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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Courtney
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I'm really annoyed at my friend. - September 15th 2010, 08:17 PM

She lives with me and my family. Anyways here are some of the things that majorly bother me:

- Her college financial aid isn't figured out yet. Without it she can't start classes.Everytime I bring it up she snaps at me. We start classes in 2 weeks. I REALLY think she needs to go into the financial aid office and this time not leave until it is all figured out, shes not going to though. Shed rather just sit on her butt and try not to worry about it. If they don't get it figured out in time she wants to just say screw it and not start classes.

- Right now she has no income. Shes always going on about how she wants her own car SO bad. And how she can't wait until she can get her own place. She has been "looking" for a job. I put looking in quotes because she hasn't really been looking all that hard. Everytime me or someone else in my family suggest a job for her she just shrugs it off. We give her applications to fill out and she just shoves them into a pile never to look at them again. Shes applied a few places, but its not like she continuously puts the effort in to find a job.

- We have 2 saturday college classes. One this saturday and one next saturday. I have been saying for WEEKS that we have these classes. Today my friend asked if I knew we have class this sat. I'm like yeah... shes like well I wanted to make plans this saturday and you didn't tell me we had a class. I just found out when I looked on the college website. I'm postiive that Ive told her this MULTIPAL times. Then she got extrmeamly grumpy "whatever I just am too stupid to listen to you I guess...". So I guess its my job to know when her classes are and such.

We are not going to kick her out or anything, she has no place else to go. I just don't know what to do.
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Re: I'm really annoyed at my friend. - September 15th 2010, 08:23 PM

I don't really think there's much you can do. If she's choosing to be lazy, and not bother with anything, then that's her fault. She needs to find her own motivation to try and get the things that she wants to get. All you can do is suggest things to her, and if she chooses not to listen, then more fool her. It's going to be her loss in the end, and in the future she's going to regret the decisions she made, but that's her fault.

Message me if you wanna speak some more, take care

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Re: I'm really annoyed at my friend. - September 15th 2010, 08:43 PM

I think you and your parents should lay it down plain and simple.
Get a job
Or sort college
Because if you don't we will be forced to evict you.

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Re: I'm really annoyed at my friend. - September 15th 2010, 09:45 PM

Ever heard of "tough love"? Well, that's what your friend needs right now. She doesn't need nagging or coddling... she needs some solid rules and an ultimatum, laid down by you AND the rest of your family. She needs to make progress at college. If that doesn't work out, she needs to make progress with finding work. The progress needs to be VISIBLE. If you see her spending a decent amount of time every day looking for jobs online, filling out applications, leaving for the day so she can talk to academic advisors or stores that are hiring, etc... great! It's really quite simple: you put in the effort, and sooner or later, you'll get somewhere. If she is persistent about getting her financial aid sorted out, it WILL get sorted out. If she applies to 5-10 jobs per day, someone WILL hire her. If she sits on her butt all day, and only makes a half-hearted effort to look for work... then nothing will change.

If you see that nothing has changed over the next two months (that seems like a reasonable deadline to me - it usually takes employers 4-6 weeks to respond to applications, and school will have started by then), then issue an ultimatum - as a family. She will have one more month to get a job, or get out. That doesn't mean you have to abandon her completely... you can talk to mutual friends and see if they'd be willing to offer her a place to stay. You can contact local organizations/charities and see if they'd be willing to offer her a place to stay. You don't have to pack up all her things and kick her out the door at midnight with no place to go... but you DO need to follow through with the ultimatum. Otherwise, she will continue to take advantage of your family's hospitality.

The most important things are to 1) address her as a FAMILY, not as individuals, 2) come up with a clear plan with clear goals, 3) make sure she is aware of this plan and the goals she should be aiming for (write them down and tape them to the front door, if you have to), 4) clearly define the consequences of not meeting the goals after two months, and 5) following through with the consequences after one additional month.

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annoyed, friend

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