know that I'd end up making things worse. I know that whatever I say she'll just dismiss as excuses or lies. I don't know how to explain my case, I don't know what to do to get her to realise that she's my best friend, and I would never speak bad about her, or lie to her. Of course I've blocked Frank, and after this thing is resolved I will be deleting him. I've explained my case to Jack - he seems to understand me, but he hasn't even made one attempt at trying to get Sally to speak to me. maybe I shouldn't expect that of someone.

It seems that Sally is being a bit of a hypocrite here, as before I got a chance to explain my case to Jack, he told me that he was "upset with me", and that Sally had been "in tears".

So, does that mean Sally is allowed to tell someone that she's upset, and discuss the people involved, however I am not?

I feel empty and depressed thinking that someone like Frank would do this to me, and that Sally believes and hates me for something that Frank blew up on purpose to create drama.

I just don't know what to do... I don't even know what to think...

"A boat is safest in the harbour, but that's not what a boat is for."

Last edited by PSY; September 2nd 2010 at 02:41 AM. Reason: Removed prefix, per the OP's request.
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Re: A misunderstanding... - August 31st 2010, 12:51 AM

That sounds like a really tough place to be in. Try giving her a little time to cool off, then approach her again. Try telling her that Frank was purposely creating drama, and try to appeal to her in a way you think might work best (For instance, ask what you can do to make it better, etc). Good luck!

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the [mome raths] outgrabe.
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Re: A misunderstanding... - August 31st 2010, 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by Conflicting♦Knowledge View Post
That sounds like a really tough place to be in. Try giving her a little time to cool off, then approach her again. Try telling her that Frank was purposely creating drama, and try to appeal to her in a way you think might work best (For instance, ask what you can do to make it better, etc). Good luck!
I did try explaining to her that he was purposely creating drama, but this was on the day that this whole mess started, so of course I was ignored and blocked. However I've been seening her online on skype occasionally... I don't know if that means she wants me to speak first?

Maybe I should just ask her what more I can do to make her beleive that I didn't really do anything wrong :S

In her eyes I think that she sees me discussing her on a negative subject/situation (E.g. when I was saying I was upset to Frank) as 'bitching' about her, which of course is not bitching at all, but it just annoys me because she did exactly that when this whole thing happened >< (Telling Jack about me...)

Thank you, Conflicting♦Knowledge, for replying though... I'm thinking of taking your advice when I next see her online, but I'm just terrified of making this situation worse than what it already is, and ruining 8 years of friendship over this stupid boy... she isn't exactly a forgiving person, and I don't think she's ever apologied to me, unless I did first

"A boat is safest in the harbour, but that's not what a boat is for."

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Re: A misunderstanding... - September 2nd 2010, 02:50 AM

It sounds like you'll have to suck up to her and apologize first. Don't make excuses for yourself... just say that you're truly sorry for not talking to her about how you felt, and that you shouldn't have gotten a third party (aka Frank) involved. If she forgives you, wait a few days before saying something else, like "The only reason why I confided in Frank was because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry once again that things turned out the way they did, and thank you for forgiving me."

To be honest, though, it sounds like you've chosen a rather unhealthy group of friends to associate with. One is severely depressed/suicidal, one is unforgiving, and the other causes drama. Are ALL of your friends like this? If so, I sincerely hope you'll learn from this experience and start to look for new friends. Pick up a new hobby or join a club, and get to know the people there. That way, if things come tumbling down again, you can break off your friendship and have other people to turn to.

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