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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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zharld Offline
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Problem with my friend group - November 7th 2010, 10:19 AM

I feel really stupid for posting this but I really need some advice.
So I hang out with a group of friends, (about 6 guys, with girlfriends sometimes) and after last night I found out (what seems like all) of them think I always bitch, complain and argue about everything. One of them told me this awhile ago but I kinda just disregarded it. Anyway one of them came over tonight and literally laid into me. Told me everything thats wrong with me, how im conceited, selfish, unable to see things from others point of view, high maintenance etc.
Only thing is I really cannot see this. I mean sure I have the occasional bitch about people but they also do this, I can honestly not think of anything to do that makes me so 'high maintenance'. I have other friend groups but this one is probably the closest. Am I really that conceited that I am unable to see how selfish I am?
Anyone been in any position similar to this?
I just dont know what to do...
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Finches Offline
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Re: Problem with my friend group - November 8th 2010, 02:48 AM

Hi zharld,

I know it's hard to receive criticism, especially criticism about your own character. However, as long as the criticism is constructive and meant with good intention, then you should embrace it and reflect on it. It seems like your close group of friends thought carefully about divulging you this information. They care about you and want to include you in the group still, so they took the best course of action and told you how they felt. Honesty goes a long way. You should appreciate your friend's courage to talk to you about this. If all of your friends agree with what your friend said, then you should look at this criticism seriously.

It is not really all that surprising that yo might not agree with them right away. It is natural for us humans to see things in our own perspective lens. Rarely do we look in the mirror to seriously analyze our own flaws because we don't wish to belittle ourselves. As such, we may never encounter or notice our own flaws until someone else tells us so. I think this is a case of that. I encourage you to keep the lines of communication open with your friend to reflect with him or her on how you have been acting. There is no better way to look at yourself than with a different perspective lens. What you may deem as unselfish may be seen as selfish by others. Your definitions of what you think is fine may be rude to others. This is case where you need to work with somebody to help you understand what may be wrong. It's no different from a sports player being evaluated by his coach.

I hope that helped,
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zharld Offline
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Re: Problem with my friend group - November 9th 2010, 12:40 AM

Thanks for that. Il keep that in mind
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