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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Ritz13 Offline
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Angry Stuck in the Middle - October 22nd 2010, 07:55 PM

So my mom and dad have always hated each other. Before I was even born. They decided to do something about it in Feb 2009. That was when my dad moved out. This year, they've been working on their divorce. It's taking forever and I think both of my parents have already found other people. I'm not really close to them though, so they wouldn't tell me and my siblings if they did.
My mom and everyone else but my sister seems to think I'm taking it well. I'm not. My dad understands this and tries to see me as often as possible. My mom doesn't get it, she talks shit about my dad around me and it's so annoying. I hate my mom. I want to live with my dad, but he doesn't have a big enough place and where he lives is too far away from my school.
Anyways, I'm always hearing about how my dad "stole" the lawyer my mom wanted. It's so frickin' annoying!!! So today, my dad's lawyer's office called. I answered to phone because I was the only one home. The lady told me that she has to ask my dad a question and she wanted to know when he'd be home. I lied, and told her that he was at work and I wasn't sure what time he would get home. This is what my mom told me to tell all my family whenever Dad isn't with us, so it seemed like the most logical thing to do. After I hung up, I called my mom, because I had just gotten home from school and my mom gets pissed if I don't call her.
I told her what happened and she got angry at me for not telling the lady that my dad doesn't live with us. Then she was yelling at me because my dad gave his lawyer our home phone number, which isn't my fault. After she calmed down she claimed she was busy and hung up.
Now I'm sitting her, confiding in the online world. I'm pissed too. I regret picking up the phone. I wish my mom would understand what she's doing to me. Since my parents broke up, I haven't had a single boyfriend, because I stopped believing in love. I don't think anyone loves me, and I don't love anyone. It's all a big fat fucking lie!


"I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
"
-Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day
   
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Re: Stuck in the Middle - October 23rd 2010, 04:54 AM

Hey there, Ritz.

Divorces are hard for everyone, but I believe they're especially hard for the children. Parents can just divide everything and go their separate ways afterward. Children, on the other hand, may have to move, deal with step-parents/siblings, and all sorts of emotional turmoil. I'm truly sorry that you're in this situation.

I know this probably isn't going to be a satisfactory answer for you... but I would talk to your mother about what's going on. Don't attack her, like she attacked you... instead, start off by apologizing for what happened with the phone call. No, I'm not telling you to suck up to your mother. I'm telling you to ease your mother into hearing whatever it is you'd like to say. If you can make her feel more comfortable with listening to you, then she's more likely to consider whatever you say next.

For example:
"Hey, Mom. Can I talk to you for a minute? [...] I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what happened today. I know now that I should have told the person on the phone that Dad doesn't live here anymore. It's just really hard for me to know what to say in situations like that. All I could remember was what you asked me to do, which was to say 'he's not home right now'. I really am sorry, but I honestly thought I was doing the right thing when I said what I said."

See how you can pacify your mother by saying you're sorry, then making your point without having to attack her like she attacked you? It's hard for anyone to argue with someone who delivers their point so gently. =) From there, you may even be able to discuss how you're handling the divorce. Maybe you and your mom could agree to find other people to talk to, so that you won't burden other family members with the problems you're experiencing.





   
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Re: Stuck in the Middle - November 2nd 2010, 09:02 PM

Thanks, but I've tried this with her and my dad before, it never works. I've tried to get help, I went to go see the guidance counselor at my school, but she told me to see her at the end of the day instead, but I can't so that because I get bussed home and I don't have a ride. Right now, I'm living with my sister and my mom, and my mom obviously doesn't listen to me, and my sister's busy all the time because she has to study for her huge nursing exam. Also, my dad called me a few days ago to ask if he could come over and we didn't even talk for 30 seconds, we're drifting apart. I'm a mess and I have no help.


"I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
"
-Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day
   
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