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canyoufeelit Offline
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Join Date: November 13th 2010

Unhappy Here we go again.. - November 13th 2010, 01:35 AM

My old school was hell. i just had to get that out before i began. So the old school i went to was so cliquey it wasn't even funny. Everyone in each clique was the same person and if you didnt agree with someone or didnt have the same ideas you really didnt have any friends. Thats where i was. I wasn't a slut so i didn't belong with that group, i wasn't a goodytwo shoes so i couldn't hangout with that group, and the other girls that maybe were in the same position that i was turned on me long before that and had no interest in ever hanging out with me.

I wasn't a total loner though... me and my best friend stuck together and made our own clique.. but one day we got into a huge fight and didnt talk which left me alone. People were nice and talked to me in the halls.. they were what you would call "school friends." they loved me during school but when it came to hanging out on weekends or after school no one ever thought to call me or invite me anywhere because at the end of the day they hungout with who they had always hungout with in their clique and it didnt matter how good of friends we were in school, nothing woud change. i became very depressed to the point of thinking of suicide and i couldnt go a day without bawling my eyes out. the littlest things hurt now, words never used to get to me but once the insults came and i had no one to turn to i felt trapped.

I couldnt talk to my parents because i was embarrassed and they wouldnt have understood. no one believed me when i tried to talk to someone about it, it was a joke. they thought sinice i was always smiling and bubbly and laughing during school around others that i couldnt possibly be depressed but i prayed to god every night to kill me in my sleep and end my suffering.

Transferring to a catholic school seemed like the greatest option, i claimed i wanted to go for the great sports program but really i just needed a fresh start. The first few weeks were great, i made so many new friends and hungout with a ton of people. my weekends were no longer filled with sadness and the crying all the time stopped, i started to think that nothing could possibly go wrong anymore. boy was i wrong.

I had two solid (or so i thought) groups of friends. The soccer girls and the cheerleaders. The "cheerleaders" i hung out with were all from the same town and all shared common interests.. drinking, partying, and sex. I didnt really agree with those things but i pretended like i thought it was cool so they would accept me and for a while they did. then they all started hanging out without me but they would still talk to me during school and we were still considered close. now they dont even talk to me even when i am sitting right next to them. They're not trying to exclude me but they just dont find me interesting anymore.

So i thought i could turn to my soccer friends. They started to get closer and closer to eachother while i was pushed out of the picture. We never hungout on the weekends anymore and there was no more practice so i barely saw them. They were always all over my newsfeed though, those two groups. laughing with eachother joking about things that had happened and inside jokes.

And now im slipping back into that depression stage that i so desperately needed to get away from. i dont know what to do.
Please, if there's anyone out there.. i just need to know that im not the only one who feels like this.. that im not alone.
   
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