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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
M... Offline
I refuse to give up. I think.
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Name: Emily
Age: 25
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Join Date: January 5th 2009

It feels like he's let go... - February 18th 2009, 03:01 AM

Hey guys,
I don't know if this goes here or what, move it if you want. It feel like he's let go... When I say he, I don't mean a boyfriend, I don't mean a best friend, I don't mean a Friend, I mean my father. I'm such a screw up. Like, okay, I failed biology, not on purpose, I just let it slip, and, instead of hitting me, like normal, or lashing out, screaming at me, then things going back to normal, him caring, going back to it all being okay (which I WISH with all my heart would happen, I pray that would happen I don't care if it's just gonna happen now and be like every other time I just like uggg), instead of any of that, he said a few things to me, and since then, nothing, like theres normal conversation, and all of this other stuff, but it feels like he doesn't love me anymore, when I go down for hugs before bed, it's me hugging him, not both of us hugging each other. I'm doing exactly what my brother did, not applying myself, and I told my self, that I would NEVER do what he did, he ended up barely passing high school, moving out his Senior year, only getting in to one college then flunking out, and going into the navy, he didn't talk to us for two years, at least, and he cause so much pain, and I feel like I've already started that path and, I don't feel like there's any care or affection left from him to me. When he talks to me, he sounds pissed all the time, and like, there isn't any real happiness left in this house, it's all fake. And I'm the cause of it all.I don't know what to do. I mean the only action I've taken so far is sitting here crying trying to battle SI, crying and trying to figure out what to do. I mean, what do you do, when it feels like your father doesn't love or care about you anymore? Please, help if you can I don't know what to do, I don't know how to fix this, I can't do this anymore, pretending everything is okay, when I know full well, that nothing is okay, that there are nights where I lock myself in the bathroom cut, cry, end up not eating for thirty-six hours at a time, crying when I'm alone and don't have to see someone, having to put on a sweat shirt every time I go down stairs, knowing my father doesn't love me anymore, knowing it because I can feel it in his hugs, they aren't hugs they're just him sitting there letting my wrap my arms around him and let go, nothing more. I'm tired of pretending none of that exists. Please, what do I do?


Rest In peace Monica, I miss you 1-3-10
I owe you my life, more than once over. And the only thing I can do, is 'Thank you.'
I last self harmed on June 9, 2009.

I'm always here. For anyone, who needs anything. No matter what.
~Emily~

Last edited by Strider; February 19th 2009 at 02:13 AM. Reason: Labeling as triggering
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Algernon Offline
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Re: It feels like he's let go... - February 18th 2009, 03:12 AM

Hey Emily,

I actually do know how you feel in this case, when I was young, my dad moved out of the house completely and walked out of my life. There are times when you feel he doesn't love you, or you're just a pain in his side that can't do anything right.

There's a possibility your father sees his children as ways of living the life he never had. I was in karate and my father would push me to do over and above when I was already doing really well. I felt like he was living his glory through me. You might see him being so happy with your other sibling doing so well because he sees his past dreams coming alive. On the other hand, you don't believe you're doing well. And hey, just because you didn't pass one biology class, that doesn't make you a bad or unsuccessful person. I failed math several times, and I still graduated early. You'll be fine.

If he doesn't hug you back, you look at him and say, "Why don't you hug me back." And doing this in front of the family will bring attention to the rest of the household. People will start wondering and he'll have to tell you what's going on.

If nothing changes, he's not being the father he should. The love of a father should be unconditional. I still believe my father will never be 100% approved with me, and I accept it. If you're doesn't accept you, life goes o
n.


Geek? Nerd? More like intellectual badass.

"You ran through Africa, and Asia, and Indonesia.. And now I've found you, and I love you. I want to know your name."
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
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Re: It feels like he's let go... - February 18th 2009, 03:15 AM

Oh, Emily, Im so sorry to hear this. Parent things like this really get to me.

I would talk to him, apologize for the biology grade, and really work to get it back up. But really, the class isnt even the important thing. Im sorry your brother has caused you guys so much pain. Tell your father that that is the last thing you want to do to him, that you love him.

And, hon, its okay to let it all out, because this is a painful thing to go through. But please dont let it take hold of you for so long at a time, its not healthy. Let it out...and then wipe away the tears. Push away the pain and step forward. Keep going because I know you can.


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
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Re: It feels like he's let go... - February 19th 2009, 02:12 AM

Hi there Emily,
I labeled your thread as triggering because some users may find it to be so.

These situations are really hard and I understand where you're coming from when you're feeling this way. Just know that it's not your fault. Not doing well in biology should not affect your dad's feelings for you. He should love you no matter what. If it concerns him this much, then it's something he needs to sort out himself. You can help him with this by continuing to show that you love him and care about him.

I think you should probably talk to him about this. Discuss the class with him. Maybe it would help him understand more why you weren't doing so well. You could ask him if he would be able to help you or tell him that you'll let him know when you don't understand something. Help him to get a little more involved in what you're doing and he'll get closer.

It's not fair for him to judge like this, but the best way to fix it is to get him involved more. It's up to him to figure out that you are you and not your brother. Sometimes parents need a little nudge.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. If you want to talk some more, please send me a PM.

Nat.


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The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
Everyone has a story. What's yours?
   
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