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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BabyIndia Offline
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Question Half sister.. - October 8th 2010, 01:10 AM

So to cut a long story short, my dad got a girlfriend pregnant way before he met my mam.

He tryed his hardest to be a father but his girlfreind wouldn't have it.

He went on married my mother, and fathered three more children.

I've always known about her.

She got in contact a few months ago through a freind.
But she turned nasty when I said she looked like my dad.

I left it until now. I get a message off my little sister saying she's meeting up with her, and i should give my half sister a chance because life is too short.

In one breath I want to meet her and I know I should but In another breath I don't really know what to do. It's like shes trying to mess things up. She's going to my real sisters on saturday, and I've been asked to go along..

My dad isn't happy because she never acted like she was his daughter and now she's trying to get into his life again..

He had to find out from one of my school freinds that she was engaged and has three kids.

All I know is she's 25 lives with her partner and her children..

do I want to know more..

What do I ask her?

She's added me as a freind on facebook, I sent her a message saying basically we got off on the wrong foot, and im only messaging her because im looking out for my sister, and i hope her only intention is to get to know her.

But argh I seriusly do not know what to do..

I'm supported in what ever i choose...





   
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Re: Half sister.. - October 8th 2010, 01:17 AM

Hey there deary, I don't think I fully understand the whole story. I understand that she never really made the attempt to be a daughter to your father, but at the same time...she couldn't be a daughter when her mother is keeping your dad away from her. She probably doesn't know how to act around your dad or around you and your sisters.

You seeing her could be a very good thing, it's an opportunity to get to know your blood. If things go wrong you get the satisfaction of knowing you tried and things went a little wrong.

It also will be good for you to go because you can look out for your sister. Maybe just try and give it a chance. No one is asking you to share deep dark secrets and become best friends.

I hope I helped in some way, or if I was on the right track.


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Re: Half sister.. - October 8th 2010, 01:27 AM

I just don't know what to do.
She's always been weird on the internet with me, but then her and my little sister get all pally, i hate it because she's never been there and thinks she can just walk back into our lives and she can't.

My dad told me after he and his girlfreind spilt up a few years went past and his first born visited him and us, but then it stopped and we dont know why..





   
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Re: Half sister.. - October 8th 2010, 01:31 AM

Oo yeah, that is a tough situation.

Maybe on facebook, write her a message telling her how you feel about meeting up with her, and her just waltzing back into your life. Be completely honest. She might just be wanting to make amends.


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Re: Half sister.. - October 8th 2010, 01:33 AM

I'm not sure I want her to. She's never been in my life doesn't know anything, she cant just choose to come back in. Imma sleep on it I think and go from there, thanks





   
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Re: Half sister.. - October 8th 2010, 01:36 AM

Good luck


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Re: Half sister.. - October 8th 2010, 02:42 AM

Honestly, I think it's a little bit judgmental for you to assume that she is trying to ruin things for your family. It could be that she honestly wants to get to know you and your sister.

You say that her mother wouldn't let your dad be a father to her child. If that's true, it's also probable that she told her daughter a lot of nasty things about your dad. Maybe that he abandoned them for your mother? It wouldn't be the first time a child has been told lies about one of her parents. Maybe she has only just discovered that her mother lied to her and she wants to get to know your family? There are any number of reasons that she might want to be involved with your family now, and very few of them are sinister.

She was just a little girl when your dad and her mum split up. She didn't choose not to see your dad, her mother chose that for her. She didn't choose not to be a part of your life, her mother chose that for her as well. I get that you are saying that she can't just choose to come back in, but look at it from her position. She wants to get to know the family that she never got the chance to know. How else is she supposed to do it?

And I know you said that she is weird on the internet, but if she has been brought up hating your father, it probably would be quite offensive to her to be told that she looks like him. Plus if you told her "I hope your only intention is to get to know her", she was probably offended by that as well. I know if someone said that to me, I wouldn't be very inclined to be nice to them afterwards.

You don't have to get to know her if you don't want to. But your sister obviously does and maybe it would be worth it to support your sister's choice at least?



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Re: Half sister.. - October 8th 2010, 03:03 AM

Are you sure you aren't just a little afraid? If I were you I'd kind of be blown away that I have a half-sister out there somewhere. You have another sister, you should try and get to know her. You don't really know what she's been hearing from her mom, maybe she feels the same way you do.

Just as an example... I have a half-sister. She looks just like me but has long blonde hair. She's 10 and doesn't know who her father is because my mom won't tell her. I bet should would love to know she has more family out there.


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