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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
natcat Offline
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Please help me :( - September 16th 2010, 04:35 AM

This is going to be very, very, very long. Sorry in advance.

I've had the same bestfriend for 18 years. Since we were in diapers, we were inseparable. We did everything together, struggled together, cried together etc. We drifted apart a bit, as a lot of friends do when they enter high school.

She befriended this girl I've never been fond of, because she likes drama. She thrives on drama in her life - she doesn't function without it. But anyways, that was her choice, and I can't really do anything about it.

But this girl runs with a bad group of people. And I don't mean like a bunch of jerks, but legit bad people. They've been in prison and are now living in a halfway house near where she lives. (I posted a thread about the guys in the relationships forum but anyways)

I am willing to give out second chances. People do change, and people do make mistakes. I went to meet two of them with her .. one who is her 'boyfriend' and his friend. Both were in prison for armed robbery. Anyways, they definitely proved they have not changed .. they went looking for a guy with KNIVES and I completely believe they would have used them if they had found him. Then they started talking about how they were gonna go find them today, but they were going to wear their bullet proof vests and stuff ..

This is what my face looked like the entire time :| .. I just wanted to get out of the car and run. I didn't want to be around these guys anymore. Definitely not something I want to be involved in.

After we dropped them off I talked to my friend about it, and she just kept defending him. Ugh. I'm sorry, but I draw the line at violence. Especially violence with the intent to really injure or pontentially kill them. If you were in jail and you learned your lesson and it was the worst mistake ever .. you wouldn't go back out and do this again.

They've both only been out for 2 or 3 weeks at the most. I would think they'd stilll be on pretty good behaviour, but no .. I'm so scared.

She's already brought him to her house, so he knows where she is. I'm honestly scared for her safety. I don't know what to do, I try to talk reasonably to her but that isn't working. I feel like if she continues with him she's going to get hurt or get involved in something she cant get out of. I don't know who she is anymore and that's what's really scaring me.

I don't want to say anything to anyone .. she'll hate me .. but I think it may be in her best interest in the long run. Maybe she'd appreciate it someday. I can't even believe I'm typing this post.

I'm scared for my safety as well ... they know who I am .. and if I rat them out, they might come after me.

Ugh


It's better to cross the line &
suffer the consequences
than to just stare at the line
for the rest of your life.

   
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Re: Please help me :( - September 16th 2010, 07:41 PM

Hey, Natalie. I remember reading your post in R&D, and YIKES. =/

Unfortunately, I don't know if there's anything else you can do at this point. You've already tried talking to her. You could try talking to her parents and other friends - but like you said, that might cause more trouble, and even get these boys' attention (which you definitely do not want). You could try talking to the police (or the boys' probation officers) and see if they are in violation of their parole by being in possession of knives... but if they AREN'T, and they somehow come to the conclusion that you reported them, that might not end well.

tl;dr - I would wait and see what your friend does. Keep offering her your support, but don't associate with her friends, and don't compromise your values/standards just so the two of you can remain on "good" terms.





   
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Re: Please help me :( - September 16th 2010, 08:30 PM

Robin is giving out the best advice anyone can offer you at this point...stay clear away from these guys! Even you being seen with them...could potentially put you in danger of the law. You may not even realize but the police tend to stay close to dangerous inidviduals that have just been released. If you are in their company, the police may even associate you with them as well.
Continue your ongoing support for your friend...just from a distance!

Be safe! Please, continue posting so we can support you in this!
   
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Re: Please help me :( - September 17th 2010, 12:51 AM

Thank you both <3

And trust me, I am staying far away from these people as possible. I almost don't want to be associated with her at this point. It's definitely not something I want to be involved in, at all.

Oh and btw, I forgot to add .. they assaulted a guy when I was with them - punched him inn the face.. which I would assume is obviously against the terms of their parole conditions. I'm not going to say anything though.

But I'm telling my friend I don't want to hear anything about it, I don't want to know anything about what they do, etc.


It's better to cross the line &
suffer the consequences
than to just stare at the line
for the rest of your life.

   
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Re: Please help me :( - September 22nd 2010, 09:43 PM

Armed robbery isn't really all that bad but I get your point.
They probably won't get very far in life though aha. Especially since the swarmings near the commons and shit you really shouldn't be running around with knives in public because they'll just get all the heat on them if they get caught.
But you really shouldn't rat on them or anything just so it saves any retaliation.
   
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Re: Please help me :( - September 22nd 2010, 10:05 PM

hey nat, umm ive never been in a situaiton like this before but there is something i can tell you....follow your heart, even if it means you might lose your relationship with your friend but at least you know she is safe and maybe someday she will realize you were right and she was wrong. Pray, pray alot, keep telling her what she is doing is wrong, tell her you feel she is in danger and that you really care for her. And DONT GIVE UP ON HER! One day, if things work out, she will thank you so much. Please be safe though, stay away from them as much as possible and dont go and rattle on them yet....i dont think its safe.
   
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Re: Please help me :( - September 24th 2010, 01:32 AM

I feel like armed robbery is kind of a big deal. They both robbed people, just on a street. They threatened to harm this person, or potentially kill them. I would think that those people would be suffering quite a bit after being mugged on a street? They had guns - or I assume because they both served 5 years .. and 4 years is generally the sentence for using a gun during armed robbery.

Anyways, her brother knows. He called me because he felt like something weird was going on and I told him everything. I had to , I can't lie to him and he's like my big brother.

He's telling their parents this weekend, because we've all tried tallking to her again and she won't listen, so I guess this is what it comes to. I know her dad is going to freak out, and she'll get her car taken away and probably be on house arrest forever.


It's better to cross the line &
suffer the consequences
than to just stare at the line
for the rest of your life.

   
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