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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Delta 72 Offline
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I don't like my "friends".... - February 24th 2009, 08:48 PM

This is really the first school year that I have really started being social. So I started hanging out with these guys who thought I was pretty cool, and who, unlike me prior to this year, did stuff on weekends, and hung out with girls, ect...Anyway at first I liked feeling like I actually had a social life, and that I could say I did stuff on weekends, ect... but as I got to know just who these guys are, I began to feel really uncomfortable hanging out with them. Don't get me wrong their good kids at heart, but the stuff they do makes me really uncomfortable calling them friends.

Take this one guy. He has a girlfriend and goes off and cheats on her anyway and then when hes asked why he did it he blames it on his being drunk and expects everyone to just say "oh well thats ok then." And the horrible part is that thats what these guys say. They have no problem with it at all. It not like hes never done this before with anyother girlfriend either. Hes gone through at least three girlfriends this year alone. I hate that he is able to talk to a girl he likes, makes up some bulls**t feelings about her, has the balls to ask her out, and then throws it all away like it was nothing by cheating on her, when I can't even tell a girl who I actually do really like how I feel.

Another guy always thinks he is the shit, even though nobody likes him outside his little "group". He tried to justify stealing from someone by saying that he deserved it. The fact is he actually is a jacka** to a lot of people, and for some reason though is nice to me. But my friends outside this stupid little group always ask me why I hang out with him, and honestly I don't know anymore.

Another guy seems ok at first, but the more I got to know him, the more I really ended up thinking that he is almost no better than the first guy. I ended up introducing him to these girls I knew and he really seemed to be interested in this one girl. So I felt happy that I was able to set them up, but afterwards when i asked how it went he said he was worried. So I was like "dude don't worry about it, I'm sure she likes you." but then he was like "I don't give a s**t about that, I just worried that she might not want to suck my d**k." I mean I know that thats how a lot of guys think thats fine or whatever, but I'm just not like that at all.

The rest of them really aren't much better...

The thing is that if I stop hanging out with them, than I'm worried that I would just go back to being that anti-social kid. I don't know if that makes any sense, but thats how I feel...
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Re: I don't like my "friends".... - February 25th 2009, 07:26 PM

these guys sound like characters you really don't want to get involved with. i would get yourself out of their group and start afresh with someone else. maybe even those girls?

think about how much a social life, any social life, means to you. enough to make yourself uncomfortable? is a bad friendship better than nothing?

=] don't worry about being "anti-social" for now. one dilemma at a time.

best of luck.
r&r xx

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't like my "friends".... - February 25th 2009, 09:33 PM

Hey. I'm 16, and I'm totally anti-social. I rarely (and I mean rarely, almost never) go out. Most of the people that do go out around my area though are idiots and I don't mind not being with them. I have a close circle of friends, and I hang out with them at school, but I don't go out of my way to hang out with them every weekend. I can understand that you want a social life but these don't sound like people you want to be mixing with. I was in a similar situation but I walked away. OK, I rarely go out, but I've found much better people to spend my time with. If you hold out, I'm sure the right people will come along, and it'll be worth it in the end.

Hope everything goes well, PM me if you want,
Hannah x

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Re: I don't like my "friends".... - February 25th 2009, 09:33 PM

Hi there Matt,

I'm really sorry I couldn't reply to this sooner. I had a reply all written out when my internet cut out, so I really owe you one here.

The main thing to realize here is that you are not your friends. You are not the people you hang around. It's important not to get a bad reputation from hanging around these guys. There's different ways to do this.

If you don't like hanging around them, then don't. But I understand that being social and having people to be social with is important. And you said they are nice to you. What I would suggest is not to cut the friendship completely, but start hanging out with some of your other friends who aren't part of this group.

Sometimes getting people together is difficult, especially if they aren't into being really social. The best thing to do is just plan something with them and encourage them to hang out. It sounds like you've got some really nice friends out of this group. Maybe start by inviting them to hang out sometime.

I think it's gotten to the point that you should warn that friend of yours who may be interested in a relationship with one of the guys in that group to not get too close. It wouldn't be worth her getting hurt over it. But as for other girls who get cheated on and used by those guys, there's not really anything you can do. You sound like a really considerate guy, but those girls need to learn on their own, and sometimes that's hard.

If you continue to hang out with these guys, just make sure you don't fall into their ways. Stealing and cheating and saying the things they did is always wrong. I'm glad you are thinking over this friendship because of their actions.

I'm sure you wont have a problem getting your other friends to hang out.


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Re: I don't like my "friends".... - February 25th 2009, 09:59 PM

I think it's better sometimes to have no friends than to have bad friends. I spent almost a whole school year by myself looking for a decent group of kids in high school because I had such a hard experience in middle.

It's okay to be alone, hang out alone, and go out alone. It's okay to just have one friend, or two, for a while. Don't ever feel pressured and stuck with the group you have because you're young and there's always, always room for change.

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