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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Shattered_Girl Offline
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Name: Barbara
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Angry So Annoyed >:( - September 23rd 2010, 06:11 AM

All my family ever does is remind me of my faults, and they never stop. I'm 19 and I don't have a driver's license. I know. I'm stupid. I don't even have a permit, and it's all my dad ever talks about with me. All our conversations lead to the fact that I can't drive. The truth is, I'm scared. Also, I decided to take a year off before I start college, but everyone treats me like a loser for it. No one in my family listens to me. My brothers always talk about themselves, so I never get a chance to speak about my interests. But I guess it's not like it really matters. They don't give a crap about fashion, which is what I'm really into. I'm so different from them, and I really hate it. I wish I had a family that gave a crap about me.


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Re: So Annoyed >:( - September 23rd 2010, 08:24 AM

Hey Barbara-

I'm so sorry you feel this way in your own home. I feel like home is where we're supposed to get our self-esteem and a sense of worth, and it's horrible when you're not getting that.

While you're not receiving the help you need from your family, my first suggestion is to look elsewhere for what you need emotionally. What is it you're seeking from your family emotionally and where else can you get it? For example, maybe joining some sort of fashion group, volunteering something with fashion, or even getting a job at a clothing store or something may help you meet other people who enjoy talking to you about your interests. Go out and meet new people who make you feel better about yourself, because just with your insight and the way you're asking for help about this shows you're a good thoughtful person.

Another suggestion would be to simply sit down with your family and calmly tell them how it makes you feel when they act like this. Don't try to accuse them or make them feel bad, use "I feel" statements. If you've never heard of them, it's just where you make a statement starting with "I feel", such as "I feel like whenever we talk you bring up about me driving and it really hurts my feelings." Or however it makes you feel.

Last, I really want to tell you, being 19 and not having your license, taking a year off, all that, does NOT make you a loser at all. It's ridiculous that people think that and make it obvious to you. Do what makes you happy in life, and don't worry about other people. You'll go on with your life as you please, the way you want, in the time you want. Tell people that.

I hope things get better with your family.
Maria.



The best wayout is always through~
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Re: So Annoyed >:( - September 25th 2010, 03:58 AM

I don't think talking to them will help. When I tried to go to them for help for my mental issues( which I still struggle with), they yelled at me. They also yelled at me after my suicide attempt.


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Re: So Annoyed >:( - September 25th 2010, 04:44 AM

You shouldn't have to apologize for not having a driver's license or taking a year off before college. Just because you aren't conforming to the American standard and rushing into life doesn't make you a loser...it shows that you are an independent thinker and that you are truly in charge of your own life.

You are kind of in a tricky situation because you are old enough to technically separate from your critical family but not old enough to truly be separate, since you are going to be undergoing many changes in your life which require their support (or at least their money). So whether you like it or not, you are going to have to try to find some common ground with them. Kill them with kindness, and eventually they will reciprocate it (only if you make sure that you are the bigger person and be extra open and accepting to their ideas). If you honestly feel like this is not possible, you will have to start from scratch. But with a strong enough will I am sure it is possible.

And as Gidig suggested, get involved in the community. That is less time with your family and more time doing what you love: fashion. I really hope things work out...PM me if you'd like.


"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

   
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Re: So Annoyed >:( - September 25th 2010, 11:02 PM

I live in a really tiny community with zero job opportunity. It sucks here.
I feel terrible for saying this, but I think I'm starting to not love my family anymore. I wonder if this is a result of my deep depression?


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