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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
toxictragedy__ Offline
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the problems never really went away... - February 26th 2009, 12:20 AM

i posted like last month about this problem i had with my best friend and then i said it was resolved but it really never was.
so i'll start from the begining,
i liked this guy last school year and i told her all about him and she added him on myspace and whatever it was harmless. then this school year i became friends with his gf and then eventually they broke up. we were good friends so i told everyone i didnt like him anymore so that i didnt hurt her when really i did like him still. i guess my best friend took that as a "go for it" yet theyve never met eachother in their lives. so she started talking to him it was harmless at first until it escelated. now shes pretty much in love with him. she talks like him and he made her selfish and they flirt all the time and call eachother baby and say they love eachother even when he had a gf. but she wouldnt stop. so then i told her how it was hurting me and that i still liked him and she told me that hes just a stupid boy and she loves me with all her heart and promised me she would stop flirting with him and talking to him like that but that promise lasted about a day. i have her myspace password and she NEVER stopped talking to him like that. so then she really started to change. she started to slip away and act different. then i told her how i felt like we werent best friends anymore and how we barely talk since she started talking to him and all this stuff about how i felt. so she told me she barely talks to him and i knew right away that was a lie. she talks to him more than me. she talks to him from the moment she wakes up until she goes to bed at night, after having a two hour phone conversation with him at midnight. she also told me that she would be there for me more which clearly was a lie or i wouldnt have started cutting again. shes pretty much my reason for living, she keeps me sane. and the more i feel her slip away the closer i get to losing my mind just like i did before i met her and after she left for highschool [shes a grade higher than me and i was in 8th grade when she left for 9th.]. i had one of my friends talk to her about it and she told him that she used to love him but now theyre just friends, i again know thats a lie. she told my other friend a few days ago that she fell in love with him. she does those myspace surveys and talks about how shes in love with "someone" and she wants to be with "him". i cant even trust her anymore because im afraid shes telling him everything i tell her. and i found out today that hes been telling her things i told him, which was nothing personal till today. she doesnt even tell me things anymore, i didnt even know she had a bf till she told me she had to break up with him and then she went and told my friend she still has a bf which is a lie if she really broke up with him, she only wanted to be friends with benefits with the poor guy!

and she has another best friend back where she lives [i moved away] and i feel like shes replacing me. she tells her more than she tells me now. i mean, she lies to me and tells me how she doesnt talk to him and hes stupid and she doesnt like him but then she goes and tells her and my friend and him how much shes in love with him and if she doesnt talk to him she'll die. and i have a strong feeling that when she comes to visit me it will only be to see him.

so pretty much, i dont know what to do.
i feel like if i talk to her about it again shes just going to say the same thing she said the first two times and then nothing will really change.
and i dont even know how to talk to her about it again. im afraid she might just tell me to stop worrying and lie to me again or something.
should i just let her go? my other friend told me that shes going to get hurt by him and then come crawling back to me and just do it all over again because i feel like i cant let her go. that would be like taking back every thing i ever said. i cant tell someone how much they mean to me and everything and then take it all back...that only works with boyfriends. not with best friends.
help me before i lose my mind please :[
   
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Re: the problems never really went away... - February 26th 2009, 09:43 PM

Hey there,

It sounds like you are in a really difficult situation. A friendship is supposed to go both ways and your friend should be acting on the things she says to you. What she is doing is not fair to you.

I think you did the right thing about talking to her about how you felt. It just sounds like she doesn't understand how important she is to you and that the way she is acting is not making you feel good.

When she comes to visit, I think it would be a good idea to try talking to her again. Let her know exactly what it is she is doing that's hurting you and that you want her to stop lying. If she is really there just to see that guy and wants to spend time with him instead, then I think you should move on.

It's tough to lose friends, but sometimes people get farther apart. I think you should start getting to know some other people who care about your feelings and will put in the effort of keeping up a friendship. There are lots of people out there who will treat you properly- you don't need to rely on just this one person.

If you ever want to talk, please send me a message. You aren't alone right now.

Nat.


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February 27th 2009, 01:54 AM

yeah, i dont know if she'll be coming to visit because i might lose her sooner. she pretty much lied to me again and said she was acting different because she hada crush on me. but then on her myspace she laughed and told him that i believed her when he asked why she lied!

well, i just lost her today.
because apparently i was a bad best friend when i was nothing but good to her.
and apparently i was blowing it way out of proportion.

she never cared.


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Last edited by Strider; February 28th 2009 at 04:05 PM. Reason: Merging a double post.
   
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Strider Offline
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Re: the problems never really went away... - February 28th 2009, 04:11 PM

That really wasn't nice of your friend and I'm sorry that it had to happen the way it did. It sounds like you cared about her a lot and it's a shame she didn't see it.

I think you should move on from this person. She doesn't sound like she's being a good friend. There are lots of other people out there who care about you. It's important that you feel good in a friendship, and this girl wasn't treating you right.

I hope you start feeling better soon.


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Everyone has a story. What's yours?
   
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Re: the problems never really went away... - February 28th 2009, 09:06 PM

thank you for your help :]

we kind of talked things through i guess and she told me i'd always be her best friend and that you cant just lose a friendship like that and she still loves me with all her heart. i do too but i know its going to take time to make things better because right now i really cant trust her. not after she took advantage of me, used me, lied to me, and said mean things.
in 5 years who knows where our friendship will be.
we're young and things happen and you cant always trust the same person later on in life...


PEACE & LOVE.
Together we can make the world a better place.
Together we can stop animal cruelty.
Together we can save the earth.
And together we can live and love.
   
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