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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Dedalus Offline
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bad friend - October 30th 2010, 12:51 AM

I had a falling out with a girl a couple of weeks ago. She has a crush on me, but she has a boyfriend and I really don't need another one of those situations. I won't go into the ins and the outs of what it was about, but it was all her fault and she knows that. Anyway what it resulted in was me being a really good friend on a night out where I bumped into her and her mates and her throwing some bitch fit about how I smoke. She got upset about something and started telling me personal problems like she always does. I don't know her that well or any of the people she's talking about, so I say why don't you talk to your boyfriend about this, he knows you and your life better than I do. She then starts going on about how she doesn't want to fill her relationship with all her problems; so I ask why is she doing it to ou friendship. She then goes on about how I'm a great support and confident and all this other shit; and I tell her I'm not her boyfriend, I don't really need a friendship where I'm just used to be vented on. I've got my own problems and I have a girlfriend (sort of) as well as another friend who really needs help. I don't need this and I don't need to be used that way.

This whole conversation was just ridiculous. It was so much more than this. It was her saying things and then five minutes later completely going against them in another long speech about her life. There was one big issue at hand and it was just such a load of shit where I was being completely used and just an ear to listen to so she could have a nice time with her boyfriend, have me around so she thinks she's beautiful and flirty, and other psycho shit.

I know it all seems pretty trivial, but the trivial things are what really annoy me the most.

I see her as this complete coward now. This really selfish person who just wants people to be her emotional blanket. She is so out of touch with the real world because she's been stuffed in a cotton box by her parents, and just only thinks about what she feels. If she feels bad everyone else should. If she thinks you're thinking a certain thing you are thinking it no matter what you say. All she cares about is whats going through her mind.

That all became crystal clear to me through that conversation. It ended with her not getting what she wanted this time, running back into the bar in tears and one of her friends after listening to her walk over and throw a drink in my face.

Three days later I got an apology phone call. She didn't even have the balls to say it to my face. She called me and the first thing she said was 'Hi this is about the project (we're ina group project of 5 or 6 people) that soon developed into an apology that contained more about how she felt, I was so scared to call you....I really don't want you to hate me....I've been feeling really bad since then; than about how I felt or what I think. So I just said right I accept your apology, but I really don't want to talk to you anymore. Then she starts going on about a kiss....and I don't remember kissing her...

I have no problem burning bridges. Having nothing to do with her is certainly no skin off my back.

Anyway, last week she made an effort to talk to me on facebook and I ignored it.

Then yesterday she came up to me after a lecture, which was pretty brave for her, and then she asked me in this really shy desperate tone if I wanted to get a cup of tea together....and I said no, I have an essay to write - which was true.

I really don't want to make things better. I really don't want anything to do with her. Everytime I see her in person or pictures of her on facebook, I just get this really sick feeling in my stomach. I think I hate her...she's just this selfish person who only cares about how she feels. She does the right thing, like asking me for tea, but not for the right reasons...she only asked me so she can make things better for her and make her feel better and iron out this issue.

I'd love to be a nicer person and say yeah, or leave her a message on facebook saying next week....but no. I don't want to know her. I don't want these big heavy conversations about how her life is so stressful (that I didn't mind before when I quite liked her)...

And even if I did leave her a message saying tea next week, I just haven't got the strength for it. Knowing her it won't be lighthearted, it'll be another long discussion about how she has felt without talking to me, her telling me what I'm thinking and her pleading that I don't hate her...I've been feeling too fed up with life to be able to take it all in my stride. Its too much for me to deal with and its a lot easier not knowing her.

But the thing is I actually feel quite bad...well not bad, but sympathetic towards her...the way she came up to me. It was fearful and absolutely desperate. She must have spent ages building up the courage......and I really don't like people feeling that way. I always try and strengthen people and build them up....but I knocked her down and she would have been upset about it, I know. She's probably been pretty upset about the whole thing since it happened...
   
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Re: bad friend - October 30th 2010, 05:32 PM

I've been having a similar experience recently and honestly, I know how you feel; people like that can be really draining. It might be better to just keep your space from her if she's someone you feel you can't really cope with. However, I do think that she probably deserves an apology for being rejected, especially if, like you say, it would have taken her a lot of courage to come up and say that to you. Apologising or even being civil to her doesn't necessarily mean you have to keep up a great friendship with her. You could just tell her you've got a fair bit going on right now or something. But especially if you're in a project group together it might just be for the best not to let things get too awkward.


Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
...
...
Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
Things are not always what they seem.
   
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Re: bad friend - October 30th 2010, 07:58 PM

Hey there. I see your side of the story and agree with you but i just want to say this :

I don't know this girl, but treat her gently cause think about it, if you felt sorry/sympathetic towards her, that's good because maybe that's what she needs, she may just be confused and all, but perhaps she takes a liking towards you, why ? Because look at the way she acts around you, deal gently with her, make sure that when you tell her you can't hang out or you don't want to talk to her, do it softly so that the pain of rejection won't be compounded with additional pain which might be harder to handle. And you never know what kind of response she might give.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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