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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Marguerite Offline
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Exclamation So annoyed, I don't know what to do! PLEASE help. - December 4th 2010, 08:12 AM

For the past few months a girl has sort of been following me around. I know 'following me around' makes me sound like some sort of bitch that thinks I'm better than others, but it hasn't been like that.

I started a new school this year and there was this girl I talked to occasionally. She seemed nice enough so I was always nice to her everything. So anyway she started hanging around me more and more. She started coming up to my house before school while I was still in bed. When I didn't answer, she wouldn't leave. She would stand there for 20 minutes shouting my name and knocking loudly. She even went through the gate, around to the back of my house and bashed on my window. I'm on holidays now and she's been emailing me every day (EVERY DAY, without fail) and calling me every couple of days to tell me it's going to be so cool when we hang out all the time.

I didn't know what to do. This isn't that new to me. I'm a pretty quiet but I guess I attract these types of people a lot because it happens all the time, just not to this extent. I can't tell them to go away because they are always nice. For example this particular girl tells me at least once a day how smart and awesome and cool I am.

So tonight I'm in bed in my pajamas and my mum knocks on my bedroom door and says "You have a visitor." Naturally I'm thinking WTF?? but I guess I knew it was her because nobody else would show up unnannounced at 8pm. So I say hello and asks her what she is doing here. the conversation went like this:

Her: "I was just wondering what you were doing on monday or tuesday and if you wanted to go out."
Me: *I have to go out on monday anyway* "Uhh... Monday I guess I'm free. We could go to town."
Her: "Cool. And I was thinking I could stay over that night."
Me: "umm... okay?"
Her: "Ask your mum."
*So I had to ask her because she was standing right there. She says it's fine*
Her: "Great! See you monday morning. My mum is waiting outside in the car so I have to go."

I mean seriously WTF. I am so annoyed. I feel like I had no choice. It's not like I could say I don't want too. She put me so on the spot... I mean, I didn't have time to think of a lie. Even if I had she would have just said "How about the next day?" I am on edge all the time in my own house because I'm worried she'll come up.

I just don't know what to do but she is stressing me out so much. I would rather eat nails than have her come up here. NOT TO MENTION that I live in a tiny unit so I would be stuck trying to make awkward conversation with her and my mum.

Oh and I JUST got an email that said 'thanks for letting me hang out with you' and I feel like a horrible person. But I am at my end here.


To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget

~Arundhati Roy
   
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Gaia Offline
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Re: So annoyed, I don't know what to do! PLEASE help. - December 4th 2010, 12:12 PM

Sometimes in life you just have to be selfish, and I know that's hard, because I've been in your shoes.
More than anything, you don't want to hurt her feelings, but hanging out with her and not liking her is giving her false hope. Or it could just mean you'll never get rid of her, and you'll end up resenting her and being unhappy.
It's not horrible to not like someone, it's natural. You can't be expected to like everyone you meet, especially when they are this full on.
My advice is to let her down gently, tell her the truth, that you feel she is pressurising you into hanging out, and you're not comfortable with the amount of contact she is having with you after such a short period.
Alternatively, if you do want to be her friend, tell her that, but that she needs to tone it down a bit as you're finding the friendship more like an obligation. [perhaps not as harsh as that, but my brain won't give me another sentence ]
Just because she is being nice to you doesn't mean you have to be her friend, and I know she will probably be hurt when you tell her you don't want to be, but you'll hurt yourself by continuing to be her friend. It's ok to be selfish when it comes to friendship, as it's not a friendship if someone doesn't want it.


"Life is pain, anybody that says different is selling something" ~ Fezzik's Mother, The Princess Bride. ♥

"To die, would be an awfully big adventure."~ Peter Pan

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

~ The Buddha

14-04-2010. R.R <3
   
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: So annoyed, I don't know what to do! PLEASE help. - December 6th 2010, 01:12 AM

Ok, ok, this is very interesting i must say. Ok. now. ok.

Why do you think she would do this ?? Perhaps she just thinks you are cool and would like to hang out with you, or maybe she something else. I can tell you from experience that when you look up to someone and think that they are cool, I would like to spend time with them cause you just like them and look up to them. It may be the same for this girl but perhaps to an extreme or maybe its something else.

Have you tried talking to her though, what did she say ?? How does she behave around you ??

I'm guessing she really looks up to you cause she showers you with praise constantly from what you are saying. Oh and also, when you talk to her, do it gently cause this is a person who is looking up to you, think about it, reflect on it. We rarely find someone who looks past our flaws and still looks up to us with a true heart.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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