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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Miranda. Offline
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I'm finally meeting my dad's side of the family... - October 14th 2010, 04:13 AM

A few days ago, I had a volleyball game, and while we were warming up this strange lady was taking pictures of me..and then I saw her talking to my mom. After the game was over, I found out that she was my aunt, that I've never met.

I only knew 5 people on my dad's side, until now, and my grandma and dad never really told me about them, even when I asked. Now that I met my aunt Stella, we've been e-mailing each other, and she's been telling me the basic stuff about my family. A while back when I asked my grandma about our side of the family, and she said they all lived in southern Idaho..but it turns out they've lived in my area for years, and I haven't met any of them besides my great grandma, and that was years ago..
It has always bugged me not knowing where I came from..and who and where my family was..and now that I'm just getting to meet my great aunt, I'm finding that I have more and more questions every time she emails me..and the main one is..."Why didn't I ever get to meet them..?" and "Why did my grandma and dad lie to me about them..?"
I know that my grandfather was a severe alcoholic, and beat my dad, uncle and aunt, and even my grandma..but he passed away right before I was born...but why would I be kept from the rest of his family? Are they anything like him? Stella didn't seem that way..yet her breathe did smell a little bit like alcohol..but she looked decent..

I know you guys can't answer all of these questions for me, but I feel like somethings being hidden from me, and I don't like it..It just bugs me that I never knew about my family, and that my grandmother lied to me about them..



   
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Re: I'm finally meeting my dad's side of the family... - October 14th 2010, 11:24 PM

Hey there, Miranda!

I haven't had the opportunity to meet many of my family members, either. Part of the reason is because everyone lives so far away from me... but part of the reason is because my dad's side of the family is pretty lame. Some of them have spent time in jail for rape, assault, and theft. Others aren't "bad", per se, but I have plenty of cousins around my age who haven't made good choices, either.

I didn't know many of these family members existed until I was almost an adult, because my dad didn't want me to talk to them. He didn't want me to become associated to ex-cons, and he didn't want me to be negatively influenced by cousins who were close to my age and made bad choices. So while I can understand your frustration, I can also understand why your family members chose to keep the existence of other family members a secret. They may not really be "bad", but your dad may still worry that some of them would be a negative influence. He may worry that the "okay" relatives will accidentally put you in touch with "bad" relatives.

All I can really suggest is that you give this time. You're not going to get all the answers you're looking for right away. Keep sending e-mails out to your extended family, but also think about talking to your dad about the issue. Good luck!





   
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Re: I'm finally meeting my dad's side of the family... - October 15th 2010, 02:13 AM

I didn't meet my dad until I was 17- At that point all I wanted to do was get to know him but I kind of got thrown into the whole loop of the family right away, which was.. awful. It's a long and boring story but the one thing that I learned and learned fast was that there's two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth. The side that has been kept away has the potential to make it sound that your parents were keeping you away for no reason at all, while your parents will say that have every reason and right which would probably mainly be keeping you safe (probably more so emotional than physical). Have you talked to your parents about it? They might have been trying to 'keep you safe' but now that they are becoming more involved with your life, they may have some answers for you.
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Re: I'm finally meeting my dad's side of the family... - October 16th 2010, 04:25 AM

I talked to my mom about it, but she said she tried to get my dad and grandma to keep them in my life..but they kept insisting my great grandmother was crazy and all this stuff..so I guess thats why..but I still feel like they should have told me the truth about them..because I might've understood then and there. But I have no idea whats going on..and what went on. I asked my mom about it and she told me nasty stories about my grandfather..and that only made me feel worse..My mother doesn't consider my feelings at all, so she was kind of just blunt and very gossipy when I asked her about it.



   
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Re: I'm finally meeting my dad's side of the family... - October 16th 2010, 07:58 AM

Your mother must have kept it hidden up to keep you from knowing someone she deemed harmful. If she told you the stories and they happened to be rather vulgar, then you cant honestly complain because you wanted to know them. It may be gossipy because she may have not known of it first-hand but through others who probably did gossip. Keep sending e-mails or better yet, if you can, use Skype so you can learn of it faster and with the emotional knowledge from speech.


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