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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Nomophobia Offline
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Question Really need advice! - December 21st 2010, 10:34 PM

This really is a what would you do moment...
I have had no contact with my dad since I was 4. Nothing. He has just not bothered because his wife didnt want him to have anything to do with me or my mum.

Ive considered finding him for years...then today em said why dont you see if he is on facebook....
he is!
After so long....I cant believe it. I'm in shock. I cant stop shaking and crying...

mum says to think about it and then contact him if I want...what would you do?
and wtf do I say?

I also have a brother and sister..they prob dont even know I exist...

help?


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

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Re: Really need advice! - December 21st 2010, 11:21 PM

Wow! This is a really big step for you! I'm so glad you found your Dad! But basically I think you should friend him on facebook and if you can write him a message in the facebook friend request saying "Hi! I am_______. I am your daughter. I know I haven't seen you since I was four but I still love you and would love to meet or get to know you! Please please friend me so we can just talk?" I'm not sure if you are ready to meet him or even want to meet him but you seem like you could handle it if your Dad didn't turn out to be the Dad you wanted him to be and you seem conflicted as to how to respond to him...either like...you've hurt me and you haven't seen me or tried to see me in forever...or I love you a lot and if we can build a relationship that'd be great! so it's going to be hard for a while but I know I have been through something similar and once you develop a relationship with your long-lost parent there is NOTHING better!! You feel more fulfilled and more loved which is always a good thing!
   
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Re: Really need advice! - December 21st 2010, 11:32 PM

This is definitely a difficult decision and can understand why you are asking for advice. However, I have to agree with your mom...just give it a day or two before deciding. That way you have some time to think about it before doing anything.

I find when I step back from a high impact situation it gives me some clarity regarding the situation. This is not an easy decision...there are a lot of "what ifs" involved here. I know curiosity got the better of you and that was why you looked for him on FB...but you really have to think about how this could change a lot of things in your life.

Some questions to ask yourself...

Are you happy with how your life is currently?
How will it make you feel if ... he accepts you?
... ignores you?
What is your heart telling you to do-not your mind...your heart.

I find when I focus on my heart and not my mind...the decisions I make are more "real" for me...if you can understand that. I don't usually regret decisions I made because of how I really felt (heart) instead of trying to guess (mind)...

This is a decision that only YOU can make...no one else...and I know its not an easy one at all...the toughest you have had to make so far in your life...and that is why no one can make it for you.

So, sleep on it for a day or two...there is no rush to decide...I wish you well and please let us know what you decided...


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Re: Really need advice! - December 22nd 2010, 12:08 AM

If you want to go for it! But be gentle about it. maybe meet up in person if possible. But definately talk to him! it could be good for you!!!!! good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
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Re: Really need advice! - December 22nd 2010, 01:22 AM

Maybe you need more than 2 days. I say give it atleast a week of serious thought.

Why ?? He has another family now, any action you take might affect them and you don't know how,
so its best you think about this, try and think of ways you can approach him on facebook without scaring him, or affecting him negatively.

And you also don't know how it will affect you too. I don't know your age so if you are young and you expect something and it doesn't live up to the hype, you might get very hurt. So be slow and think thoroughly about this. If you are christian pray about it.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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