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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Just say it to my face. - October 8th 2010, 08:36 AM

I can't deal with this.

I am (no, was) in a band. I am a singer. I found out today that they posted an ad online looking for my replacement behind my back. They have given me no explanation, no indication that they had a problem with me. They don't even know that I know about it. I don't know what/when they were planning to tell me. I don't understand. I mean... I can think of things that they could find fault with, it's not like I think I'm perfect and amazing or anything, but they couldn't at least tell me? They couldn't give me a chance to correct it? Or at least just let me know that I'm not what they are looking for. Don't just replace me without telling me.

In case anyone asks, I am 100% sure it was my band that posted the ad. The guitarist put his name, email address, and phone number (all of which I have) so I could cross reference these. I am certain that it was them and they specified that they were looking for lead vocals aka my position.

Music is my whole entire life. It's all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do. I can find another band, but I'm not sure I can trust them to tell me the truth either.

Someone please say something encouraging, even if it's total bullshit. I don't even know what to think anymore.

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Re: Just say it to my face. - October 8th 2010, 08:46 AM

Are you SURE they wanted a replacement, they may be looking to extend the band and were asking for more people. LIke maybe have you and someone else [singing?]

If they were looking for a replacement, they probably haven't asked told you yet in case they can't find a replacement. Like they may be waiting until they know for sure someone can fill your spot before they tell you.
They will have to tell you sometime as they can't just expect you to know never to show up to a practise. When they do tell you they have replaced you, just ask why and if there was anything you could do to keep your place, if they do not want you in the band, you will just have to move on as sucky things like this happen.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Just say it to my face. - October 8th 2010, 08:53 AM

I am positive they were trying to replace me. They ad said " We have drums, guitar, and a bass/keyboard player." No vocalist.

I'm sure you are right about them waiting to tell me until they have found someone else, but it still pisses me off that they don't even bother to tell me that something is wrong.

Whatever I guess. I'm just trying not to do anything stupid that will regret later. Like sending them a rude email or text or something. I'm in that "quit before you get fired" kind of mood right now.

It helps to hear reasonable people telling me reasonable responses because it is 2AM and I am angry and not thinking properly. So thanks.

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Re: Just say it to my face. - October 9th 2010, 07:44 PM

People in a band are meant to have a strong relationship with one another. Have you asked them if there's something they want changed in the lyrics or how they're sung, or possibly even your behaviour? It seems to me, IF they're going to go behind your back to find someone else, there must have been a rather big problem(s) with them and you, something which probably was visible. However, they could be trying to get two vocalists, either one as lead and the other as in the background or both as lead.

One thing that struck me as odd though is they say "bass/keyboard player". The same person doesn't play both and you need bass no matter what, so perhaps the vocalist is to be the keyboard player and some vocals (not necessarily lead).

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Re: Just say it to my face. - October 11th 2010, 04:44 AM

You simply will not know unless you ask them directly. Print it out, show it to them, ask them about it. Do you want to know what's going on or do you just want the uncomfortableness to linger ... and linger ... and linger.
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