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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I have to buy her love - February 22nd 2009, 02:46 AM

It's the truth. I realize it now. If I want my own mother to act "motherly" toward me, care about me, be nice to me, help me out, I have to give her money. When I was working I was making some pretty good money. So naturally, I had no trouble helping my mom to pay bills. After I started doing this I noticed a change in her. She wasn't so angry with me. We got along a lot better. She stopped calling me useless and other hurtful names. Suddenly I was her daughter and she was pleased with me. But then I was laid off. Which wasn't too paid, I had several thousand saved up and was getting unemployment. But, that soon ran out. I'm now down to $3 in my savings. So...my mom has gone back to calling me useless and other such names. Suddenly she isn't pleased with anything I do. She can't stand the sight of me. She is talking about just packing up and leaving. I couldn't deal with it financially if she did that. I have no money. No job, no income at all. I can't stand that this is how things work with my mom. She had promised me when I was working that if I helped her out she would help me out. But now she won't. What do I do? How do I deal with this? I can't find a job. I've applied at a lot of different places for different positions yet I don't get called back at all.
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Re: I have to buy her love - February 22nd 2009, 04:10 AM

Whenever I hear about a parent insulting there child it fills with me great emotions of anger and sadness.

Don't deal with her. She has no right at all to insult. You're parents should want to be proud of you not see you become the scum of the earth. Don't give her any money especially because she doesn't support you in the first place. If you don't absolutely have to talk to her don't, exclude her from your life except for the things that are necessary. Hopefully she will realize what she is doing and change.

Your parent above all people should absolutely not be doing this.
   
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Re: I have to buy her love - February 22nd 2009, 05:06 AM

I understand if it was a friend or something and you were living in their house but it sounds like you're not even living with your mother. You have to let her know what she's doing isn't right, I know she's your mother but you better confront her about this problem now before it becomes more of a problem.


You can't live a positive life with a negative mind and if you have a positive outcome you have a positive income and just to have more positivity and just to kind of laugh it off. ~ Miley Cyrus




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Re: I have to buy her love - February 22nd 2009, 05:53 PM

Hi there Sessy,

Just know from the beginning that the problem lies with your mom and not you. You should not have to be paying her bills anyway and she should not be expecting money from you at all. If you are staying with her, then I understand it to a certain extent. But you are still her child and you should not be the one supporting her.

Talk to her about how she is making you feel. It's not fair of her to be treating you this way.
And keep applying for the jobs. Make sure everything on your application is correct and you have all the requirements for the position. Ask your friends if they know of places where you could apply.

Nat.


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Re: I have to buy her love - February 23rd 2009, 12:25 PM

hey.

firstly, a mother should love their child unconditionally no matter what i think that your mom might have had some bad experience in the past which kinda dulled her love towards you, but DEEP inside, i truly believe that the love is still there, and its as strong as ever. i think its your mom's priorities are wrong.

firstly, you gotta try to do everything that you can do on your side.. try helping her with chores and all ( AWKWARD i know ) but love can be unearthed through spending time together more often and the love i'm talking about is true, unconditional love

firstly, i think you've gotta have a heart-to-heart chat with her to clear things up.. every mother has a soft side i believe you can bring that side out.

always ready to help


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Re: I have to buy her love - February 23rd 2009, 06:17 PM

I have tried talking to her about it. It never works. She just blames her behavior on me. She says I do things to irritate her. Or she claims I'm not even looking for a job. Which is not true in the least. I have been doing chores around here, I clean the house and wash the dishes every day when she goes to work. But it still doesn't seem to be enough. She always finds something to get angry at me for. She isn't threatening to leave anymore. So I think my only solution is the same one as it always is, I have to just avoid her and take the insults without arguing back. Because if I argue with her to stop insulting me things just escalate. I just can't wait for the day that I can afford to leave this house.
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Re: I have to buy her love - February 23rd 2009, 06:30 PM

If she's confrontational, I suggest writing a letter, as it may give you more time to think and her more time to think whilst poring it over.


=P
   
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Re: I have to buy her love - February 24th 2009, 05:12 AM

I have tried writing her letters. It works, for a few days. She'll be okay with me. But then something will happen and she'll explode on me again.
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Re: I have to buy her love - February 24th 2009, 11:37 AM

i know it's harder than it sounds.. but the thing is i still believe that there's a part in her which truly cherishes you

i believe that you have to truly get to her... i'm currently thinking of a way to help..

i hope everything gets better


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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