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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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sister on Facebook - February 22nd 2009, 06:46 PM

Okay, so, my little sister is 13. My friend texted me this morning to tell me that my sister had made a Facebook.
I went to check it out.
I nearly cried. It's full of chatspeak, sexual innuendos, and suggestive pictures. She sounds like an uneducated slut

I'm away at college and don't live with her right now and we've never had any kind of sisterly relationship largely due to our age and personality differences. I really don't want her putting that image of herself out there. She doesn't even have any privacy blocks on her profile... I'm scared for her but I don't know what to do.

Oh, and should I tell my parents about this? I have the feeling my mom would want to know, but I don't want to go overboard on the overprotective-ness...


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Re: sister on Facebook - February 22nd 2009, 06:52 PM

Hey Steffani,
Would you feel comfortable enough to e-mail your sister or talk to her about it? She definitely shouldn't be doing that and it might help if you discussed this with her. If she refuses to change it or you really don't want to talk to her about this your mom does have a right to know and could help out a lot in this situation. It is a safety issue and she does need to know that is going overboard. Good luck!


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: sister on Facebook - February 22nd 2009, 06:53 PM

I personally think that the chatspeak is nothing to worry about, it's just a phase and when she becomes less dependent on the internet it'll go away,
as for the suggestive pictures and innuendos, talk to her, make a facebook of your own and message her, but try not to sound too overprotective, just say that some people will take those sexual remarks as a chance to be perverted,
this is going to sound wierd or stupid, but try making it sound immature or like 15 year old would say it, if she sees you say it in a college-like manner she'll probably take it as you thinking you know what's best and get all defensive


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Re: sister on Facebook - February 22nd 2009, 06:56 PM

She'll have to learn through her mistakes and problems. She needs to live her life just as you need to live yours. You can mention you disapprove by all means but respect her decision
   
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Re: sister on Facebook - February 22nd 2009, 06:58 PM

If I was you, I would personally tell your mother about the fact that she has a Facebook. I personally think that parents should know what their kids are doing on the internet. However, it might be a better idea to talk with her first. Let her know what kind of image she is sending out and tell her how you feel about this.


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Re: sister on Facebook - February 22nd 2009, 07:23 PM

I would say talk to her about it before you tell your parents. I think parents shopuld know what their kids are doing, but I also know that I would never let my parents know what I do online (i.e. TH). So give your sister a chance to deal with it herself, but if she doesn't, then tell her parents.


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Re: sister on Facebook - February 22nd 2009, 07:23 PM

I think speaking to your sister is a good first step show her that you can be a big responsible, reasonable sister.
Maybe you could make a deal with her if she tones down her facebook and puts her profile onto private. You could get her to sort out the account and then she can tell your parents she has it at least if it's on private and she's only accepting people she knows it's pretty safe.
   
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Re: sister on Facebook - February 22nd 2009, 11:58 PM

I think you should talk to her about this. But make sure not to criticize everything about her account. If you tell her to change everything than it may upset her. (My friend had a similar experience and when she confronted her sister, she was really offended and was very upset. She did end up changing things but my friend felt guilty about it after) The privacy setting is a big issue, so make sure if anything that she changes it.


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Re: sister on Facebook - February 23rd 2009, 12:06 AM

I wouldn't mention anything. She has to learn to deal with her own problems, as much as you and the next person have to deal with their own. She's probably not doing the smartest thing by making that account but if she wants to, I see no reason why she cant. I'll assume that you had some sort of online profile somewhere, whether it is or not on facebook, or that she saw other accounts and went with the current "fashion trend": make some stupid facebook or myspace page. If she gets messages and plans to meet someone based on her pictures, then that's a potential problem in the making (and some fun time for someone else, although that wouldn't really be something for you to look forward to lol). If you're going to criticize her for her profile, then might as well do it for everyone else who has similar profiles. Also, the average sex rate is steadily, but surely, decreasing, so this isn't something unusual or abnormal she'd be doing. Let it be and let her figure out that it isn't the best move.
   
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Re: sister on Facebook - February 23rd 2009, 12:19 AM

Let's see if i can make some sort of bridge between the two sides here,
how about you don't ask her to change anything, just mention to her that there's a strong possibility that some guys are going to see this as a chance to get perverted towards her and let her handle it her own way,
if she decides to change it, then that works,
if she decides to fix it up in person and keep her facebook account her own space to use as she wants freely then that works too,
don't bring it up to her like a "big sister talk",
just message or email her saying "haha, nice facebook, but i think you may get some of your own little stalkers with information like that"
keep it so that it's like a joke but so that it also points out that the sexual innuendos and whatnot are going to affect her in real life


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"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
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Re: sister on Facebook - February 23rd 2009, 06:53 PM

Thanks for all your help guys!

In the end, I decided that the privacy controls were the biggest concern, the rest of it really isn't my business even if my natural reaction was to want to intervene.
I called my mom so she could take care of it as she saw fit.

Problem resolved... this can be closed now


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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: sister on Facebook - February 23rd 2009, 10:42 PM

I'll close this now, Steffani. I'm glad you got it sorted out.

Nat.


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