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sarah-jayne--x Offline
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help :| - September 20th 2010, 06:47 AM

i dont know where this goes but here goes im major freaked out to the point i feel sick but yeah i heard my parents having sex last night... i did afew months ago but i just ignored that but really this time it was like they didnt care... it was around midnight and im deffo still up at midnight... i dont know what to say to my mum? i want to say "your sick you do it when your daughters in bed cant you wait until im out" isnt this like disrespect to me? i could not sleep at all last night i think there the reason im scared to sleep at night im out tonight and before i walk out i want to say "do you respect me? you think its fine to do it when your daughters in bed" then of course walk out.... then not answer my phone all night because then the message would get through to her that its upseting me and all. im thinking of moving out after what happened hope you can help thanks
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Re: help :| - September 20th 2010, 09:35 AM

Hey Sarah, it's clear that you've been affected by what you heard and I think that's quite understandable. I felt uncomfortable the first time I heard my mum having sex and to be honest I still do. I talked to my mum though and explained how I felt. We talked, her saying how it was natural and that she didn't understand why I was so bothered by it. I explained that it wasn't the fact that they were having sex that bothered me but that I was in the next room and my bed is on the same wall. It was strange talking to her about it to start with but I'm glad that I did because if anything it got it out of my system. Perhaps it would help if you were to talk to your mum because she might not know how you feel and how much this affects you.
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Re: help :| - September 20th 2010, 10:10 AM

Sarah, I think it's a little bit harsh for you to say that your parents are being disrespectful just because they have sex with you in the house. They are not "sick" for having sex; sex is natural. And truthfully, they've probably been having sex for the past 17 years without you noticing. Parents can't wait for their kids to not be in the house because kids under the age of about 14 are probably in the house almost all of the time. They wouldn't be able to have sex at all. And that's not really fair on them.

And I think it would be very childish to say something rude to your mother and then walk out on her. If you think them having sex is disrespectful, how is it respectful to say nasty things to them? A much better option would be to write your mother a letter explaining how you feel and to give it to her. If you feel comfortable enough to discuss it, that would be even better.

What I think is more important though is for you to think about whether your attitudes towards your parents have sex are fair and reasonable. For example, you say that you think your parents don't care about you because they were having sex. But I highly doubt that. People have sex because they love each other, not because they don't love their children. In fact, they probably have absolutely no idea that you could hear them. Also, this may be rude, but you live in your parents' house. And they are entitled to use their house how they wish. If you don't want them to do that, then yes, moving out is an option. But maybe you should try and work with your parents first and sort something out. I'm sure they'll be reasonable when you explain that you are upset.

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Re: help :| - September 20th 2010, 10:11 AM

im going to talk to her about this tonight i know its normal and all but im right next to her bedroom aswel its not nice they should at least respect that im in the house at the time... i used to sleep at my ex's alot because i was scared of sleeping but i havent got anyone to run to anymore :\
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Re: help :| - September 20th 2010, 02:30 PM


I defintely think that talking to your mom would be a good idea. Let them know how uncomfortable it made you feel. I doubt that they were trying to disrespect you either. I am sure they thought you were asleep or something.

Hun, I would have to agree that your parents have probably been having sex the past 17 years maybe now that you are older they don't keep it as much of a secret. Either way talk to your mom and let her know how uncomfortable you felt. While they probably won't change their habit maybe talking about it will open your eyes to the fact that it is normal.

As for the part about sleeping at your ex's why don't you go to your parents when you are afraid? I am sure they would be more then willing to support you. Parents, usually, want to help their children so if you told your mom and dad that you were having trouble sleeping I am sure they would want to help you through that.

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Re: help :| - September 20th 2010, 04:38 PM

I think it's wise that you'll speak to your mother about what has happened. Just let her know that you're uncomfortable with being in the house while she's having sex, and you'd prefer it if she waited until you were out. But you can't make it sound nasty, because it's her house, and she can do what she would like. But just ask her to take your feelings into consideration.

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Re: help :| - September 20th 2010, 06:16 PM

Hi Sarah
Its great that you feel that you can talk to your mother about this. Its important that she knows how you feel about it.

As other posters have said, I'm sure they werent trying to disrespect you. At the end of the day, it is their house...But I can see why you feel uncomfortable.

I hope you get something sorted
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Re: help :| - September 20th 2010, 08:39 PM

Sex is a natural thing. You're 17 years old, do you think you could be a little more understanding of them? The same way you need/want a sex life, so do they, and you and your parents are both entitled to do so. I don't think it was disrespectful of them, though I do agree they could be a little more quiet. I think if you brought it up with your parents, they would be a lot more embarrassed than you would be. But if you do, say something not too obvious. Rather than "Keep it down while you have sex!" Try something like, "Do you think you guys can be a little more quiet in the middle of the night?" They'll know exactly what you're talking about and you probably won't hear it again.
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Re: help :| - September 21st 2010, 04:33 PM

i know i live in the house and im moving out... because ive had enough of my mum really it doesnt sound harsh but for more than 17years shes been childminding and always puts the kids first and buys them expensive stuff... (She has pushed my brother away by doing this aswel) and i havent had chance to talk to her yet but they always know im up at midnightish... i think ill talk to my brother first before i talk to mother because i hardly talk to my dad thanks for the advise though... ill keep people updated and if theres anymore advise fire away please
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Re: help :| - September 22nd 2010, 10:06 AM

I'm cool with my parents having sex

It's a natural thing. As long as I don't see it I'm cool.

They needed to have sex to have me didn't they?
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Re: help :| - September 22nd 2010, 12:40 PM

O.o you kind of wouldn't be here if you parents didn't have sex, it's perfectly natural for them to do it x.x If anything it's more disrespectful for you to tell them it offends you, after all I'm guessing you live in their house? O.o
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Re: help :| - September 23rd 2010, 12:53 PM

My parents still have sex, their room is upstairs.
I mentioned to my Dad that sometimes it's a bit 'noisy' up there he kinda said he'd 'look into it' and it hasn't been as bad.

I'm pretty fine with it, it is a little awkward in the same way that having a roommate or someone you're living with having sex in the next room is awkward.

It's not exactly disrespectful for them to be doing it but if you explain to them that it makes you uncomfortable, they could do something about the noise.

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Re: help :| - September 23rd 2010, 11:41 PM

I would ask your mom to keep the volume down from now on... but it would be incredibly rude of you to ask her to not have sex until you go to sleep. I don't know what your mom's schedule is like, but if she has to wake up in the morning for work or other activities, she can't really afford to wait until AFTER midnight to have sex. What if you didn't go to bed until 2 AM? Would you ask her to wait until 2:30 AM before having sex? Would you ask her to have sex in the middle of the day, when you're not around? Sorry, but the only thing you really have a right to ask for is that she keep it down, so you won't hear her in the other room. You can't ask her to only have sex at certain times of the day/night.

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