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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Hiraeth Offline
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Gender: Male
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Join Date: October 24th 2010

Standing up to family. - November 15th 2010, 07:56 PM

Confrontation is a skill... that I never learned.

It was always about what they wanted. Their views were worth more than mine. Their views were somehow the correct ones just because they've been alive longer, even though they know absolutely nothing about this generation. Oh, but, they think they do. They think they know exactly what's in my head and exactly where I'll be heading in my life, because they have "been exactly in my position" before.

Bullshit. They don't know how much information I've withheld from them. They don't know that everything I've said was intended ultimately to appraise them, in hopes that if they were confident enough about the extent of their brainwashing, they would just leave me alone. Because if I showed the slightest sense of defiance (and even when I didn't), they knew exactly what to do. Exactly what would hurt the most. Not much, just a few words - but the exact few words.

They don't know that I've been trying to convince myself of their words, trying, but failing, for all these goddamn years, the nagging sensation of discomfort and hatred towards life in general as a result never went away.

I'm done with living a lie. I'm done with being my own worst enemy and living with a constant fear of betraying myself, of settling for the perceived inevitability of having a life that reeks more of death than dying itself. I'm done with having to go out of my way to avoid the things that I find personally meaningful because even to acknowledge their existence as nothing more than just a fleeting, insignificant, powerless 'escape' is too painful.

But I'd never know how to say that to their faces.

How to, for the first time ever, reject the tendency to conform. How to protect myself from their words, and not let it break me as it's always done.
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