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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
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Name: Amanda.
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I'm such a damn loner... - February 21st 2009, 12:48 AM

And it's my own fault. I have a really hard time getting to know people, for some reason. It seems like I've never really had a good friend who I have fun with and can like.. idk, talk to about things getting me down. I want to make friends, but I really don't know how.. I know that sounds stupid, but.. it's just a fact of my life, I guess. It's easier for me to talk to people online, but when it comes to just having a conversation with someone I've just met it's really hard for me. And even when I do start a conversation, it's with the wrong person, and they end up laughing in my face or becoming my friend and then ditching me just when I trust them. I always see people, like... where ever the heck I go, in groups of friends having a good time, and it always hurt a little bit because of never had that kinda thing with anyone, ya know? Bottom line is that I'm sick of being the person who never gets to hang out with her friends, and I'm damn sick of it.. and I want to change it. The plus side is that I'm going to a different school the next school yr (still a while but better than nothing) and I really just want to be able to be me around people and not be shy and make friends... it's such a challenge for me though. So I guess I'm just wondering, when you started high school how did you make friends... and how do you know whether or not you can trust someone you've just met?

I'd sure love to know...
So, anyway, thanks

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
wtp Offline
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Re: I'm such a damn loner... - February 21st 2009, 03:18 AM

First of all what done is done people can change which includes yourself. Don't worry about what has happened in the past worrying won't ever help you.

Read the book
How To Win Friends And Influence People, By Dale Carnegie

I've had no trouble making friends but I read the book anyway and so should everyone else. It's a fun book to read and shows you great tips for making friends.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm such a damn loner... - February 21st 2009, 03:42 AM

you have to get to know that person a little bit before you can actually decide to trust them and dont worry i find it much easier to talk to people online then anyone in my home town..... i wish you the best of luck making friends and finding ones that suit you!!

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm such a damn loner... - February 21st 2009, 07:18 PM

Hi there Amanda,

I met my first new friend in high school when she came up to talk to me at a school picnic. She told me she really liked my story idea that I talked about in class.

So, what I'd suggest you do is join up with some interesting clubs and activities at school. They would gently help you start talking and meeting new people. It's a great and easy way to make friends.

Don't worry about being shy. I was really shy too, and now I find it a lot easier to talk to people. Doing group projects in class help to make friends too.


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Everyone has a story. What's yours?
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm such a damn loner... - February 21st 2009, 07:44 PM

Hey Amanda.
I seem to have to same problem you do. For whatever reason, it's hard for me to trust people. I still don't have a lot of close friends, but I'm working on meeting new people. It helps, when you first get to know a person, to focus on them. Ask questions about who they are, their interests and hobbies, their favorite subject in school, whatever. It might help you feel more comfortable when you know more about them.
Don't stress out about it. Be yourself!

PM me anytime

"How dare I? Because it is the truth." -Jane Eyre

"You do what you love, and f#%* the rest." -Little Miss Sunshine
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Re: I'm such a damn loner... - February 22nd 2009, 01:58 AM

Hey Amanda. I do know that feeling, and it can be hard to make friends or even conversation for that matter.

I do know that when starting out high school, there are many people wondering if they can make friends or if they will be liked. Changing schools can be a great thing for you. You'll be able to get away from past experiences and start off fresh.

Good tips are to just be friendly, listen, and just to smile during any conversation. A smile does attract people. Speak up in class whether it's answering questions, contributing ideas, or just plain socializing. When you do meet people though, I would say not to be so trusting. Just take any relationship you make slowly, and don't trust people too quickly. People do like having to talk to the person to get to know someone better. I'd just say talk about school, and stuff like movies, music, or whatever interests you and your peers. Start off with small talk, and then you'll find out who you like spending time around that way. If you do see something you'd like to join within the school, do it! Many people often regret not partaking in school activities. Good relationships take time once you do meet people.

Just stick with your mind and be YOU. If you do change who you are, chances are you feel like you have to act a certain way to maintain a relationship. It's much more genuine and real if you let people be attracted to you, and much more rewarding. I know you can do this Amanda. Good luck, and all the best with this. :]
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Re: I'm such a damn loner... - February 22nd 2009, 01:59 AM

This sounds like what I'm going through. I've been like this for a long time.
Have you heard of Asperger's Syndrome? Based on what I'm reading this could be a possible reason why you're not really getting along with anyone. You can look that up online. If you think you might have it you should go see a psychiatrist.
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm such a damn loner... - February 22nd 2009, 03:33 AM

hey amanda.

sometimes it can get rather awkward around new people you're trying to speak to .. happens to everyone basically, to talk you just find a topic you both can relate to and you'll start knowing each other better. and to know who you can trust, you gotta find someone who'll stick up for ya through times thick and thin.. that'll be someone ya can downright trust alright

firstly, you have to know that whoever laughs in your face whenever you're trying to get to know them are asses because YOU'RE the one who's being nice and trying to talk to them. hence, if they reject their friendship, remember that's it's THEIR loss. you're a nice person and i know it.

i think you'll have to be more active in out-of-school activities such as maybe basketball, volleyball, or cheerleading or something like that. through those activities you'll get to meet friends of similar interests i trust that you'll definitely be able to meet more people this way, and i'm as sure as i'll ever be that you'll be able to forge everlasting friendships with friends who'll stick with ya for life

Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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