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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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damaged Offline
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Needed, but not needed - December 9th 2010, 05:29 AM

I was wrong before, when I said I needed my "best friend". I don't need her, which is why the last few days I have been trying to stay away from her. It worked well, but it did show that she does need me. I'm not trying to sound self centered, but when some one tells you that they need you it's ok to talk about I think, unless you promise to keep it a secret. I have to admit that it felt good to hear that I'm needed by some one, even if its not exactly the person you want to hear it from. I know that she says I help her so much with staying clean and not hurting herself, but she's making it hard for me to stop hurting myself, even if I don't know if I want to stop. I don;t know if I can be there for her to help get through this and help her stay out of it again. To be honest I don't think she will ever be able to do this with out someone showing her that the next time she "accidentally slips up" people aren't just going to say it's okay it happens to everyone and yes it does happen to everyone, but not at least once a week. I have to help myself before I can help her and to be honest I'm done being her "wonder girl" I'm not going down in her flames.
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Re: Needed, but not needed - December 9th 2010, 05:05 PM

Hey Alexia! That's such a hard position to be in, and I admire you for wanting to help your friend but also recognizing that it may be hurting you.

It's important that you set yourself up for success. That might mean you need some time away from your best friend. While it feels good to know that you are needed (and no, that's not self-centered, because everyone appreciates being wanted sometimes...), it can be overwhelming. I urge you, however, to not burn that bridge entirely. I'm sure you can support your friend while still finding ways to help yourself.

Make sure you still have someone to lean on. Perhaps that's a family member, another friend, or us here at TH! You can't do it alone. Perhaps you could guide your friend to someone else. Explain to her that, in order to help her, you have to help yourself first. I am sure she, as someone who is also struggling, will understand that mindset.

Neither of you are alone, and it is important to lean on each other as well as others. You can still have fun together, you just might not be able to give each other the emotional support needed to overcome personal obstacles right now.

I wish you the best, Alexia! If you need anything, you can PM me.

i am not my scars and my history
i am, i am, i am who i am...i am who i am.
there are true things inside of me;
i have been afraid to see.

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Re: Needed, but not needed - December 11th 2010, 01:30 AM

Both of you need someone to lean on. But you may also need each other. And part of needing each other is that it results in progress. So don't stay too far away cause she is young just as you are(assuming she is the same age as you) but you must encourage her also to try and get better.

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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Re: Needed, but not needed - December 15th 2010, 07:18 AM

hmm. sounds like my "best friend" stay away from urs, theyll fuck you over, dont get too close
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Re: Needed, but not needed - December 15th 2010, 10:21 PM

i know exactly what you mean. im currently in this position myself and nothing you do is ever right. i just cnt deal with my 'bestfriend' anymore so tend to stay out of her way coz i honestly dnt wanna sound bad but need to get better before i can concentrate on what she needs me for. i think you should maybe explain to her that you need space, maybe she'll back off a little then.
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