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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Samantha2345 Offline
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My brother and me - August 30th 2010, 08:16 AM

My brother is 19 almost 20 and I am 18. And we are still fighting like cats and dogs. And it usally get violent. We got into a fight today over the TV.

I was watching a movie and he came into the room telling me to get off the TV. I told him I would after my movie, he said no and then went into the kitchen. I asked why and he said because I ate another turkey hot dog. I only ate two of them tonight. Anyways I said No, I would finish watching the movie and then he could watch. He flipped went to go get my mom. He didn't. It totally got worse from there. I then went to go see my mom and let her know they the two of us were fighting. She was asleep and once she's asleep its kinda hard to wake her up.

When I came back he had my laptop, I told him to give it back and he didn't. I grabbed it from him and then he pushed me. I then grabbed my cell phone and told him i was going to call the police as he is not allowed to touch me. This isn't the first time he has hit me. He threw something at me a few months ago. He has slaped me, he has punched me and he has pushed me.

Anyways, I am outside and I didn't call the police, I only said this to make him back off. I come back and he's pissed and telling me he's going to break my TV and everything that I own. I run to my room and he trys to open the door and he does. I push him out and I start to cry. He tells me to be quiet. And I tell him to go away and if he had just let me watch my movie none of this would have happened. He walks away. I go back to the living room for my charger and he's sitting there. I go to grab it and he grabs onto it. We fight for it and I fall onto him. He then goes to say something about my weight and I grabed the charger from him and run to my room.

When I get to my door, I take the posters off as I cry. I felt( and still feel) that it is better for me to do it then him. and I go into my room. I put my desk chair up agaist the door along with my desk so he can't get in. And that is where I am now.

I am done withthe fighting and its not fair to my parents. I am off to university in January, but I am not sure how much more I can handle. I am not sure if I should leave or should I tell my parents he touched me again and let them deal with him or should I get a peace bond or a restraining order.
   
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Re: My brother and me - August 31st 2010, 12:54 AM

Abusive relationships are extremely serious. If your brother is hurting you, you should not be in that situation. The next time he tries to hit you, I suggest you either call the police immediately or have a little bag packed and maybe go to a friend's house for the night.


’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
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All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the [mome raths] outgrabe.
   
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Re: My brother and me - August 31st 2010, 10:30 AM

I would tell your parents about this or ask a friend's if you can stay the night. Don't just bolt off, make it seem like it's just friends otherwise it will cause a much bigger problem for you if you just bolt off to a friend's house. I wouldn't call the police simply because you'll be at university soon and although nobody should have to experience this sort of violence, you won't be at the house for much longer. It will take a good amount of time before something like a restraining order is filed and even if it is, if you are still living at home, then either he goes elsewhere or you go elsewhere. Either way, it'll cause chaos for your parents.

I'd also recommend if you return to the house from a friend's, try to bring along some male friends. If he gets angry, chances are he's not going to fight as he has a higher chance of getting his face kicked in. It can show some boundaries that if he hurts you, then not only can you call the police or parents, but you have people readily available to beat his face black and blue until the next morning. I'm not saying that sending out some strong male friends out to barge through his door and kick the snot out of him is a good idea, but the fear that when you come home, you have male friends capable of doing this would make him back off.

An alternative is for you to learn to defend yourself better, whether it be taking self-defense classes or buying things like a taser or pepper spray. I do know that many females do take self-defense classes often for reasons of someone abuses them.

I sometimes help with my sensei in teaching them as it's not simply learning to hit back but also quick techniques such as joint locks where power doesn't matter and it will make him stop otherwise more pain and more damage he gets. Eventually, you learn to defend against armed opponents and to properly use things like knives yourself if you ever need to (as the average knife-wielding bandit has no clue how to properly use a knife).

I've used a few of these moves on people and you don't even need to throw a single strike or take them to the ground, just a certain block and twist hurts like hell and does some pretty nasty damage if they resist. It also brings them usually in a good position for a solid knee, kick or punch if you need to throw one. I don't suggest brawling with your brother but at least you can prevent him from hitting you and hopefully that makes him less likely to get so angry.


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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: My brother and me - September 3rd 2010, 02:06 AM

I say stay out of his way and if he begins to hurt you then tell your parents, cause it seems he just doesn't care. And if things get particularly bad and you need some extra help then call the police(only if there is need to).


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Re: My brother and me - September 3rd 2010, 02:41 AM

Siblings fight sad to say but its normal. I would not class that as abuse like others have posted. This is something you just got to grow out of. Don't feed him any attention, say no you can't have the Tv if he takes it from you then leave and take your laptop to your room, and talk with your parents in the morning.

You've got to grow up and look down on him like a child. He'll soon realize that your stepping up to the plate to be the bigger man if you will and you'll see his attitude change. Just remember what goes around comes around, so when he asks for something - you won't be there to help up until you feel you've even the score. I've got two brothers, I was by far they most like your brother in the sense that I'd do anything to get a rise out of them. finally my older brother just grew out of it. Takes 2 people to fight, he didn't give me the time of day anymore after a while it just got old. He'd go talk on the phone watch another Tv whatever else he wanted to do.


However: That does not mean you let him walk all over you. Pick your battles when and where you feel you've got the upper hand on him. This isn't far and you have to put in the most effort however life isn't far and he's not the one complaining about it so you've got to make the change you're self.

I'd strongly suggest Not calling the police on your brother. He's your own blood not to mention you haven't ran out of options yet, nor do I think he really was abusive to you in the sense that the court of law would class as abuse. Don't bother talking to him because he won't listen if anything speak with your parents and just move on. Crying over this isn't something you should be doing.


Now I've got a feeling this isn't what you want to hear although I'm just being realistic. I really hope your brother grows up so you have less stress in your life but all good things take time.

Last edited by Ryan1; September 3rd 2010 at 02:51 AM.
   
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