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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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raawrgirl Offline
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Question BFF??? why wont she help me!? - January 7th 2011, 02:48 AM

Ok...so both my best friend and I have a lot of family that are drunk and/or just have issues. And her father and mother divorced(dad was the drunk) and her mother remarried to a wonderful guy and she now has an older step brother and a younger step sister..in addition to her younger blood sister. Her father killed himself a couple of years ago and i helped her through the rough time. A year ago i found out my mother has been a drunk for 10 years. I was hoping that she would help me now!
But she doesnt... whenever I tell her something about my mother because i really want to vent and ask her how she dealt with stuff like that, she basically goes off on a story that tops mine. SHE IS ALWAYS INTERUPTING ME AND GOING OFF ON A STORY THAT SHE MAKES SOUND WAAAAY WORSE THAN MINE i dont understand why she feels the need to make this terrible problem sound worse than it is??!!

am i just being selfish? should i listen to her stories without complaint?
or should i say something?

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Re: BFF??? why wont she help me!? - January 7th 2011, 03:02 AM

It's possible that she thinks that by letting you know a similar or worse story your problems wont seem as bad; and it's also possible that she's still having problems coping. Either way though, talk to her about it, let her know that you come to her because you need to vent, not be one-upped.

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Re: BFF??? why wont she help me!? - January 7th 2011, 05:00 PM

I agree with Dan. She could be "topping" your story with one of hers to show that things could always be worse. There is also the possibility that your stories are "triggering" her, and hearing about your problem is causing her to recall her own problems.

If she's truly your best friend, then I suggest you talk to her about what's going on. Explain that, while you know her intentions are good, talking about her own stories (and changing the subject so you're no longer talking about your problem) isn't helping. Tell her when you're looking for, whether it be advice based on her own experiences, or simply someone who is willing to listen.

Finally, you may have to accept that this friend isn't the best person to confide in about this particular issue. Best friends are good for a lot of things, but even they can be biased about certain things. Why not try opening up to someone else, if your best friend is unable to give you what you're looking for?

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best friend, bff, drunk parent, help and advice

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