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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 23rd 2009, 01:18 AM

So, my ex boyfriend and I broke things off in december but decided to remain friends. a week later, he started liking this girl that he worked with and eventually they got together. now we're both dating someone. his new girlfriend doesn't like me but i have no problem with her.

we recently got into a little confrontation because i noticed he had taken me off his top on myspace. not a real big deal, since it's just myspace but i sent him a comment jokingly saying that i was upset about it and then eventually sent him a message through facebook. well, it got into how he was tired of having to comfort the two of us and that he was getting it from both ends. this eventually led to him saying that he wanted us to focus more on our relationships and end our friendship. this had to have hurt the worst out of everything because i was with him for two years. how do you just throw someone you've known for so long out of your life like that? i sure as hell wasn't about to do it. i personally think it's all her telling him these things because she doesn't want us to be a part of each others lives anymore.

i don't know. just looking for some feedback if you have any!
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Re: i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 23rd 2009, 01:35 AM

Men are so confusing sometimes. But you guys are old lovers and stuff like other relationships change you. I know it's not easy to just let him go. But maybe it might make things better. You know, I can't find a cute little comparison for it exactly but sometimes in life its' better to break stuff off then expect things to still remain as happy as they should be.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 23rd 2009, 01:46 AM

Well, things were going pretty well in the friendship. we didn't talk as often as we used too. but, i mean, we would text each other every other week or so, see how the other is doing. he would send me random facebook messages asking me how i was doing. he called to wish me a merry christmas and we even spent new years together, which should have gone better but it was a week after we broke up, so it was to be expected that i still be a bit bitter. which, i'm not anymore. only thing im bitter about is that he wanted to end a friendship for some girl. but, i totally get what your saying. i mean, i didnt expect things to go back to the way they once were, and nor do i expect them too in the future. i'm happy with the person, i'm with now. he is someone i could potentially love and we both really want to make this work. we've had previous feelings for each other, but nothing ever came of them since he had a girlfriend at the time. but, i'm happy and im glad my ex is happy. i'd do anything to keep that happiness going. it's just hard. i dont understand what i ever did to his current girlfriend to make her hate me so much. and on top of all this, his family is like my family. his neice is my goddaughter. it's not like i can just throw them out of my life because he doesn't want to be my friend.
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Re: i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 23rd 2009, 09:24 PM

"Friends after the breakup" never works for one of two reasons:

1. One party is pissed/severely emotionally damaged because of the other party and needs time away from them

2. One party wants things to "go back to normal" and the other party wants things to be entirely different (you can never go home again, so to speak)

Everyone tries this, and experience both sides of the reasons. It seems like nobody really learns. Even with me and Ritchie, I just wanted things to be okay between us, because the breakup was only kind of mutual and we were both hurt by it a great deal. But it takes a long time for it to be even slightly temperate between any couple who split after months or years together.
The time apart is necessary. It enables you to grow and heal after the breakup. When you're around your ex or talking to him all the time, it won't let you get over him because he's still around, and you're still pretending that nothing is different. He is going to move on without you, even if you don't acknowledge the change.


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Re: i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 24th 2009, 04:02 AM

i know that him and i aren't ever going to be the same, relationship wise. like, i totally understand that. we're both moving on. but, the thing is: i don't like his girlfriend because she talks shit about me. she doesn't like me because she feels threatened by me.

it just sucks that things were working out in our friendship. but, maybe i was wrong. we didn't talk a lot. only every few weeks or so, just to see how the other was doing and what was going on in our lives. and, i guess his girlfriend was fine with that.

i don't know. my best friend whose boyfriend his my ex's best friend told me today that he is only doing this so he can move on fully, so i should do the same. i agreed to leave him alone, so it's not going to be pushed any further. but it sucks because i care about him and don't want to lose him as a friend. but, i already have done that. so it doesn't matter anymore.

it sucks. i hate the situation. but there is truly nothing i can do about it. we're both in new relationships, so we need to focus on those.





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Re: i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 24th 2009, 04:10 AM

Indeed. Give this relationship time and focus on the one you have now, the 26 days old one.

It's taken me years to fully befriend old exes after the breakup.


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 24th 2009, 04:19 AM

the thing is, we were friends before we even got together. i guess i was just super hopeful that things would be okay. i'm okay now. i'm crying about this now because it hurts that i lost a friend. that would hurt anyone. it's just a tad bit more hurtful because him and i were together for two years, broke up, were friends and now we're not in each other's lives at all.

but the thing that he has to live with is that his sister and i are going to be the best of friends and that's not going to change and his niece is my goddaughter and that's not going to change. they're parts of my life that aren't going to go away. and i'm babysitting my goddaughter next tuesday and i am worried that he is going to be there and that it's going to be awkward. i don't like awkward situations and i want to make that one as little awkward as i can. maybe he'll leave? or maybe he'll talk to me. i can only wait and see.





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Re: i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 24th 2009, 08:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by faithlovehope View Post
they're parts of my life that aren't going to go away. and i'm babysitting my goddaughter next tuesday and i am worried that he is going to be there and that it's going to be awkward. i don't like awkward situations and i want to make that one as little awkward as i can. maybe he'll leave? or maybe he'll talk to me. i can only wait and see.
Well, being that there's almost a guarantee that he's always going to be in your life (with varying levels of priority), you don't need to worry about entirely losing him. The downside with dating friends is that there's always the chance that you're going to break up, and that ruins everything you've worked for.

Quote:
Originally Posted by faithlovehope View Post
i know that him and i aren't ever going to be the same, relationship wise. like, i totally understand that. we're both moving on. but, the thing is: i don't like his girlfriend because she talks shit about me. she doesn't like me because she feels threatened by me.
You have to put yourself in her situation. If he had been with anyone else before you, more than likely, it would bother you if she tried to remain in his life because of the history they had. And since you don't know what goes on, you're left to wonder if he's really trying to get back with her. Try to recognise behavior in her that you would probably express, too.
Regardless of her talking shit about you, you need to know that your ex knows she's full of shit. You were together with him for a while and I reckon he knows damn well what's true and false about you.


Hey guys, like jewelry that can withstand the blow of a sword? Jewelry that can put up a fight? Check out ChainCreations!

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Re: i don't know how to assess the situation. - February 24th 2009, 04:10 PM

that is true. my best friend told me yesterday that he's come to terms with the fact that i'm always going to be in his life through his family because i'm so close with them all and because of his neice, my goddaughter. i couldn't be without them. they're family too.

and, that is true. my friend pointed that out too. and i know he knows what true about me and what's false. what she had said about me, which was calling me a psycotic b-i-t-c-h, he told her to knock it off. and whenever she is around his family, she tries to bring me up but nobody talks about me. they all said that they aren't going to get close to her because they got so close to me and when we broke it up, it hurt them too.

with his previous girlfriend, he stopped talking to her completely after they broke up because she had cheated on him. we were together for two years and hate the fact that we can't talk anymore. it just sucks.





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