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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Chels Offline
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Fed up with "friend" taking advantage - October 2nd 2010, 04:41 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

First of all, this may fit better in the suicide/depression category but I'm honestly worried I'd offend too many people there. But move if you see fit.

I have a sort of non-friend... she used to by my friend but I got sick of her BS and let her disappear for a bit but she she was quite close with my boyfriend and unfortunately clawed her way back into my life since he and I started dating.

Here's a little background on her: she's had "issues" with depression, she sees a therapist and to the best of my knowledge is on anti-depressants (or at least she used to be. She has a shitty home life to say the least.

Now, those are the facts and I want to be VERY clear I do not devalue them because I get that her life is tough but she's the kind of person that fabricates. She needs attention and she uses her crappy life to get it. I've known and helped and been torn up over people dealing with depression. I know it's tough but this girl is ridiculous. It's like it's a game to her to see how many people she can manipulate.

I knew she was like that when I first met her, she finds people who will listen to her bitch and she latches on, for a while it on to me but I've been there, done that, had enough so I didn't let it go to far. My boyfriend on the other hand is such a good guy. He tries to see the best in everyone and as a result he became her rock. Just the person she was looking for to lean on. And now he can't call her on her CRAP cuz he's afraid she'll kill herself! And honestly I am SO sick of her manipulating people with her depression and threats of suicide!

Maybe I'm an awful person (do you think I am??) but I DON'T CARE!!! She's like the boy who cried wolf. She pushes people enough that they are ready to walk so she pulls the suicide card. And that is unacceptable cuz there are actually people who are suicidal and WANT to help themselves! and people who are just doing it for attention are just taking away from the people that REALLY need that attention. Also, because she threatens it so much I really don't think she'd do it. I don't. And I can't tell you how tempted I am to just say GO AHEAD (i know that sounds horrid) But, God, you hear about these kids killing themselves because of bullying and it's heartbreaking because they weren't desperately trying to keep friends they just felt trapped. And that is the bullies fault. I get that. But if a person (like my boyfriend) says "you have taken advantage of me long enough and I'm done", I don't think he's responsible if she does something rash. I don't. He would think so. He'd blame himself. But I don't see how that could be his fault. What do you think? Why should we walk on eggshells for her when she has no regard for us? Should I be afraid to tell her off? I mean honestly, by her logic it would never be morally right to get mad at anyone out of fear they'd go kill them self.

Don't get me wrong IF she did it, I would feel like the most evil person in the world. But the fear of her doing it shouldn't be the only reason she has friends. That's sick. And what I don't get is how she can be so fucked up that she'd rather have people she's guilt tripped into being her friend than, say, cut the sob story crap and make herself someone people can stand!

I REALLY needed to vent about that. Sorry it was long. I do feel horrible for basically saying I've stopped caring if she kills herself but I also don't think it's fair for people to burden themselves with a one sided, angry friendship just because she's being immature. And to me that's what she is. I've SEEN depressed, I've SEEN suicidal. SHE is just IMMATURE and she needs to grow the hell up! UGH!

Feedback is much appreciated.
   
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re: Fed up with "friend" taking advantage - October 4th 2010, 08:30 AM

It's crazy how much I could relate to this.. theres a girl in my school who's exactly the same, she's not really my friend but I walk home with her and stuff. Every day she comes to school with a different story about being abused, drunk, bullied etc, and she tells literally everybody.

If I were you.. I'd give her time to grow out of this. Stay friends with her, but casually brush of the conversation when it comes to her 'depression'. Do fun things, have sleepovers, try and cheer her up and take her mind of things, and if that doesn't work, get help from a teacher or mentor, etc.

sorry, my advice sucks.
   
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re: Fed up with "friend" taking advantage - October 4th 2010, 08:40 AM

It sounds like it's your boyfriends problem, not yours, so it would probably be best not to persuade him to stop talking to one of his friends, it'd just cause problems in your relationship.
You on the other hand should just ignore her. Best you can do.
   
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re: Fed up with "friend" taking advantage - October 6th 2010, 04:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by doomcookie View Post
It's crazy how much I could relate to this.. theres a girl in my school who's exactly the same, she's not really my friend but I walk home with her and stuff. Every day she comes to school with a different story about being abused, drunk, bullied etc, and she tells literally everybody.

If I were you.. I'd give her time to grow out of this. Stay friends with her, but casually brush of the conversation when it comes to her 'depression'. Do fun things, have sleepovers, try and cheer her up and take her mind of things, and if that doesn't work, get help from a teacher or mentor, etc.

sorry, my advice sucks.
No, that's good advice. I agree with you.
   
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re: Fed up with "friend" taking advantage - October 6th 2010, 02:42 PM

This can be a really difficult situation to be in. You want to care, but you feel like you're being taken advantage of. It's understandable that you just want to tell her to leave you alone and 'get over it'. But of course, that could be seen as heartless and distasteful.

I think the advise said above could be really helpful for you. Just try to ignore her the best that you can, and if this is brought up in a conversation, try to ignore it and brush it off. Talk more positive around her, and try to help her as best as you can. As for her clinging to your boyfriend, it is his problem. And unless he tells her to back off a bit himself, he's going to have to suffer with it. He needs to stand his ground and let her know that she can't latch on to him so much. That he would be there for her if she needed him, but she can't take over her life.

You just need to let her know how you feel, that you can't be her 'everything', but you'll be there for her in she needs you for a real reason. Just be strong and speak to your boyfriend about this too. Let him know what the situation is, and how you should both deal with it.

Take care.



   
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re: Fed up with "friend" taking advantage - October 8th 2010, 01:24 AM

Jesssh I've been here too.

Tbh I just ignored her when she was like that, and focussed more on the good stuff.

It annoys me when people "Play" on it like its a game. I'd speak to your boyfreind about it, and get him to edge away from her, so he has space she has space, so she knows she doesnt need him all the time..
It's a bit hard when you think your sure they are really depressed and may kill themselves, but you want to walk away or yell at them, but then you feel bad if something happens.

Distance yourselves. You and boyfreind from her.
Suggest help for her.





   
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