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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Clover Offline
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Disappointed in my family - February 25th 2009, 06:21 AM

As I may have mentioned in previous posts, my grandpa has been in the hospital for the past week or so. He is extremely stubborn so it had to be REALLY bad for him to go willingly. I have been terrified the whole week, thinking the worst, and have been getting regular email updates from my dad. I decided to ask for his number in the hospital so I could call and speak to him. During the week I have called my grandpa about three times, all really quick conversations, just to see how he was feeling and to let him know I was thinking about him. He was released from the hospital yesterday though he still has to go in for a kidney dialysis three times a week. So I texted my dad to find out if I should call him at home or at work today and then proceeded to call the office (yes, my 85 year old grandfather went to work the day after he convinced the doctors to let him go home). He sounds about as good as could be expected, thank God.

So here's the problem: I get a text later on from my dad asking if I had a chance to call him and I replied that I did. He sent another one back saying "good - you don't know how much he enjoys speaking to his grandchildren" and this got me feeling really guilty because it shouldn't take a trip to the hospital to make me call my grandfather. I mentioned that I should call more often (meaning in general, just to talk) and he replied that I had called the most out of all the grandchildren. I wasn't quite sure how to react to that. Out of all of my cousins (and there are a lot of them), so few took the time to have a small conversation with our sick grandfather? I also got the sense that out of his eleven siblings, my dad was the one that spoke to my grandpa the most. I thought that my family was closer than that. I thought that more people would be concerned about the person that is basically holding us together. Is it really that difficult to pick up the phone and spare two minutes of your time? I just don't know what to think anymore.

Sorry for the mini rant, just something about it didn't sit right with me and I had to get it out. Thanks for listening.

“It’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you’re fighting for.” ~Paulo Coelho

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Claire Offline
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Re: Disappointed in my family - February 25th 2009, 08:49 PM

Aww hun, I know this is horrible but its unfortunately how a lot of families are. My Nanna had lots of grandchildren, her flat was covered in photos of them, but they never even rang to thank her for birthday and christmas presents. I was round there every week when she was dying and had to watch it, it was awful. Then at her funeral, all these cousins I hadn't seen for years, and neither had Nanna, turned up crying their eyes out! I was so angry!

I've accepted now though that there is nothing you can do to change how people act and treat others, the most you can do is make sure your Grandad know she always has you and you get to talk to him as much as you can. At the end of the day, its your families loss when he eventually (god forbid) does die. You can rest happy knowing you lit up his life for the brief moments he spoke to you and that he always knew how important he was to you, and to your Dad. x

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, youll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you
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Strider Offline
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Re: Disappointed in my family - February 25th 2009, 09:46 PM

Hi Clover,

Your grandfather sounds like a really strong guy and I'm glad he's feeling better. I'm completely shocked he went to work the day after getting out, though! Not even one day off?

He's really lucky to have you care about him so much. It's great that you've got such a good relationship with him. Definitely do your best to keep it up. Family is very important.

It's difficult to realize that the rest of your family doesn't spend as much time talking to your grandfather, but understand that they have work and activities and their immediate families to deal with. It may just be two minutes out of their day, but perhaps they don't see it that way. Maybe you could phone a few of them up and say that you think your grandfather would really love to hear from them some time, or maybe plan to get the family together to see your grandfather. I'm sure he would love the company.

He's really lucky to have you.


The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
Everyone has a story. What's yours?
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Clover Offline
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Re: Disappointed in my family - February 26th 2009, 09:06 PM

Thanks guys. I realize that it is difficult for some people to take the time out of their day, I was just surprised to hear that so much of my family hadn't done it. You're right, my grandpa is very strong willed and I'm not surprised at all that he went into the office the next day. I would probably be even more worried if he hadn't, just knowing the way he is. He started that company from the ground up and it's really important to him. He'll probably keep working until the day he dies (which hopefully is no time soon, though I do know that it will happen eventually).

“It’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you’re fighting for.” ~Paulo Coelho

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