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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Thumbs down Dealing with Mean Family - November 2nd 2010, 03:09 AM

Okay...I made a post similar to this one and am not sure its in the right spot...but here goes.
How do I deal with my family?
I'll give you an overview now of each person:
My mom- Hates me so much that she would do anything to get rid of me before I turn 18. Physically, mentally, and emotionally abuses me constantly. Won't let me do one single thing. Yells at me and then blames me for causing all the problems in the family. Has never said "sorry" to me even once. Reduces me to tears so often my eyes are sore. Forces me to clean the bathroom each day before school. Insults me with fresh phrases each day.
My dad- Like a torturer. Just goes along with whatever my mom says. Takes everything away from me that I cherish. Won't allow me to go to school half the time, but I manage to convince him to let me. Gives me until the count of 3 to do tasks that would take WAY more time than that. Also insults me daily. Gives me absolutely no privacy whatsoever. My backpack is inspected by him each day, and if I take any more than the limit, he'll throw me out of the car. Keeps a suitcase in my room at all times filled with my clothes, ready to send me to a juvenile hall or prison.
My brother- Younger than me. Tattles on me all the time. Gets me yelled even if I didn't do anything at all. Also forces me to do some his work for him. Pulls my skin off my arm when we're fighting. Pretends that I hurt him even if I didn't touch a hair. Whines for everything that I have and when it comes back, its completely destroyed.

In short, please, PLEASE help me here. Do not ask me to talk to them, because I have tried that and once I was threatened with a knife and beaten with a soup ladle. I don't want to go to a counseler because my doctor already knows some of what my mother does to me, and she's just encouraged it unknowingly. Now my mom just quotes what the doctor says to justify her actions. I'm way too young to live by myself, and all my close relatives live far away, and are old. Essentially, if I don't find a solution, I'm going to live here in misery, get thrown out and have to go to a foster home, or kill myself. Trust me, the last option IS a LAST OPTION: I think it's too selfish anyway, so I won't go there.
   
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Re: Dealing with Mean Family - November 2nd 2010, 04:16 AM

If I were in your position, I would gather any evidence I could of abuse (ex. pictures of bruises, testimony from friends) and call the police. They would then get Child Protective Services involved, and you would be able to talk to a social worker. Unlike your family doctor, a social worker would actually have the authority to remove you from your home, if s/he suspected that you were being abused by your parents and brother.





   
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Re: Dealing with Mean Family - November 2nd 2010, 04:58 AM

The problem is, I have a really hard time talking to adults that I don't know and I don't have a camera. I'm the only one in my family that doesn't have a camera. And I have no friends and no one at any of the 8 schools I've been in knows about it. I'm not allowed to go to, or host, a sleepover either.

Also, I'm scared sick of social workers. I read about this case where the social workers knew about the abuse but they didn't take the child away and she ended up dying in such a horrible way. She was only 7 years old as well. Her name was [Edited].

So...no social workers for me. I know you're thinking what a stubborn person I am, but no social workers.

Last edited by PSY; November 2nd 2010 at 08:33 AM. Reason: Please do not post anyone's full name without their consent (see Code of Conduct, Identifying Information).
   
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Re: Dealing with Mean Family - November 2nd 2010, 08:45 AM

Well then, let's look at the three options you listed in your first post.

1. Live in misery.
That's certainly a possibility. People do it all the time. What concerns me, however, is that the abuse could escalate. And you won't be moving out in a matter of weeks or months... we're looking at a few more years. Is that really something you'd want to face alone?

2. Go to a foster home.
This could be a good or a bad thing. You could end up living with one or two wonderful foster parents, or you could end up moving from home to home until you "grow out" of the system. So when considering this option, ask yourself which is more frightening: fear of what you already know is an abusive situation, or fear of what could be an unpleasant situation in some other way.

3. Killing yourself.
Actually, no. This is NOT an option. You are far stronger than you think you are. I know things seem hopeless now, because you don't feel there is anyone you can turn to... but look at where you are right now! You're on TeenHelp, reaching out to strangers. =) And we're not putting you down or making the situation worse, right? So maybe it's worth taking that same chance with people you can meet in "real life".

On a final note... I don't know the details of that little girl's situation, but I DO know there are many social workers who care deeply for the people they meet. I intern with a research lab that employs social workers, and they are by far some of the most compassionate, hard-working people I have ever met. Maybe the social workers in question didn't have enough evidence to justify removing the girl from her home. Maybe they had the best of intentions, but they missed the signs. Maybe they were a rare exception and simply didn't care.

All I can suggest is that you weigh the pros and cons, just as you would weigh the pros and cons of staying with your parents vs. going into foster care. Things could improve greatly if a social worker got involved. There is also the possibility that things could get worse for a while. It may help if you talked to the police about your options, and explained your situation in greater detail. If you can't get a ride to the station, you can call 9-1-1 from anywhere (home, school, a pay phone, etc.) and tell them what's going on. A police officer will pick you up and take your statement. If you have any bruises at the time, they can take photos and add them to your file. If the situation ever escalates, you can then call the police again, and they will already have evidence to back up your claim.





   
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