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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I hate my overprotective parents - November 27th 2010, 07:25 PM

Hi there. I'm 16, half way through 17, and I have overprotective parents. My father is actually, the 'overprotective' one, as my mother doesn't have an opinion of hers own at all. She shares the opinion of my father all the time and she does not take ANY decisions in the family. But anyways, my father used to beat me when I was small almost every single day. My mom even split up with him for an year(they almost got divorced) cuz I dropped some heavy tool accidentally on the floorm, and as my father was pretty nervous, he tried to catch me and beat me about it. Then my mother jumped on top of him, tryin to protect me and so on and so on.... So she packed our clothes and stuff and we moved to my grandmother's place. I now even wish we they had divorced back then but that's in the past.

Nowadays, my dad doesn't beat me that often(he just punches me lightly on rare occasions), but he doesn't let me have any privacy or take decisions about MY life by MYself. It's as if we live in different worlds. They don't let me drink alcohol(even though everyone at my age does so, including me). Of course I drink in moderation. I have never been so drunk that I didn't know what I was doing actually... They don't let me hang out with 'dangerous' friends even though I have no fuckin idea how the hell do they know whether they are 'dangerous' or not. They don't also let me arrange my time. My father thinks I'm addicted to computer and especially computer games though I can most sincerely declare that I am not. I play only World of Worldcraft(other games, especially ones that do not have multiplayer and chat options do not interest me at all) and only at times of great boredom. In my spare time, the most interesting thing to do for me is to hang out with friends OUTSIDE. If I can't do that and stay at home(providing I do not have a TV or interesting books or anything), the only thing I can do is to stay on the computer and either chat with somebody, watch a movie, surf the net or etc... World of Warcraft is like the last thing on my list. I log on there only if I there's nothing interesting going on on the net and there is no one to chat with on Skype. But somehow, my father always happens to come in my room when I'm at that state of complete boredom. He thinks that the computer is ruining my life and I can not learn or do anything cuz of it. Well, the truth is that with or without a PC, I just cannot study properly. I'll either stare at the wall doing nothing, or sleep. I just can't.

Yesterday I slipped out that I needed new jeans. So today's morning he wanted to go with me to the centre and go at random shops to search for some. But I told him that I didn't want 'random' stuff, I wanted a certain type of jeans and that we'd just waste our time. He thought it was cuz of my 'computer addiction' that I didn't want to go out so he rushed into my room and got my computer's main cable(as always). I was just about to make an arrangement with a friend of mine to go and check out some fitness thing later today so I simply freaked out and called him a psychopath. He jumped at me and started beating me. Good that my mom came in aid cuz I would've started beating him in deffence as well and it would've been even worse. So now he stated that he won't do anything for me from now, that he won't give me any money, nor buy me anything or whatsoever...

Did I forget to say that he is threatening me every single day? That if I have bad marks at school he would stop giving me money and he'll take my computer from me. It's every single day. I just got sick of it and today I freaked out. I'm tired of being scolded every single evening being said how pathetic am I, how I won't manage do anything by my own when I graduate high-school and stuff. That's all.

I have an year and a half left till I can actually move out to live elsewhere and get a job. I have no idea whether I'll be able to live till then. I feel like I've lost the first 17 years of my life. Cuz of my family being so overprotective I don't have many friends. If I'm called for a party or something, my parents never let me go.
   
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Re: I hate my overprotective parents - November 27th 2010, 08:22 PM

Sorry about double posting but at the moment all I got is my cellphone and it is pretty hard to write from it(what about editing such long posts) and as I didn't have enough time to finish it the first time, I decided to continue in a second one. I also appologize for all the gramar mistakes but I kinda rushed that so I don't really have much time for thinking.

Anyways, what I missed to say in the first post of mine is that I'm not let to hang out with friends after school. My parents let me do that only on weekends but there are rarely any people who wanna hang out on weekends so I'm pretty much stuck at home without a TV, PC or anything.

I'm not allowed to take a shower every day cuz they think it's unhealthy and I might get bald or something. I feel very uncomfortable being dirty every second day.

They call me 10000 times a day when I'm not at home, asking where I am, with whom I am, what I am doing and stuff like that. Every single day after I finish school there is a pointless call like 'You finished school honey?' 'Yes I have..Mom.' 'Ok, come home fast.' 'K, bye.'. It's irritating. Do they think I'm a 6 years-old or what???

About the 'privacy' thing - everyone comes in my room whenever he wants to, even in the toilet... I hate that.

My dad also smells my hands every single evening, when I come back from school. He doesn't want me to start smoking. Though, despite all my 'friends' smoking I never wanted to do so or will ever do. I've talked to my father about that, but talking obviously doesn't help in my situation.

What avout the clothes. He hides my skate-shoes, short socks and thin clothes during winter times(even if there is little to no snow and ain't THAT cold) and if I somehow put one of those on, he doesn't let me go out.

So basically for my father, studying is top priority. I have no idea what he wants from me but he wants me to be perfect at it, have only As, hang out with nerds only and if possible have no life. But as of today on top of it all I am permanently left without a PC and money so I find no purpose in my life being like that for the next 2 years. I don't know whether to flee from home or anything. I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm imprisoned. And as I stated already - talking won't help...at least it hasn't in the past 10 years...

I just had to post that. For those who bothered to read the whole thing - if you have any suggestions or have similar to my parents, please share it. I will highly appreciate it!

Last edited by Sanshaop; November 28th 2010 at 11:04 AM.
   
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Unhappy Re: I hate my overprotective parents - December 4th 2010, 02:31 PM

Thanks for the support guys. Your replies were very helpful... *a little irony here*

But nevermind, that's getting unbearable. Maybe I should move the topic over to the 'suicide' forums... It's only 5 PM here and yet it's been one of the longest Saturdays in my life. I'm stuck in my room with nothing but a stupid phone(which I'm writing from) and some schoolbooks that I have absolutely no desire to read at the moment. 7 hours of watching the wall, 7 more left till I go to sleep. And tomorrow might be the same, if not worse. I'd gladly go and apply for some stupid job but I'm not full-aged(18) yet so I don't have the right to. My life seems so pointless at the moment that I see no purpose in living. Haven't ever been lonelier, srsly...
   
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Re: I hate my overprotective parents - December 4th 2010, 06:53 PM

Your father is definitely being rather...protective of you, if you want to call it that. It's more like they are sheltering you, and don't want you corrupted by today's society. What you can do is see if you can get a job, so then you can get money, and make friends that way. So if you were to go out with so co-workers, they can't really say no. A job would help you, cause then you can show you are more responsible. Or even have some extra curricular activities. Your dad really has no respect for you, and I would also like to say, you are worth more than how you are treated.

What you can do is ignore it, or tell someone in school about how he treats you, such as a counselor maybe. Although, depends on where you go to school/live. You only have two years left, and you can make it. It's how I'm doing it, I see that it's only a bit more time, and you definitely can be free to choose what you want when you are legal. Your father can't say anything at that point, and you can tell him you don't care.

So get a job (I'm sure it could help) so you can even save up money, and do what you want, and be more stable when you move.

If you want to talk about anything else, feel free to PM me, I am usually always online if I'm not working or at school.

Best of wishes, Crim.


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Re: I hate my overprotective parents - December 4th 2010, 06:55 PM

Sry, I wish I had read this earlier. I was just about to go out myself... but I'm gonna take 5 minutes over this.

This sounds a lot like what happened in my house. The only difference is my mum was and now is even more of a midget, and my dad was maybe 10 cm taller, and weighs no doubt no more than 60kg. Them beating me would have been impractical and we all knew I had a very vicious response to physical attacks. All kinda confrontations with other kids in school proved it to almost everyone.

But the whole privacy thing. I hate giving stereotypical responses, but you could try talking to him, talking to your mum. Your mum obviously really cares about you. She's also probably dependant on your dad, so isn't very keen to leave him.... blah blah, I don't know the details of that relationship. Either how she doesn't feel confident joining the fight if you know what I mean.

If talking to him doesn't work, maybe see someone at school. I dono... find out what there is available, maybe a school counsellor. I mean this is almost harassment what he's doing. It doesn't have any positive outcomes on you. It's making you depressed. When you're depressed, you OBVIOUSLY can't focus on school work, you're tired, fed up etc etc. Once you've got someone taking your side at school, perhaps get them to meet with your dad, and discuss the whole thing.

Important though: Don't leave the chance to your dad to start running around finding counsellors for you. I'm not saying it will happen to you, but it might. It's infinitely better when you act on it yourself. See this is what my mum did, started taking my to all kinda clinics, counsellors, and most of them (not surprisingly) criticized her parenting. Of course, the next thing she'd do is just take me to another one. My dad played just as much of a part in all this. Today I'm in university, and I still get stupid amounts of emails asking me what am I up to? Phone calls... etc, I honestly just ignore it by now. Maybe the emails are innocent and have no bad intentions whatsoever, but I'm sick as hell of it.


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Re: I hate my overprotective parents - December 4th 2010, 07:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrimsonTippedPetals View Post
What you can do is see if you can get a job, so then you can get money, and make friends that way. So if you were to go out with so co-workers, they can't really say no.
Sry... it sounds like good advice, and maybe I should let him speak first lol... but that's exactly what I tried to do when I was in his situation.

School work comes 1st. No time for ANYTHING else. No time to take a shit even. My parents took the bathroom key so I couldn't spend more than 5 mins takin a bath without them walking in(we had no shower).

He might be legally allowed to have a job, but it really doesn't sound like his dad would let him.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: I hate my overprotective parents - December 10th 2010, 12:07 AM

Your father is way too protective over you...but your mom does care if she was brave enough to walk out with you after you were beaten.
I think you need to talk with him face-to-face.
My family is the opposite...my mom dominates the house and my dad follows.
She really loves beating me up and getting my dad to take my stuff away. It's a challenge in the morning getting ready.
PM me if you ever need to vent. I'm here!

*PS- I'm sorry for any mistakes. My fingers are sprained and I had to treat them myself because my parents won't get me medical help.*
   
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