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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Maiden Offline
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I am so sick of her and I can't take it anymore. - February 22nd 2009, 08:02 PM

My younger sister is 15 and she is the biggest brat I have ever met. Not only is she spoilt rotten, and I mean rotten, but she's bossy, rude, obnoxios, so incredibly vain and she can't handle the fact that I'm different from her. She wants to fit in with the crowd so desperately, whereas I just want to be myself so she hates me and thinks I'm retarded for being gay and a little bit out there and different from everyone else. Because I don't try to fit it, she thinks I'm a complete ass. She hates me being around her friends because she thinks I'll embarrass her just by existing. She's been like this, getting worse, for about 5 years and I'm afraid it's never going to end. I'm not sure I can live with here anymore. I wish I could get some money to move out. She doesn't know anything about my past and what has happened to me but she judges me.

It all comes to a head at this point: I got a girlfriend about six months ago and I am FINALLY happy. My last boyfriend was abusive and pretty much crushed my self esteem and I'm finally getting it back. Except that my sister cannot accept my girlfriend. She says it's not because she's a girl and she has no problem with that, but she is so rude to her. She calls her names behind her back and I'm pretty sure it's going to be said to her face one day soon. She makes stupid comments and won't talk to her. Whenever I talk about my girlfriend or anything I've done with her, my sister tells me to shut up and she doesn't give a crap about "gf" (not naming). My parents just let her get away with anything. And I know she hates me because this morning, I accidentally found her diary and there's pages and pages of her slandering me and saying how she wishes I was dead and would burn in hell. I don't understand why because I am always always trying to be nice to her but I won't take being bossed around like I am by a 15 year old. She thinks she's so much better than me, and I have the proof in writing. She thinks I'm going to fail at life and she's going to do much better than me.

Right back when I started dating "gf", another of my friends, who was really jealous of my relationship with "gf", told my sister and her friends that "gf" was the "queen slut of her school" and my sister came back and said this to me. My gf is not a slut. She was a virgin before she met me and had never had sexual contact with anyone besides a couple of kisses. But it seems my sister believed it because I found written in her diary entry from last week that my "queen slut" "gf" probably gave me an STI. I am so so so angry at this rumour because I know 100% sure that she is NOT a slut and has never had sex with anyone. I have friends who have known her since she was 5 and they can assure me that she has NEVER.

I have no idea what to do about my sister because I just can't live with her when she thinks of me like this. I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to her about it before and she'll say yeah yeah yeah I won't do it anymore, and 20 minutes later, she's screaming at me and banging on my door holding a knife.


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Re: I am so sick of her and I can't take it anymore. - February 22nd 2009, 08:27 PM

It's normal for your sister to want to fit in with the crowd at this age but the way she's treating you seems really horrid. Hopefully she'll grow up soon or maybe there's something she's hiding though e.g self harm, being bullied at school, she's in trouble with someone. This could cause her to lash out and perhaps she's using it as a cry for help. I'm sorry that your parents let her get away with it though all I can say is just ignore her and the rumours and just hope it gets better in time.


   
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Re: I am so sick of her and I can't take it anymore. - February 23rd 2009, 02:34 AM

Your older than her, more mature. She is younger and socially reckless due to her trying to fit in. Embarrass her or something, when she's with her friends just go up to her and say something like "Oh there my cool little sister". When she gets mad at you later laugh and say it doesn't matter.

Make her aware that you can make her life a lot worse that she can make your life worse, and she'll step down.
   
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Re: I am so sick of her and I can't take it anymore. - February 23rd 2009, 07:55 AM

I'm not sure that would work because just because my parents don't tell her off, doesn't mean they don't tell me off!

The other problem is, she's bigger than me so she can easily take me out if she wants to.


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Re: I am so sick of her and I can't take it anymore. - February 23rd 2009, 10:30 PM

Hi Maiden,

I think it's really great that you've found someone you are comfortable with and who you can be yourself around. Getting back your self esteem is important, and I think just by being yourself, you're really doing wonders So keep that up.

From what you were saying about your sister, it sounds like she might have low self esteem as well. By constantly wanting to fit in and not acting like herself around people, she's not doing herself any favours. She'll figure this out eventually, but understand that she's a teenager and that's just how she feels.

That doesn't mean you need to put up with all her nonsense. What she is saying is terrible. But if she doesn't accept you, then that is her problem. She may or may not grow out of this, but it's something she needs to come to terms with herself. For the moment ignore what she's saying. She can write what she wants in her diary. You've found someone special for you and that's all that matters. If she says anything to your gf, then tell her to stop and tell your parents about it.

I hope your sister can come to terms with reality soon.

Nat.


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Re: I am so sick of her and I can't take it anymore. - February 24th 2009, 01:20 AM

I'm not condoning your sister's behavior but I don't think confronting her about it is the answer. It might only make her respond aggressively since in her mind she probably doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. You should make it clear to her that you are happy with your new found relationship and nothing she says will change that. As for the dairy, keep in mind that she's a 15 year old with ragging hormones. When I was that age I wrote about torturing girls who where bullying me, so long as what your sister writes only goes as far as the page she's using, let her rant. Sooner or later she'll have to mature up and realize she can't control the people around her.
   
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