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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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goldenlock Offline
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Question Won't let me leave - September 16th 2010, 06:36 PM

I currently at Uni and living with my boyfriend. I live 4 hours away from home and moved out nearly three years ago. I normally go home for a weekend once a month to see my parents, and my mum makes a habit to ring me every single day, which started to annoy me.
I came back home to see my parents as my mother said my dad was not very well and it would cheer him up to see me. This was five weeks ago and i cannot stand being home. Its making me have mood swings, i get really angry and want to cry. My boyfriend misses me and my friends plus i want to do things by myself and for myself. Its putting a strain on my relationship. I've been telling my mum i'm going back then we argue and she walks off saying "No your not, give it another week". My dad seems fine to me, he goes out drinking with his friends and i'm stuck at home (my house is in the middle of no where) with my mum knitting. I'm 21 and feel like I'm 14 today.
What can i do?
   
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Re: Won't let me leave - September 16th 2010, 06:43 PM

You just need to tell her that you want to go back. She can't make you stay there. You stayed to cheer your father up and he seems to be fine now. Uni should have started nowish, so you should have to get back to do your work anyway. You just have to put your foot down and tell her your going. She may not like it, but it's not your 'home' anymore, not where you stay, and you need to go back home, where your current life is. She needs to understand.

Take care.



   
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Re: Won't let me leave - September 16th 2010, 07:48 PM

Parents love to guilt trip. That is how your mom is keeping her control on you. You are being held captive AT YOUR OWN WILL-not against it. You decide, you choose-its your life! How does your dad feel about all of this? NO matter what, you have to do what is right for you...not what is right for your mom and to be honest, it doesn't sound fair that she is using your dad's health as her "lure" to keep you home.
Ask yourself...is your relationship worth gambling with? Because it sounds like that is exactly what is happening here. Your boyfriend has been kind and patient but how long do you think he will continue waiting in the wings not knowing when you are coming home???
Do what is best for YOU...your mom holding your captive just isn't fair to you. Tell her how you feel and let her know that she is pushing you away and that you are miserable. Maybe talk to both of them at the same time so they both can hear right from you what this has been doing to you.
I wish you well and let us know how you make out...

   
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Re: Won't let me leave - September 25th 2010, 03:35 PM

Thankyou for your advice.
I told my mother outright how i felt and finally got home to my boyfriend.
My mother is sulking that i left and after a phonecall answered what do you want?
My father rang me for a chat and at the end said it was nice to hear that i'm happy.
   
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